Happy Apple Day!

iPhone

Today is the day! The World Wide Developers Conference @ San Fran! His lordship Steve will be announcing a few new things like… oh… a new iPhone, maybe? Months of speculation, phony photoshopped images and container ships tracked from China will come to fruition in the next hour or so. Will the new iPhone be thicker? Will it have two cameras for iChat? Will it be pretty (RED)esigned? Will the battery last longer? Will it come to Canada (he may announce/confirm it as “coming soon” – Comwave still has “iPhone” as a package deal on it’s site but Comwave’s TV commercials mention no such package anymore)? Will it have games? Will it sync wireless? Will it cure my hangnail?

I’ll be busy from noon to two hitting refresh on my Gizmodo liveblog window.

UPDATE: The Canadian Apple Store is down. Get your credit cards ready! (Actually, Engadget reports the Apple store down “globally” Woot!)

UPDATE: Steve Jobs… someone get him a milkshake. He’s looking thin…

UPDATE: $199 for the second generation 3G iPhone?!? If you buy one, millions of early adopters will be coming to your house to expect $5 from you. Me included.

Still, I like the apps that are coming. WordPress app! Save images! Games that work (No offense iZoo)!

UPDATE: 10 minutes after the end of the presentation, Apple Store Canada has the 3G. Rogers.com is not responding. Hmmmm… when it finally does come up, no mention of the iPhone.

Perils of Laundry

Toronto

I’m waiting for the last 20 seconds on the dryer I’m using at my local laundromat. It finishes and I start to stuff my clean clothes into my duffle bag. I don’t wait or fold at any laundromat, I’d rather do it at home, wrinkled, in front of the TV and away from the “local fauna” that also use this laundromat.

Halfway through stuffing, I notice a yellowy pair of underwear. “Ew, SharkBoy, those are ugly!” I think to myself. Then I think “I’ve never actually seen him wear yellow underwear…”

I’m stuffing someone else’s laundry into my bag.

Repulsed and embarrassed, I start back-digging into my bag, praying to the mystical sky god that the actual owner doesn’t come back and see me rummaging round his personals.

When I get home I notice two pairs of “trendy” and incredibly small pairs of underwear that is neither of ours. I quickly run back to the laundromat, again praying to the magical sky puppet master that the owner was still not there.

I swear to you, if you had seen a guy run into the laundromat and leave two pairs of underwear in an occupied dryer, you might have said something. Thankfully our city is becoming more apathetic.

iPretentious

iPhone

Me. Subway. 8:04am. Conversation in my head:

Yeah, I think I’ll just PULL OUT MY iPHONE. That’s right Mr 4-Year-Old-Blackberry. THE iPhone. Accept no substitutes. Just flick it on here. Oh yeah! Music! Rock on! Oh what is this? A game you say? Certainly! Wee! High Score! I love the little hippo faces when I pop three in a row! Weee! Oh I love this song!

What’s that? You put away your Blackberry and took out your iPod (classic… zzz)? Two devices? My my my my my my. How behind you are. I’m just going to open my collection of YouTube videos I have and entertain myself –

Looks up and sees own reflection.

Shit. My fly is down.

Cocomisogyny

Distractions, General

A co-worker brought in some Baci chocolate and wrapped around each one was a quote designed to get you horny or romantic or horny for romance or something. As far as I can glean, most think women are malleable objects and men are MEN:

“By all means marry. If you get a good wife you will become happy, and if you get a bad one you will become a philosopher.” –Socrate (sic)

“When writing of women, the pen should be dipped in a rainbow.” — D. Dederot

“If God had not created woman, he would not have created flowers.” — V Hugo

And my personal fave:

“Only men who are not interested in women are interested in their clothes.” — A France

One Word Answers

General

No, not how I deal with my husband when I get home from work… Just an internet meme from Romach and Solitude:

1) Where is your cell phone?
elbow

2) Your significant other?
Man

3) Your hair?
None

4) Your skin?
Alligator

5) Your father?
Loveable

6) Your favourite thing?
iPhone

7) Your dream last night?
Mean

8)Your favourite drink?
Milk

9) Your dream/goal?
Fame

10) The room you’re in?
Cubicle

11) Your ex?
Gone

12) Your fear?
Loneliness

13) Where do you want to be in 6 years?
Alive

14) Where were you last night?
Livingroom (is that one word?)

15) What you’re not?
Organized

16) Muffins?
Top

17) One of your wish list items?
iMac

18)Where you grew up?
Lonely

19) The last thing you did?
Negotiate

20) What are you wearing?
Chinos

21) Your TV?
Crap

22) Your pets?
Cat

23) Your computer?
Frankenstein

24) Your life?
Vacation

25) Your mood?
Pensive

26) Missing someone?
Nope

27) Your car?
Nope

28)Something you’re not wearing?
Heart

29) Favourite store?
Electronics

30) Your summer?
Short

31) Like someone?
Tons

32) Your favourite colour?
Orange

33) When is the last time you laughed?
Thursday

34) Last time you cried?
What?

35) Who will/would re-post this?
Nobody

36) Whose answers are you anxious to see?
Cat

37) Most disliked vegetable?
None

38 A lovely Person?
Meesh

39) Country I want to visit?
Japan

40) Lucky number?
7

Wednesday Blog Roll Ups

General

* Acid Reflux Web: Miss Retrovirus looks for her inner HIV Glamour while fighting off wandering hands.
* Blamblog: Not being able to view videos (either by restrictive licensing or by Net Neutrality) makes people MAD!
* Cultural SNAFU …or you can wander the web anonymously, Brett.
* David R Use to be Therlin: It’s peanut butter Jellyfish time!
* Dead Robot’s Flickr fun!: My Becel Ride for Heart was used in a social news gathering site! I’m famousey!
* dog’S FAINT: Uh. first picture not entirely worksafe. Vegas-style topless art shots.
* Electronic Replicant: He’s good with his hands. I don’t know what it is, but it’s shiny!
* Fortress of Solitude: (Pressing “refresh”) Come on… come on… COME ON!!!
* Hairy Fish Nuts: He must be on the floor crying since the whole Obama thing last night. No update since yesterday morning!
* Human Nature: Even though humanity has progressed throughout the years, there are still quite a few people who resemble neanderthals. People who stand you up, for example?
* Hypnoray: NO UPDATE ALERT!!! WOOP WOOP WOOP! Three weeks since his last post. Four weeks before that! Woop wooop!
* I Always Win DILFs! (near No Update Alert!!)
* My Blog Rules Your Ass: F**king Awesome cooking videos! Cajun gudness!
* My Life in the YYZ: New furniture! Bigger desk! Credit Cards! Our man is a good capitalist!
* Nice To See Stevie B: I’ve seen episodes of South Park. I doubt Denver getting a Hamburger Mary’s will result in Gay Marriages.
* Norml Than You: NO UPDATE ALERT!!! WOOP WOOP WOOP! Come on, Gurl! You’ve been camping this weekend. Let’s see some pics!
* Photojunkie: I can’t link to one specific post in the last month or two. They’re all amazing images. Go and look.
* Phronk: Hiatus = Sad.
* Ripping Stitches Obama and Prince lyrics. I think I’ll like the US again.
* RoboCub: Needs to move to California…
* Sharkboy: Gruesome image of a drunk driver’s outrageous carelessness. This public service announcement was brought to you by Dewars!
* StudioYVR: Don is navel gazing. A bit too deeply…
* Tomato Transplants: Jane shows promise. I barely remember to wash my hands!
* Turnip Style: Bitch stole my title from my last post! Actually that’s pretty freaky. Anyhoo, he’s ready for the future!
* Unsweetened: She’s just now realizing chips burn? We need to take her camping.
UPDATE: My apologies, I forgot Planet Romach: Who is wondering what Ms Clinton will be doing in the near future.

End of an Era

Personal Bits, Tech

…I’m speaking to a Mr Robot?

I’m back from the store. My roommates gather around as I reveal with a flourish: the four head VCR. It cost me close to $500 on special at Sears. Cheers and back slapping ensue for a solid minute. Quickly we hook it up to the TV and settle in for a marathon of movies.

Yes. Can you tell me that figure again?

I’m waiting in line at the College. I see a girl run out of the registrar’s office in tears. I’m worried that that will be me in a few minutes. After supplies and rent and a decent week’s worth of food, I’ve got enough to play a fist full of video games in the common area.

Certainly. After the three payments of $535, $410 and $437 made in the month of May…

I’m staring at my first computer in the dark cave of my living room. I’ve made my first piece of digital art on the tiny 15″ screen: a combination of a picture of myself that I’ve applied a Peter Max type filter and some warped text over my head. I found it easy to do.

…I guess you did your taxes in one go for three years, Mr Robot?

My first web page I did as a joke (much like all my web interactions). It was a hommage to Jon Erik Hexum: All the images I could find combined with a sad midi file; uncontrollably embedded into the page; animated GIFs of torches bookended a 20 second poem I had written. My teacher laughed at the tackiness of it, saying I “grokked” the Web. But he didn’t understand why Jon Erik.

Yes. I did. Which leaves me with…?

I’m standing in the student book shop, wondering if instead of paying the $10 for another pad of newsprint for life drawing class, I could flip all my drawings from the last month over and use the back, meanwhile I could eat cheap pork chops and still have enough to go to Katrinas and have at least two drinks with my friends (who all have paying jobs) this weekend.

Well it looks like we’re showing a balance of $411.05. I guess you’ll be paying this off within 30 days? Just add $3 for the interest.

And with that, the albatross that has been around my neck for the last 20 years flies away.

I have paid off my student loan.