Hush Hush Sweet Gates

Personal Bits, Tech
My Ono-Sendai Deck

My Ono-Sendai Deck

This morning I transferred over the last of the files from the PC to the Mac in a bizarre dance of wireless acrobatics across our N network. Yes. It took me a week. See PCs generally don’t come with a Firewire plug and I couldn’t find any male to male USB cords.

I shut down the PC for the last time and started to unplug everything from the back of the beige brick. As I did I thought of all the artwork, websites, letters, pictures, anger, sadness, fruitless searches, laughter and stupidity I’ve experienced with this one computer. After over 6 years and 4 reinstalls, two major viral attacks, various upgrades I can’t help but think how it’s been a good run. Not that I’d run back to a PC any time soon but you never forget the thing that got you there.

Yank – the keyboard is unplugged. Glurk – the Bluetooth mouse is out. Schtuck – out come the jumble of speaker wires. Glik – Ethernet cable. Scruhscruhscruh – Monitor disconnected.

Hey wait a minnit… Thinking I could add the monitor to the iMac for a second screen – palates and Mail, I sat and started to surf to see what kind of adapter I needed.

As I searched, SharkBoy and I simultaneously stopped and looked at each other.

It was quiet. We could hear things out on the street. The tap dripping in the washroom. The cats snoring.

For the last 6 years (3 years for Sharkboy) the two fans that run the processor and the video card on that old PC have been a constant drone, a soundtrack to my home life. I knew when things were being processed or the insides needed a dusting from a blast of canned pressurized air,  just by the tone of the fans. Now it was silent. Like, deafeningly silent.

With the iMac, I hear… nothing. My fingers are the most noisiest thing in the office as I type on the chicklette keys.

Why didn’t I do this sooner?

Meeting the In Laws – Really

Personal Bits

Okay here’s the real In-Laws meeting story:

Due to the early curtain time my brother had given the tickets to his show to the new fiancé – let’s call her The Maiden- and we’re instructed to meet her at the front of the theatre. Armed with only a brief glimpse of a iPhone pic Da, Friend of Da, SharkBoy and I scan the crowd for her.

The Maiden arrives. Smiles and intros all around. She’s lovely. And brave to get thrown into the Gay Family Mafia with no Michael to fall back on.

The tickets are split in two separate seating groups: A pair together close to the front and 3 a bit further back.

Me: (taking charge) We’ll take the two so you and Dad can talk.

The Maiden: …And you and SharkBoy can neck.

I love her instantly.

Our meeting was all too brief. I can’t wait to officially welcome her into the family.

Meeting the In-Laws

Celebs and Media, Personal Bits, political

This afternoon I was treated to free theatre by my brother, Michael. Bless his heart, without him the only culture I’d get would be PS3 gaming blogs for cheat codes.

He’s in “Stuff Happens” at the Royal Alexander Theatre, playing George Bush in a play that is…

a dramatic speculation, authenticated from multiple real-life sources, on the behind-closed-door proceedings that have shaped recent world events

When we had dinner earlier in the week we talked about the play and how it was coming along but he failed to mention he was playing GWB. As the play started and we were introduced to the political figures that shaped world politics during 9/11, my brother rose to speak and a ridiculously frank Texan accent came pouring out. Being his brother and have listened to countless jokes and impressions from him all my life, I couldn’t tell if he was pulling it off. However I was very excited. As far back as I can remember, he is cast as the slovenly neurotic schlep that everyone falls for and I think this was his second political figure he’s ever played (he played an advisor in Frost/Nixon), certainly the most colourful/famous. The laughs he garnished certainly was indication the audience was buying it. The woman in front of me turned to her husband and made some remark, her finger stabbing at the stage at my brother. I think he did well.

In fact the entire cast did really well. The play pulls from actual quotes and situations and relives the insanity of a world wanting and resisting going to war after America’s greatest attack on it’s soil. There were curious dramatic tensions (a suggested budding romance between Colin Powell and Condoleezza Rice?) and fly-on-the-wall imaging of back room conversations that were interesting to see but would probably make a Right Winger stand up and yell “THAT NEVER HAPPENED!!”, however they never crossed the line into an overt Liberal love-orgy. I would hope that if it ever plays in the US that many people go see it in  “Those who forget the past are condemned to relive it” kind of way. But I think is pretty doubtful, unless Michael Moore produces it – SharkBoy’s comment after was “I doubt they could stand it”

The kick in the gut line says it all: “After 9/11 America became stupid”

PS: The whole reason I wrote this was to say I met my brother’s fiance. Hello Morwyn!!

Run, Fatboy. Run.

Personal Bits

This morning I was woken by the cats at 4:30am with their regularly scheduled playfight. They tend to start flailing themselves across the hardwood floor of the hallway about that time. It sounds like someone tossing a fur-lined bag of meat into a wooden shipping container.

Regardless, I was awake. While I waited for sleep to come back to me I hopped on my iPhone and checked out various social mediums. Two people I know on Facebook are preparing for marathons. These two are both people I’d think were the last to actually go out and get sweaty – one being a bookworm I’ve known since high school and the other an IT professional who writes on the side. Couchy potatoey types training for a marathon at the same time. Huh. Weird.

I flip over to my blog feeds and see that Don (StudioYVR – who has modeled his blog after the Apple site – trez trendy) is prepping for no less than 11 marathons next year.

I can’t even schedule my next Doritos run. Oh yes I can. Usually at 7pm every night.

And as I thought about these people getting out there and just doing it, SharkBoy rolls over and hugs me. His hand slips under my gut.

Le Sigh. I haven’t been on my bike in a while and the gym membership has been on hold since the strike/Workshare summer. I’ve gained about 10lbs in the last couple months. With the impending Pig Trough on the Ocean vacation coming up (swimsuits – yikes…), I decided it was time to get back into it. And that there was no better time to start than right at that moment.

5am and I lean into SharkBoy’s sleeping face: “I’m going for a run.” I whisper.

“Really?” The word “really” sounded more like “You’re fucking kidding me.”

I start with stretches out in the back parking lot behind the apartment. George Hamilton 2, the neighbour’s cat who looks like our George Hamilton, greets me as I grunt to touch my toes. In the silence of the morning I can hear… a lot of cats meowing, either to be let in or just because that’s the time they all sing. Or they’re fucking. Cats. Go figure.

I set off towards Riverdale Park at a decent trot. I’m mindful of how my feet are landing and that I’m not clenching my fists. I loosen my shoulders and breathe deep. Within a half block I am wheezing like an asthmatic who has just had a massive roll of $20s thrust into his hand and has been walked into a stripper bar. I manage a half block walk, half block jog as I run around Cabbagetown. Over my gasps for air I hear… nothing. The drone of the DVP in the valley and the odd car going down Parliament Street. After a good 30 minutes I decide to return home.

As an added bonus to myself I ran by a Tim Hortons so I could breathe in donut exhaust.

Will I continue? I think so. Not sure how I will manage on wet or snowy days but for now, I’m not hating it. It’s actually fun.

At home I jump back onto the Wii Fit. “Really?” it says.

Thursday Randominium

Celebs and Media, Distractions, You Stupid Dick

Change

Engadget changes it’s layout and for the most part, it’s unreadable. I didn’t like it before with it’s untethered white space and now the core font is a bit too “magazine-y”

Speaking of Change

Would you continue reading Dead Robot if I went down to a post a week but had layouts like Smashing Magazine suggests?

[poll id=”4″]

He’s Angry At These Cans!

We consume over 103,260,550 Coke cans a day (according to Gizmodo) Much like when American Airlines stopped painting their planes, Giz speculates that if you made the cans naked you’d save tons of paint yearly. TONS! And blind people rejoice.

Pokey!

Going for the H1N1 shot? Got mine. Hurts like a… what rhymes with Brother Trucker? Someone told me to keep your arm super relaxed before they plunge in the needle. I was too busy trying to make my doctor laugh. Expect 24-48 hours of generally gross feeling after too. But now I can walk through a barn without fear.

Mickey Confidential

I found this via someone searching “Inner Cast Member”  on my blog: Cast Member Confidential is a blog revealing some pretty funny and/or racey behind the scenes at the Magic Kingdom. Spotlight of Truth? Brett Easton Ellis Fiction? I haven’t decided yet but I am loving it.

My New Favorite App

Billions of Apps are being created as we sit here and rot within our skins. This one stands out: CatPaint. Create your own artistic marvels for $1.
Mew! Postbear's knee

‘Membar?

SharkBoy and I were watching Flight of the Navigator the other night and this was in a scene. I seem to recall some media outlet complained that this video was “violent” and too bizarre for television. Probably the BBC. Funny thing about FotN: Paul Rubens did the voice of the ship, Max. He’s slightly modulated to sound like Judge Reinhold but when he goes into the high octaves, there’s the old Pee Wee we all know.

Too Much Reality TV

Celebs and Media, Distractions, Personal Bits, Travel

amazing-race-15-12I woke this morning and decided that I shouldn’t let TV rule my creativity.

With Mad Men in-between seasons I can now ease off on the self conscious art director dreams I usually have after watching a single episode. The dream is always the same: I walk into my boss’ office and lay down 5 years of pent up anger at how our company’s brand is more fractured than a plate glass window in a Bruce Willis action film. I usually wake from them weirdly optimistic that work will get better if I just take more initiative.

Now that Amazing Race is nearly over and that Matt Tomljenovich (at right leaning on his father) are out of the race I can stop dreaming about him. Not in a creepy school girl way, he just is in my dreams.

Last night I dreamed I was on a really rusted out ship headed for Tokyo with cameras following 60-70 of us passengers all over the rust bucket as we search for …things… that would better our placement in the game when we arrived. Contestants were practically falling over camera equipment…

…and caged animals… (???)

…as we went from one part of the ship to the next. I had to share a 3 bedded room with 20 guys, which strangely looked like the room I shared with Canadian ex-pats in London’s Earls Court Road. Meanwhile, a camera was thrust into my face as I offered up my bed to a 8 year old kid who thanked me but I could see in his parent’s eyes that I had made some critical strategic reality TV game show error and they were going to crush my spirit at the next challenge or something. Meanwhile Matt was taking off his pants so I was utterly distracted.

God Help Me

Tech, You Stupid Dick

I’m going to Best Buy tonight to try to order a computer. An iMac. Using a gift card as part of the payment.

Yeah I know! Crazy!

Everything about this I know is setting off alarms in my head. I have become so cynical towards customer service from past experience (and not just from Best Buy), that I am not putting a lot of faith in this foolish endeavour. At the first sign of stupidity I will throw my hands up in the air and run from the store in tears, sit on the pavement outside the store and light my Best Buy credit card on fire like some well meaning Vietnam Buddhist monk.

I know what you’re thinking – Why not just go to the Apple Store? Due to the impending cruise our cash has been vented to the vacation, meanwhile our Best Buy card has been gathering dust since our TV purchase. My need for a new computer outweighs my desire to keep my sanity intact, it seems.

Yesterday I tried calling around to various Best Buy stores to see if they had the particular iMac I wanted – the BB site sucks for inventory reporting. After calling a couple locations I knew the sequence of buttons to get to the Computer Hardware Department line but apparently at the Downsview store, pressing the same sequence of buttons lands you in some freaky alternative universe of goatee-wearing Best Buy employees:

BB Girl: Thankyouforcallingbestbuy. How can I direct your call?
Me: I’m calling to see if you have the 21.5″ iMac in stock.
BB Girl: Is that… pardon?
Me: The Apple iMac…? 21.5″ model…?
BB Girl: Is that a computer? I guess you want a computer!

Holy crap. A Best Buy employee that didn’t know what an Apple computer was? Meanwhile, she transfers me to a dead line.

If I walk out of the Yonge and Dundas outlet with nothing more than anger I will utterly gobsmacked. Stay ‘tuned!

Happy Dead Robot

Happy Dead Robot

Update: We walk into the Y&D Best Buy store and after trying hard to wave someone down we hung out near the staff door near the back. We flag down a woman going off the floor and she calls on her headset for a manager to come by to help us. The manager is not really interested in helping us since he has no more iMacs in his store. Can we purchase it now and wait for it to be shipped? No. Can we purchase it now and have it shipped from another store? No. Can you tell us the nearest store that has one. Sigh. From his terminal he finds one out by the airport. Thanks buddah!

However, the staff and service out at the Etobicoke store was polar opposites. We got help within seconds, we fixed our BB card with the CSR within moments (apparently they changed finance companies that day – hence the inability to purchase the computer online last night) and had the iMac in my hot grubby hands within 15 minutes. Night and Day, my friends.