\u2022 Just after getting my drivers license, a girl ran into my dad’s car while on her bike when she was cycling the wrong way along a one way street. I moved out into the intersection and she t-boned the side of the car, sliding across the hood. She got up and continued without comment. I nearly never drove again after that.<\/p>\n
\u2022 I had to shoo a bat out of the TV room because my two older brothers were too scared to.<\/p>\n
\u2022 I once tried to convince my mom that the pot plant in my bedroom was “a vine” I got from my sister.<\/p>\n
\u2022 I would talk to an abandoned car while walking home from school. Thankfully it never talked back.<\/p>\n
\u2022 I wanted Michael Shilkin to actually die from the cancer he lied to us about having. <\/p>\n
\u2022 Of the three female nipples I’ve tasted, two were alarmingly odd in flavour.<\/p>\n
\u2022 I suspected my parents of having elaborate dinner parties to swap partners, not actually to advance their social standing in backwater Brockville.<\/p>\n
\u2022 My brother’s girlfriend once called my ass “Cute”. In my entire life, my ass has never received any higher compliment other than “cute”. <\/p>\n
\u2022 As a teen, I didn’t mind chores. But I did try constantly to get out of them.<\/p>\n
\u2022 From ages 15 to 17, I had Star Wars wallpaper. One girl I dated and invited up to my teenage smelling room, gave me such grief for having character-based decorating skills that she let slip that our class president at the time, had Batman pajamas.<\/p>\n
\u2022 It wasn’t until my 43rd birthday that I realized the slut I dated in high school knew that the class president had kiddie pjs by way of spending the night at his place somehow.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
\u2022 Just after getting my drivers license, a girl ran into my dad’s car while on her bike when she was cycling the wrong way along a one way street. I moved out into the intersection and she t-boned the side of the car, sliding across the hood. She got up and continued without comment. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":430,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"spay_email":"","jetpack_publicize_message":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[642,721,212,27,74,455,640],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p9WjY-Ag","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2248"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/430"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2248"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2248\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2248"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2248"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2248"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}