Category Archives: Toronto

This wacky city I live in.

This entry might offend some…

Toronto, Work

Im at the store (no, not another whiny retail complaint post) and a customer comes in and purchases something. The store has a vast database of repeat clients (Mac users, go figure) and I ask if we already have his information in our computer. He gives me his name (Id say it here but apparently we as a species are not allowed to repeat personal information ever again according to a new law that came into effect Jan 01) and I cant find it. So I ask if its under a business name and he says “Oh right. Try Spearchucker Music“.

Yeah you guessed it. He was Black. Or African Canadian, depending on your level of PCness.

And my face started to dance. Really. Eyebrows knitted and unknitted, corners of my mouth went up then down and up again, squinty eyes, no squinty eyes… Was I to acknowledge the name? Was I to comment? Was I just suppose to feel guilty for the years of oppression? Was I to laugh with him/at him/for him?

It makes me wonder about re-appropriating words, like when homosexuals demystified (or re-mystified) “queer” back during the early start of AIDS. I had a friend who tried to use the word “cunt” as much as possible because he thought “fuck” had become watery and we needed a new hard swear word. Personally I would like to reclaim “jigaboo”. Hate me for saying that but its really a funny word. Strip it of its racist meaning and it stands before you like a elf doing a dance. Like “hobgoblin” or “wumpus”. I dont mean to offend but sometimes words just make me laugh.

Is Wrestling Fake?

Personal Bits, Toronto

Today I was walking along the street just minding my own business (dont we all? I mean do we actually walk along and butt into other people’s business? Well other than crazy people… I digress), when a rather attractive woman stepped past me and …smiled.

I had absolutely no idea what to do.

She was past me before I could respond. Im not sure if she found me attractive or she was just being polite (I have a tendancy to wear a scowl when my face is “off”) or she was just all caught up in a personal moment and it didnt involve me at all…

I bought Diary by Chuck Palahniuk today only by opening the book and reading one line: “The weather today is an increasing trend toward denial” Im told this is his second best book. Im loving it so far.

Got it, Jack

Celebs and Media, Queer stuff, Toronto, Work

Im sitting in the diner on QaF and Im in a two-seater booth across from a guy who has mentioned his girlfriend a few times (got it, Jack) and how nice the waitress’ ass is (“Nice pants,” I reply) and all during the scene Im mouthing the words “fisting at the Don Jail”. Suprisingly he picks up “fisting” and “jail” and laughs and holds up his meaty hairy forearm. At the cut I tell him of a guy I knew who had numerical increments tattooed up his arm past his elbow. He goes white. Take that back to your girlfriend, Jack.

Im in a bit of a tizz…I am forced to going back to the bar for pick up shifts and the odd promotional night as that there are very little jobs out there right now. As I write this I am moments away from a meeting with the GM to negotiate getting “half” my job back, which would allow me time to do freelance stuff but yet pull a decent paycheque (which is better than no paycheque) from the bar. I feel dirty and gross but its better than working at a bath house or scrubbing pots. I know a few guys who are in the same predicament, taking jobs for the sake of jobs right now (except for one Panda in the states who has landed a dream job koffkofffuckoffkoff). I call it the NMD or New Millenium Depression, because Im depressed about having to do this crappy work to get by (note: that was a joke, no emails please!)

It seems to be a trend for the post-Internet implosion people, to take on a couple jobs while still holding onto some shred of internet work. Ive reworked my portfolio site to align it with web trends (ie: got rid of the Flash navigation) and added new thingys to it. Its only been two days. Where the hell are the phone calls? I know…I know…hit the streets, send out emails and open my yap at every given opportunity.

Last night, at 2am, I applied to WestJet as a Customer Service Rep!

Black Ink

Celebs and Media, Toronto, Work

Today was boring. I was street filler in front of the gym where our intrepid QaF friends work out. I was kind of pissed when I found out that for all the scrambling I did to borrow my Dad’s car for the scene (they pay extra for extras who use their own cars in shots), the casting company had overbooked the background with cars. They didnt need me. Harumph! Before I could raise a stink the Eastern European guy behind me (who was also S.O.L.) exploded “If I have to pay for parking because you arent going to use my car I am gone!”

“Bye,” says the holding director. And as he walks out, she scribbles something beside his name in black ink. She looks up at me.

“I will …um… just go get my car out of security holding,” I mutter.

Dumb Ones

Distractions, Toronto

Here’s another overheard Halloween conversation for you:

Girlfriend: “Im going to be a geisha!”

Boyfriend: “A gei…what is that?”

Girlfriend: “Its a Chinese whore.”

Why cant I shoot the dumb ones?

My First Extra Gig

Celebs and Media, Personal Bits, Toronto, Work

I went and saw Kill Bill this afternoon. It was impressive, action-packed, stylish and clever. Your basic Tarantino film. I recommend it to all who like anime, Japanese fighting movies, 70s pulp fiction, and Uma Thermin. Lucy Liu was ok, but she only had one good scene where she looses her cool. She could have had great acting but it was replaced by an anime hommage for her character set up and development. Gotta love the camera shot through the hole in the assasinated politician at the two escorts looking back and screaming. Brilliant. The only troubling thing I think about post-really-cool-movie elation is that most of the fight scenes weren’t really original. There was the decaps, the dismembs, and even the sword-over-the-head-kill-the-guy-behind-you-before-swinging-it-down-onto-your-opponent move. I wonder how many movies will be made with these Hong Kong wirefight moves? Like the slo mo/fast action pan in The Matrix, we will probably get tired of them and move on.

I just got a call. My first extra gig is on Prom Queen. The made-for-tv story of that guy who took his male date to the prom. Exploitation upon exploitation! Just give me the cash! This should be interesting.

Package

Toronto

So Im in Pharma Plus returning some of those nearly disposable battery operated toothbrush heads. See I bought a “Spin Brush Pro” and picked up just the “Spin Brush” regular or something. They were the wrong ones. So anyway. I ask the woman at the counter if I could return them but I had bought them a while back and inbetween that time I had gone to Calgary and stuff. The package was still sealed so she said “I dont think it will be a problem.”

…And then just stood there

So I look at her. She looks at me. Then glances down one of the isles.

A moment passes.

I make a face that says, “So?”

“Oh theyre in the basement,” she says, like Im suppose to know who ‘they’ are and why ‘theyre’ in the basement.

Another moment.

“Can…you call them?”

“Oh theres no phone in the basement,” she said all conspiratory-esque.

Another moment.

Actually the moment lasted longer than a standard moment. More like an English Imperial moment. All bloated and confused.

“Is there a snake pit on the way to the basement?” I ask.

Her look was one like a Fembot that had just 1) had its face knocked off…all embarassed and exposed; and 2) glazed over like a Fembot that looked like “Whoa…water…Im gonna explode…”

I made excuses and left.

Totally unrelated: I forgot something my sister said in Calgary as we were driving around with Dad and Donald and myself: “I wonder what kind of package you need for a woody like that?” My eyes bug out. She meant the tricked up PT Cruiser beside us. Oh straight people…

Eroctic Stirrings

Queer stuff, Toronto

I truly hate panhandlers. I do. I got yelled at by one today because I wouldnt look at him or talk to him or anything. Fucking dick. He yelled at me that he had a $10/hr job and that he was trying to make ends meet. “you and me both,” I thought. What annoyed me more was that he did it with a drag queen’s attitude. Dick.

Im looking at a guys forearm today on the streetcar and Im thinking I wish I had forearms like Popeye. He was sexy…then I thought about Baloo in The Jungle Book and how that was my first eroctic stirrings when I saw that movie at the Capital theatre in Brockville…the bit where he rubs up against the tree with his back.

Current Voltage

Personal Bits, Queer stuff, Toronto

I did my drunk Bob Villa impersonation the other day. Nobody laughed. Damn.

Today I spied a new Church Street Icon in the making. The “tranny truck”. Its a truck, one of those new four door jobbies than has a short back end for sake of the cab. Its navy blue and drives very slowly because….ITS FULL OF TRANNIES. Without a word of a lie. Ive seen it twice in three days. And they’re not pretty trannies either. We’re talking “we use to play football” trannies. Big arms, tight clothes and mannish faces. Beep beep! Here comes Terry the Tranny Truck and the Good Time Cabin krew!

I really wish I had the balls to deface ads on the subway. Im too good. Every day there are three or four ads I would want to draw moustaches on the models, dinks on the sports stars, and “Oh GROW UP!” across gay circuit party posters. I was jammed up against an ad today that just made me confused. It was so pixilated that if I were to create an ad like that at my last or current job, Id be fired on the spot. How did it get there? Who said “Yeah that looks ok, I guess” Goddamn that “graphic artist” is walking around with a cheque in his/her pocket and Im eating KD!! Fucker! Here is Evil Panda’s List:

• Current CD in player: Made in the USA:Pizzicato 5
• Current book beside toilet: Lying liars…:Al Franken
• Current Game in PS2: no PS2. In the PC it’s Neverwinter Nights
• Current favorite cat: Lucifer (Mom’s kitty)
• Current Gameboy Game: n/a I do play Breakout alot on my phone, tho
• Current Fave food: Eggplant Parmesan from the little Italian Trattoria down the street
• Current time I find myself cursing myself for not going to bed sooner: 12:30 a.m.
• Current gauge: n/a
• Current voltage: low

Evil Panda is a good cyber friend whom I met real time last winter for the first time after meeting him on a web board years ago (he brought his boyfriend, relax). Hes ex-Navy. Sexy. I want him to come up to Canada (again) and bartend at the Eagle for a weekend. He would get laid big time. He loves Egyptian history and is always calling me Mummy. Okay that was a bad one. Im groping here.

Yours?

Personal Bits, Toronto

Things I wanna say:

• Current CD in player: Eye Spy (theme music to Aeon Flux)
• Current book beside toilet: Understanding Movies
• Current Game in PS2: Vice City
• Current favorite cat: I cant decide. I love them both
• Current Gameboy Game: Advance Wars 2. I hate that fucking game. Im addicted
• Current Fave food: burgers on the BBQ (not much time left!!)
• Current time I find myself cursing myself for not going to bed sooner: 3am
• Current gauge: 8
• Current voltage: 220

What are yours?

I totally forgot what I was going to write about today. Thought Id just share.
Sexy Homeless Guy Update: On the streetcar with my roommate the other day. He caught me looking at the homeless guy and said “Yeah I’d go get him a coffee and a McDonalds Apple Pie too”. Which weirds me out because I was suppose to be the only guy who could like him.