Tag Archives: love affair

Dead Robot’s Best List of the Decade

Distractions

Here are my faves for the last little while:

Tying the knot. For better or for worse, it’s been fantastic having someone who has your back. And keeps your back warm at night. I’m (still) in love and don’t see any foreseeable end to this love affair. I keep playing the night he asked me over and over in my head: the warm(ish) summer night, the fire, the stars. He prefaced his question by saying he had honourably emailed my mom and dad, asking if it was ok to marry me. Which leads me to…

Camping. Getting out there was fun. My tastes in how I spend my weekends have changed, but I’m glad I experienced a couple summers of sleeping under the stars. I’ll never forget Stumbleina and cleaning the pool at 7am.

Travel. I think I’ve travelled more in the last decade than any other time in my life, even when I lived in England. I’ve been to Mexico, Vancouver, Florida, Quebec, Vermont, The Caribbean, Belize, and even places closer to home, like Niagara Falls, which have given me so many great memories (and 90% of them are due largely to SharkBoy dragging my ass out into the world) but the couple that stand out are: coming through the gates at Magic Kingdom at DisneyWorld as a steam train arrived at the station and a parade started simultaneously – Seeing the Main Street, the characters happily singing and dancing and the damn castle made me lose my shit. I was 12 yrs old again. I still choke up thinking about it. And I’ll never forget riding the zip-line through the Belize jungle – being terrified by heights, but determined to do this thing, I had nervously stayed at the back of the pack to let everyone else go first. After the safety orientation, the guide suddenly reversed the order of our pack, making me the “scream-like-a-girl” first to experience the thrill. Thankfully I didn’t chicken out.

My Dad’s 65th, 70th and 75th Birthday parties. The man knows how to throw a party for himself. (I know “65th” was back in the late 90s but it needs to be addressed – order your guests to arrive in white and wear cream.)

Improv Classes. I loved getting up in front of people and making them laugh. Though it didn’t take off (purely because I hated trying to compete with the other frail, gigantic egos in “the biz”), I did manage to do one stand up set in front of total strangers and hence, “stand up comedy feature – UNLOCKED!” (as they say in video games).

Getting fired from Rogers iMedia. The first time I’ve ever been “let go” dropped me into a couple years of depression but the other side was so gratifying. Every skill I use today I learned there from Dimitri (who, sadly doesn’t digitally create stuff anymore), but I’m glad I didn’t stay, contract or otherwise. You can’t have light without dark.

Working as a film extra. In my post-Rogers money pit, I signed up as an extra for various TV/Movie/Tax write off productions in Toronto. Most notably Queer as Folk, where I learned that behind the scenes can be funnier than the shit they put in front of the camera (see the show “Extras” – I actually got to live it). Best moment on set was doing a scene with my Dad as my brother delivered lines on the show “This Is Wonderland”. You can see my hand holding a file in front of my father’s face in one brief moment.

Various Games. On various platforms. I will never forget spending an entire day (we’re talking a solid 9 hours) on Grand Theft Auto IV with Vancouver Mike as we dived into McCain’s fudge and ice cream dessert and enough pop to drown a whale. I’ll not soon forget firing up Katamari Damanci for the first time and being blown away at the craziness. I also recall wasting hours of my life with SharkBoy as we tried to out-do each other, crash-wise, in Burnout: Revenge. Nor can I forget the sumptuous art of BioShock. But I have to say that Uncharted 2 has been a pinnacle game for me in my last ten years – incredible graphics, tight game play interspersed with fantastically acted cut scenes. Lastly, how can I forget this Christmas miracle:

Best Movie. So difficult. I’ve asked Shelly and she’s come up with this list, in order of fave to least. You’ll note that a couple blockbusters from last week are not on purely because I want to get past the hype before deciding:

  1. Ratatouille
  2. Up / Wall*E (tie)
  3. Chicken Run / Kenny / Children of Men (Foreign movie three way tie)
  4. Sunshine
  5. No Country For Old Men
  6. The Dark Knight
  7. The Incredibles
  8. District 9
  9. Moon
  10. The Watchmen

In all, the last ten years have been fun. As I slip into my midway point of my life (assuming I’ll live to 90 or so) I can only speculate what the future holds for me, like a drunk Dianne Warwick Psychic Hotline operator:

Cyborg parts! Love Triangle with a hologram! PS4! Apple iSlate! Singularity Parties! Surgically attaching toe webbing! Belly Mouths! And finally Cat IQ upgrades!

I want to wish you all a Happy New Year!

The Lesson: Boil In Bag Bunny Not Included

Personal Bits

At 4 am, I startled awake after sensing a presence in my room, standing at the foot of my bed.

“JesusfuckingChrist!!! What the fuck, Javier?”

Javier (“Hav!” I would call him) and I had been dating about a month. I had given him a key the week before because I felt I could trust him. Plus the apartment I had was massive: it was a long flight and a half to get downstairs to open the front door. My legs are lazy, my heart, not so.

“I missed you. I wanted to be sure you were here,” Jav says, sitting on the corner of my bed. I turn on the light.

“Wait. You drove from Ajax to see if I was sleeping? You don’t trust me?”

Thus began the end of our emotionally charged whirlwind dating. Javier was a closeted Uruguayan, first gen Canadian, testing the gay waters for the first time in his early 30s while living in the basement of his deeply religious parent’s home. At the time I was working the odd bar shift at The Black Eagle while working at Rogers in their iMedia department (yes, Rogers jumped on the “iBandwagon” back in 1998-2001) and would come home on the weekend at odd hours. Needless to say our relationship was moving along at a slow pace, since I had very little free time. Because of my lack of enthusiasm in our love affair, early on in our relationship, Jav accused me of sleeping around and not finding him attractive and that I’d prefer to be with bigger, bearish type guys simply because I worked at a rough leather bar.

I did find Jav extremely attractive: he was one of those hairy Southern Latinos, slenderly well built, well groomed, and playful. He had beautiful eyes and the whitest teeth of anyone I’ve ever been with. And apparently had no sense of boundaries.

“I’ll go,” Jav says and rises off the bed. A switch-whipped puppy couldn’t look sadder

“Oh for Christssakes, Jav. You better stay.”

The above mentioned incursion happened early Saturday morning. Sunday we met up and I called it off. It was surprisingly swift and without incident – Jav accepted that he was being a bit smothering and we parted without drama. I was relieved that I dodged an emotionally crippling bullet.

Monday morning at the office, I get a call from reception as soon as I sit down at my desk saying I had a visitor.

Uh oh…

I come around the corner to find Jav in tears in the middle of the reception area. Like Jav’s tears, co-workers are streaming by us, offering odd sympathetic glances. The receptionist has her head down, ears wide open.

I drag Jav out into the hall for some privacy. He begs me to take him back, he can change, it will change, he’ll give me my space. I stand firm and say that we need to go our separate ways. After a long pause, he leaves.

The remainder of the day I am sent 40 to 50 emails from Javier’s gal pal telling me that I am a horrible person, god will punish me, I’ve ruined Jav’s life, his heart and subsequently his career. I am scheduled to rot in hell and be miserably alone for the rest of my life, according to her. I am a monster who cannot possibly love anyone. I have lost the ability to love when I cut Jav loose. I was scum.

I call IT to ask how to block an email.

My boss notices my distress and after listening to my story, tells me that sometimes our hearts are unbalanced. In both senses of the word.