Dead Robot The space between gay and straight, stupid and smart.

Two For Flinching: A 20 and 24 Second Review of Hostel and Wolf Creek

Hello Kids! Shelly here! Two DVD reviews for you!

Like the title of this article? That's pretty much what I did all through Hostel. "Ooo a Tarantino produced horror movie! Should be cool!" You'd think. But Hostel turns out to be almost as embarassing as the Big T's appearance on The View to shill Kill Bill #1. Hostel is homophobic, mysoginistic and completely without any character merit. I had no hope to see the lead get his frat-boy ass out of that Slavic torture chamber. And wouldn't you faint at one point from such a large wound from a chain saw while running from your captors? Not even "fun for the sake of gore" fun. The best scene for the entire movie? The extras in the train station getting splattered with blood. We rewound that one a few times - watch the woman on the left over act and the one on the right keep her eyes shut the whole time. As for the disk, nothing but boring extras. Don't bother exploring for anything worth while.

Wolf Creek fared a bit better. It was the Australian version of Texas Chainsaw, but threw in it's own Aussie twists to make it watchable. Based on true events, the title card boasts, we watch three 20somethings travel from Broome to Cairns, stopping along the way in various remote outback sites, such as the Wolf Creek metor impact. Shakey cameras and American Eagle catalog clothes ensue. But when the villian arrives on the scene, things get almost cartoony. Which works, oddly enough, if you consider that we're getting a movie verstion of a one sided re-re-telling (as best the survivor could) the events that lead up to their capture. The twist at the end gives a satisfying justification for the bizarre story and pop culture reference that punctuates some of the violence. Little gore, a couple full body dummy shots of past victims and a nice hommage to Mad Max. I didnt open the Extra features because by this time I was ready to watch fluffy bunnies and Care Bear cartoons just to get the residue of horror film out of my head. Take 'em as you see 'em.

I give Hostel a -2 shells and Wolf Creek a 4 out of 5 shells.

And as an aside, if Sharkboy plays that trailer from The Da Vinci Code one more time to get clues to how the book ends (he's two chapters away) I will take my pincers and tear out the last page.

Back to my shell!