The only interesting thing I’ve experienced this week has been an increase of cardio from 30 min per workout to 45 mins. You can tell that THE CRUISE is coming up soon (28 Days!).

While nothing exciting is going on in my life, these are a couple things I am tracking on the web:

Virtual virus wipes out many Elves. It’s like a million geek voices cried out at once! (via Cnet News)

Mashiro Fukuyama makes suits based on mythology and anime video game culture. (from we-make-money-not-art.com)

Cruising for Sex is not a chairty (worksafe, via Wired Blogs)

A List Apart somehow is able to view into the boardroom of where I work!

I knew Firefox could jump you right to IMDB when you type “IMDB The Black Hole” but I didn’t know you can create the same quick search within your bookmarks for any site that has search capabilities! Keen! (via Addicted To New)

Remember when I said Jack Osborne was L.A. hot? Now he’s Martin Scorsese Taxi Driver Hot (via Hollywood Rag)

Okay that’s enough regurgitation. Maybe something interesting will happen to me this evening…

Click the post title to see the album.

I have to say that Monday was the best Halloween I have ever had in a long time. The street was festive, the good costumes were abundant and there was a definite drop in the WTF category of outfits. You know the ones I mean. Guys and gals in kabuki wigs… and that’s it. Their entire prep time from conceputalizing their idea to out the door: 2 minutes, which makes people ask them “What the fuck are you suppose to be?” Sharkboy and I usually just point and laugh at these people and I admit that they do provide a certain degree of street-fodder, making the people who spent time, money or both, look good in comparison, but a boa over your regular street clothes does not make you all mysterious and halloweenie. It makes you look lazy.

Which brings me to Sharkboy’s and my costume. Like them? Sharkboy went as the Littlest Hobo Dog. I was your basic Cat. We found these cute adorable masks in Vermont that when you press on the nose, they either barked or meowed loudly in a tinny, corrupt digital sound file way. Now, I realize my tail wasn’t big and bushy like a cat’s but I did have the ears. All day and all night, I was called other animals other than a cat: A rat! A dog! A mouse! A Playboy Bunny! (I swear to god) I bet if I had a large billboard sign that said CAT on it, I would have been called an aardvark or something. I was going to go out and grab that board game “Mousetrap” and carry that around with me all day and hope that drunk people caught on, but that would have confused things, I am sure. However, Sharkboy and I managed to get ourselves photographed a lot. It was the first time I have ever been asked for a picture so I was having a ham-it-up-n-cheese blast!

My fave costume? Halo’s Master Chief. The guy could barely move with all the Japanese and Geek cameras going off. Second runner up was the 5th Element Opera Star in the bubble. Great costume, but bizzare execution for a busy street.

Enjoy the pics!

The cab driver drops us at the terminal and we’re greeted by Ramon who cheerfully tags our luggage and accepts a $5 tip (from here on in, folks, everything is in US Dollars, k?). We pass through security and giddily check in. To get on the ship we must pass through one of the thousand or so “photo ops” that will take place through out our vacation (available for $10 at the Photo Shop, onboard!). Later, we find this instance and I look like I am shitting a brick because I can see the ship just in front of me and I WANT TO GET ON IT NOW! Plus, I am wearing The Shirt. The Shirt is the shirt I am wearing in every single piece of ID I own. A green and blue plaid short sleeved number that can be seen on my passport, drivers ID, Health card, and IATA card. Weird cowinkydink.

We enter The Radiance of the Seas.

I hold back tears of joy. For a ship, it is the nicest hotel I have ever stayed in, but the room was so small I had to go outside just so I could turn around. We played with every single knob, button, lightswitch, safe combination, balcony door handle and tv remote in the room.

The room fills with an announcement that we have to put on our life jackets and head down to level 6. See, we had to complete a drill by law before we could set sail. I looked fat.

The announcements continue and we hear the ship’s Cruise Director for the first time tell us about the thousands of things happening that evening. A pleasant chap who ended every announcement with a fast, conspiratory “bing bong!” Like he wasn’t suppose to do that, but did it anyway as a joke. Funny.

Back in the cabin, we dump the life jackets and start to explore. Top to bottom. At one point we found the near-24hr all you can eat buffet called The Windjammer Cafe. My heart nearly lept out of my chest as we passed by all the salads and burgers and pizzas and cold cuts. I wiped away a tear of joy as we passed by the soft ice cream machine. “No money?” I ask Sharkboy, the lump in my throat making my voice squeak.

“No money needed,” he says. I immediately start a plan to remove the small couch in our cabin and replace it with the ice cream machine…

We wander to the bow of the ship to watch The Radiance leave Miami. Beautiful sun, laughing crowds and a million Englishmen with camcorders surrounded us. The ship did a sharp 180 turn in the bay (thanks to it’s two rotating propeller pods) and as soon as we were pointing east, we were treated with 25MPH winds in our face. And then the clouds came. We saw the sun for the last time for close to 24 hours. A light rain fell. And then it rained harder. The wind picked up. Sharkboy and I ran from the deck, right behind the first “other two gay guys” on the ship. Die hard romantics to the end.

We got dried off and got ready for dinner. Table for 12. We sat with some really nice people. Two couples from California (moderately liberal, gregarious, covered in jewelery, and happy to be there), a couple from England (on their second week of travelling on the Radience), and a couple from Nadick, outside of Boston. The last two seats were never filled. Who knows where they were.

We ate like kings. We ate like GODS. We ate the souls of innocent societies with gravy. We ate enough for a small army. Okay… *I* ate enough for a small army. The dining room was lifted right from the Posideon Adventure, except that there was no Xmas tree or a big glass lightpanel to fall through if (when?) the ship were to turn over.

We wandered the ship to work off dinner. When they say “floating hotel” they aren’t exaggerating. The elevators chimed happily (“Deck 7!” the elevator would say with a wide smile behind the tone and I would finish it of with “…the happiest deck on the ship!” It was very Heart of Gold). The wind was terrific and the ship rocked more than Sharkboy could remember from his last trip. It was a bit disconcerting that a ship that large could scoot around that much but the staff were laughing and having a good time so I felt at ease. I didnt feel sick but I did get a bit of a head ache from trying to stay “upright” on such hard chop.

We went to the Aurora Theatre and watched the first night’s show. Somewhere between Canada’s Wonderland and Vegas, this little theatrical gem was born, a show called “Piano Man” that paid hommage to Billy Joel, Manilow, Elton and for some bizzare reason, Wizard of Oz. Eh. What can you do? Big kudos to the dancers for being able to flip and twirl while the ship rocked so much. Bed was before midnight.

The Gallery Grows!

Last night was a bit much.

Brokeback Mountain made me feel good. I left feeling hopeful that Hollywood movies could move away from the dopey stupids they’ve been in for the last 30 years.

Unfortunately the audiences will have to change with them. Prior to the movie a family of three, Mom, Dad and daughter sat behind us and moments before the movie started, the Mom touched Sharkboy’s arm and said:

“Can I ask you a big favour? Could you please slouch so I can see over you during the movie?”

Sharkboy came out with the best rebuttal to that ever:

“What? So I can break MY back on this mountain?”

I am so flustered that I dont recall the rest. She moved away and Sharkboy removed his baseball cap.

During the movie Dad was chowing down so hard on all his candy/popcorn that I was seconds away from telling him to grow up. Near the front, two twinks giggling hard during the sex scenes were told to Shhh! A woman laughed and said “Oh My God!” at a rather touching moment. These gay love scenes are fairly “new” to a theatre audience and I could understand their need to vocalize their discomfort, but these childlike reactions were embarassing.

If I was Ang Lee, I’d be so Hidden Tiger on their asses.

To get the scent of romance and feel-goody-ness out of our heads we went home and watched The Devil’s Rejects.

(via Drawn!) Link!

I think I am going to try shaving a robot on the Sharkboy…

So Im in Pharma Plus returning some of those nearly disposable battery operated toothbrush heads. See I bought a “Spin Brush Pro” and picked up just the “Spin Brush” regular or something. They were the wrong ones. So anyway. I ask the woman at the counter if I could return them but I had bought them a while back and inbetween that time I had gone to Calgary and stuff. The package was still sealed so she said “I dont think it will be a problem.”

…And then just stood there

So I look at her. She looks at me. Then glances down one of the isles.

A moment passes.

I make a face that says, “So?”

“Oh theyre in the basement,” she says, like Im suppose to know who ‘they’ are and why ‘theyre’ in the basement.

Another moment.

“Can…you call them?”

“Oh theres no phone in the basement,” she said all conspiratory-esque.

Another moment.

Actually the moment lasted longer than a standard moment. More like an English Imperial moment. All bloated and confused.

“Is there a snake pit on the way to the basement?” I ask.

Her look was one like a Fembot that had just 1) had its face knocked off…all embarassed and exposed; and 2) glazed over like a Fembot that looked like “Whoa…water…Im gonna explode…”

I made excuses and left.

Totally unrelated: I forgot something my sister said in Calgary as we were driving around with Dad and Donald and myself: “I wonder what kind of package you need for a woody like that?” My eyes bug out. She meant the tricked up PT Cruiser beside us. Oh straight people…

So at work today, three guys came onto me. Which made me wonder where the hell these guys were a few years back when I weighed 180. Now at 210, I seem to be a beefy guy magnet. Not that Im buff or anything but guys do seem to appreciate a gut. Im generalizing but hey, its my blog. So these three guys were not bad but two were coupled in an open relationship. It was clear that one was more into me than the other and I hate that. They didnt come right out and offer a threesome but it was on the table, as it were, and I would have cringed back like Anna Nicole Smith at a vegan food fair if they had offered. I hate threesomes. Threesomes are twosomes with one guy dissapointed. Its a rare thing for both partners to be into the same guy. I digress. So Im fat, Im being hit on by lonely coupled bears and I dont have any epiphany to relate. It was, however a great ego boots. Now I’m asking myself if I should go enter the Toolbox’s Mr Box Bear contest. Imagine the political hell if I did…

We’re camping this weekend and I guess this is the last entry until Tuesday.

Thanks for playing!

Here’s a pic I took this morning through some mirrored glass of a ground floor office.

I can seee you!
I am trying to
work please
go away!

How could I not take that picture?

C U Next Tuesday!

“You guys mind if I throw some water on the rocks?”

Its 8am in the Y’s sauna. Dry sauna I might add. This guy is standing right in front of a sign that says “Please refrain from putting water on the rocks/elements.”

“Uh, there’s a sign behind you…” Sharkboy points out.

I start in with: “I use to work in a gym and we’d have to replace the elements monthly because of guys like–”

“Ok! Ok! No problem!” he capitulates. His buddy enters and they stand by the rocks as if they were guests at a 50’s cocktail party sans martinis and clothes (well I am sure there were nude cocktail parties back then… I digress). “No water,” he informs his friend. “Hey remember Robin? Big guy? This is going back 8 years or so, back when the sauna was like over here, remember? One time he and I were in here and we put so much water on the rocks that it started to spark and smoke was pouring out of it and there was a flame! The alarm didn’t go off though.”

So this guy makes a habit of breaking gym property? He continues:

“There was one time at a hotel in Whistler when 40 of us were at a conference and we were drinking and we started to throw our glasses into the fire and the liquor started smoking hard and we set off the alarm BEEP BEEP BEEP! And everyone left and I had to plead with the management not to kick us out.”

Good times, eh buddy? What the fuck? This guy was almost bragging about burning down a gym and a hotel. At least he had the decency to ask us if he could go ahead and burn our gym down first. Since Sharkboy and I are nude and really uncomfortable with this pyro bragging on his burnitalldown stories, we make our exit. I am sure that after we left he tossed water on the rocks. He had a soaked towel with him on the ready.

Yes I told the staff. No, they couldn’t do anything.

Haven’t made a post about my iPod in a while. As usual I am weeks late catching up to a meme: iTunes 4.9’s podcasting feature!

I’m listening to the following podcasts all available from iTunes:

The SciFi Channel’s Battlestar Galactica. It’s like listening to DVD extras for a tv show. Executive Ronald D Moore explains the “why” of this surprisingly good show. For semi-to-hard core fans.

Z100 Phone Taps. Not much new here in the way of creative phone pranks but its super funny to hear NYC accents try to talk over each other. “Yooah deaahd to meah!” “No! Yooah dead to meah!”

Dawn and Drew Show. I listen to these two faithfully. They’re not much on content, in fact they ramble quite a bit but they have a spark that is infectious. Its like eavesdropping in on a couple deep in love, chatting away behind you. They’re candid, playful and chatty and completely addictive.

Zug. (not from iTunes yet. Get it here. Drag and drop the link into your Podcast folder) On his site, John Hargrave pranks up big business which borderlines on culturejamming. For his podcasting, he only has three past articles converted to audio but expect more from him. He needs to step back from the microphone a bit but he’s going in the right direction.

These aren’t podcasts, but I am loving this collection of Gerry Anderson/Barry Gray MP3s. Space 1999 to Thunderbirds (highly reccommend you download the theme to UFO, it’s frikkin groovy!), including some wicked remixes. FUN!

Any reccommendations, kids?