Scent of a Whoa, Man!
I’m on the eliptical machine at the Y this morning (need to get a Disney water park body!) and I’m grooving along with my iPhone when suddenly a rather handsome man jumps on the machine beside me. He’s got a real interesting DryFit long sleeve shirt on (one arm is white while the rest is a deep navy blue, kind of Star Trekish) and has a rugby-footballer build, complete with scruff and goatee. He’s the kind of guy I’d play Hide The Penis with… Okay, lets keep it clean, you get the idea.
Before you comment, I’ll just say “I’m married. Not dead.”
After a few surreptitious glances over at him the smell hits me. The smell of socks wrapped in cheese, deep fried in human fat with a coating of hair with a side salad of durian husks and cat urine dressing. As he works out harder, the smell gets stronger.
I start to breathe through my mouth. God help me, I can now taste it. I begin to wonder if he knows he smells so bad. I’m pretty sure that since he bought that vanity shirt for working out, he knows he looks good. Then I think maybe the stench is his protection from guys/girls/Michael Jackson (sans nose) hitting on him. It certainly was putting me off.
I finished my workout and hit the showers. As I dressed I huffed a big drag on my gym bag to see if I was hypnotized by my own stink. Far as I can tell, I smell like Cheetos and lost youth.
Saturday Chores Pt 2
Saturday Morning Chore
Over Killzone Too
I’m sure this game is amazing. The trailers look faboo, the screengrabs look rockin’, it’s got some hypementum behind it.
But do you think Sony could find a better reviewer than their own bloody magazine! That’s like Tyra Banks saying America’s Next Top Model is the best model search program there ever was.
Meh. I’ll probably hit it.
God Probably Doesn’t Generate Signs
Via Blamblog comes a little gadget that BStewart will pee his pants over… The Atheist Bus Sign Generator
Restaurant Makeover Farts in Church
Remember how Torontoist hates Restaurant Makeover? Last night they aired the Church Street Diner episode, shot sometime last summer/fall and like some of the post-RM shows, Church Street Diner is closed to this day. Churchies who are in the know, know that CSD was opened and then closed sometime soon after the Restaurant Makeover crew left their special brand of reality tv drama all over the scrapped bunkheads. The title card at the end of the show mentioned that Alfredo and Richard “continue to have hope for the business”, or some such fluff. Well they’re off the radar, apparently, with the diner surreptitiously having an “opening soon” sign on their door through the winter.
This show is approximately 22 min long (with commercials) and contains 20 minutes of fake drama built up between the designer and the contractor. With clever editing and lots of recycling shots of people dancing while they work, they’re able to pad out the show to the hour (with commercials). In last night’s episode, Richard and Alfredo were treated nicely, compared to some snide comments the show hosts would utter on camera regarding the restaurant, the owners, the working conditions. As I suspected, the menu was perfect, with only a few edits and no real complaints to speak of by the hosting chef (she actually complimented them on their use of home made sauces), but the reason the diner was doing poorly was the cramped room it occupies, which (in my opinion) killed the previous restaurant in that space, The Five Alarm Diner. Backing up that theory is the surprise reveal of the owners acquiring of the second floor, sprung on the designer to jazz up just before the makeover started. Act surprised, everyone! Now act worried about time. Now act worried about money.
All my Googling and gossip searching came up with no leads as to why the diner is still closed. I suspect they might have had some issue with licensing the upstairs part of the diner because at one point the designer mentions having problems with “red tape” and mysteriously it’s never mentioned again. The upstairs was a clothing store prior to the makeover and I suspect they couldn’t get a food service license within the 5 days allotted for the show and they went ahead and reno-ed the upstairs anyway. There was a curious lack of discussion regarding the upstairs space, other than the old Restaurant Makeover standard drama of a “load bearing wall” that befuddles the designer (shock!).
I’m saddened by Alfredo and Richard’s struggles since I knew Richard when he was the manager of my local Starbucks (and did a pretty damn good job making the place a fun cafe!). I’d go back to the Cafe if it opened, but it doesn’t seem to be happening any time soon.
One more for the Restaurant Makeover deathwatch!
Blogging Theory
The amount of time you’ve been blogging directly relates to the quality of the inevitable book deal.
Getting a book deal right out of the gate will result in a flash-in-the-pan amount of attention. Inversely, a book deal after 9 years of blogging will result in a niche market response: Namely “zzzz”
Celebrity from blogging only comes from extremes.
Maintaining a certain “level” of extreme content results in an equal level of growth. If you blog about pooping in Jimmy Choo shoes and only about pooping in Jimmy Choo shoes, your readership will grow like a tsunami just after the last Googlebot scan of your site.
Blogging is not therapeutic
No matter how good it feels to throw your personal shit out there, you will not become level headed and normal after writing about the peeing on the cat fetish you hide.
Comments are never about your post but always about the commenter
If you write about how fire engulfed your home and you’ve lost everything, it is inevitable that someone will comment that they have cancer.
Getting acknowledged in the real world by your blog name is neither comforting or thrilling
It’s actually a bit creepy.
Walk It Off, Picard
For all you geek whiners out there who complained that the holodeck on Star Trek: The Next Generation could never work because if they walked a mile in simulated reality, they’d bump into a wall after three feet, I give you the plucky Japanese robotic answer to this conundrum:
Oh Shure!
Continuing my iPhone headphones story…
Last night I went back to Apple to exchange those god awful noise leaking ear buds for something better. RodTO, I looked at the Bose but they didnt have any with a microphone/pause button so I went for the Shure buds.
Again, the customer service was impeccable. This time I actually managed to snag a hipster to ask her questions about the buds and she spent the time to go over a couple options and offer some candid advice about a certain product (read: she slagged off the $89 Apple In Ear headphones, which makes me believe they’re only a gateway product, designed to be returned to spend more money in the store). And as it was before, the counter exchange was fast, courteous, and slicker than a lonely twink in a bath house.
The Shure ear buds are unwieldy, ugly, come in two parts and have thick wires that don’t straighten out too well.
But they sound amazing. They let in just the right amount of noise so that I’m aware of my surroundings and the ear plug part isn’t silicone so it will stand up to greasy Italian ears. There is no wire vibration and yes, yes I can hear the lead singer from Underworld fart during track #2 on Oblivion With Bells. Finally happy.