Tag Archives: chaps

Second Class Citzen!


Torontoist has a great article about the current legal state of HIV disclosure, marginalization of those who are HIV+ and the possibility of more strident persecution for non-disclosure.

The article does shine some hope that more education is needed but in the same sentence, the hope is ripped out by the mere mention of economic/political deflation.

Enter the site HIVStigma.com, here to help promote the politically correct way of cruising online. Okay I’m simplifying it but it does offer a broad range of opinion, experience and instruction for both positive and negative folks alike. Brian (from my blogroll Acidrefluxweb.com) speaks plainly and directly about how many HIV positive people are isolated (and possibly fall victim to non-disclosure) with common Craigslist personal ad terminology like “drug and disease free” or “I’m clean – I expect UB2”. The other testimonial videos are great and insightful, tied to blogs with open discussion. The site seems to be going in the right direction towards education and discourse.

The site isn’t all highly intelligent nuggets of discussion, of course. The interstitial intro video comes with a Madonna joke within seconds of it’s start and has that edgy editing that makes me cringe. This jumpy video (blurry at any resolution over 1024×786) does nothing but detract from the message. Thankfully a cookie removes second viewings. Meanwhile, someone involved with the site’s development decided that injecting raw sexuality into this education tool was needed, because of course, if you’re gay you need a hairless guy gyrating to a disco loop to learn. For a laugh, try the game “Explicit Truth” that quizzes players on social/morality questions of transmission, best practices and disclosure. Choose the muscle guy in the ill-fitting chaps with the red jogging short underneath and sandals for the sheer cheese of it. Methinks the leather community wasn’t invited to the board room where this game was created.

Regardless of the site’s effectiveness, the legality issue seems to be escalating as life expectancy is being extended. And I got to thinking that this escalation might lead to the removal of an age old gay cornerstone: bath houses. Much like bars are responsible for the well being of their patrons, it isn’t much of a stretch to see the baths legally becoming responsible for the “safety” of their guests. I worked in a popular Church Street bar that after an unfortunate arm wrestling contest accident, no insurance company would touch us because of the “practices” that went on inside the bar, even after our written promise that contests like that would never take place again. What is to stop insurance companies to withdraw their business operating policies for baths based on the possibility that transmission happens within their doors?

Standing Up

Distractions, Improv/Comedy

Sunday night I was able to tick off a point on my Bucket List, if I actually had a list:

I finally did stand up comedy.

It wasn’t much more of a stretch from improv although, ironically, I found it much more terrifying to get up in front of an audience with a script than getting up there with no idea what’s coming next.

I got a call from my old teacher Gord asking if I wanted to do 5 minutes of stand up for a wedding benefit for two people from my old improv class. Why he thought I was doing stand up, I don’t know, but without thought, I said “Yes, let’s” (The old improv mantra).

For the past week I’d brainstormed some stuff about weddings and relationships and I had come up with some pretty shocking stuff (A dick! In my ear! I’m never going back to Bed, Bath and Beyond in San Francisco!) until I got an email on Thursday informing all the acts: “Keep it G-Rated, kids in the audience.”

Son of a bitch.

Friday/Saturday I had to salvage as much as I could and re-write. What follows is my kid-friendly (?) wedding-centric set, improvised rifts included (family should know that this is comedy, not truth. Anything I might say I do for laughs and appreciate you allowing me to make fun):

Vangie and Rain (the engaged)! Congratulations! You two aregoing to have so much fun!

(less sincere) So much fun.

Rain & Vangie came to my gay wedding two years ago. Yah, big gay wedding. Great day, I had no regrets on the day, except for the drag queen not being able to perform ’cause she caught fire but that’s another story all together.

Gay marriages are great-

(Two chaps hoot and clap)

My gays! Married? No? When?

Like I said, gay marriages are the best. Straight guys hear me out! No really. Okay there’s an aspect you might gag on, but the best part about marrying a guy is that… Well. You married a guy!

Your sock are all over the living room;

You can equally hate your in-laws (baby doll voice) Christmas is ruined!;

And the toilet seat is in the right position most of the time: up.

That was cliché and I apologize.

The thing about marriage is that it’s the same dynamic no matter what the set up: gay, straight, farmer/goat common law… The same. They’re just re-wired differently for each.

Example: I married a fairly masculine man. He’s no Richard Simmons. Beard, girth, great guy. But yet, as macho he is, we can’t go to a tropical hotel or a camp ground or a cottage without me entering into the bathroom doing reconnaissance with one shoe in my hand. I’m the spider-killer.

And I hate those buggers too.

I’m the slob in our relationship. I mean I pull my weight (wave at gut) but I’m a guy. I get distracted. One moment I’m elbow deep in the toilet, scrubbing away and BAM suddenly I’m playing XBox. The husband walks by the TV room, sees me and says “What the hell are you doing?!” (Baby doll voice) I don’t know how it happened.

After two years we’re still developing these dynamics. Just recently we got a bigger place and I was able to pull my stuff out of storage. Let me tell you that unpacking your stuff in front of each other is exactly like undressing in front of each other for the first time. With the lights on. You really do bare your soul because you’re showing an aspect of your personality.

Rain, I am sure you experienced this, being a sci fi geek. When I was unpacking, I pulled out the 12″ Star Wars Boba Fett action figure and was met with:




Siiiiiiggh” (looking around room)

See, in a gay relationship, since we both can decorate, the one who actually decorates is the one who can sigh harder.

And as you repack your action figure, you think to yourself “Welcome to a lifetime of compromise.”

But it’s worth it.

You’re going to experience something not a lot of people get to do. You have another person’s promise of love, respect and commitment. You have their promise that if you say the stupidest thing at a party, you’ll still have someone to go home with.


And you get to wake up every morning and next to you is someone you know will have your back when things go bad.

And that’s the best feeling in the world.

And so is rolling over and farting on them.

Thank you Rain and Vangie for inviting me tonight and I wish you all the best!

The Walk of Shame


I viewed a lot of people doing The Walk of Shame throughout this sporadic long weekend. You know the look: dazed, 100 metre stare with much regret behind their eyes; wrinkled clothes that just don’t look right in the full light of day (leather pants? In 25C heat?); and the shuffling that comes with the combination of too much alcohol and bruise-making sex.

It got me to thinking: What’s the best way to get back home and avoid street level embarrassment?

Here’s my hints and tips!

Leave early. Know that the traffic starts to pick up after 7am. Get out that door and giving yourself enough time to walk home while wearing those obvious clothes (unless you’ve worn ass-less chaps the night before, take a cab. No commuter who may spy your journey home, no matter what their sexual orientation, will take you seriously).

Consider your route home. If you have to walk by a school or playground or catty outdoor cafe full of hip young things, be prepared to feel the icy sting of comments and stares landing squarely on your back.

Don’t sleep there when the deed is done. Save yourself the trouble and pain. No mater how drunk, get your ass out of there.

Don’t spend all your money the night before. Taxis, while recently have increased their fares, are still great for avoiding the long walk home. If your one night stand lives in Scarborough and you live downtown, stop drinking appropriately.

Find a bush and finish up there. This way, nobody gets robbed. Nobody has to sneak glances at letters in the hallway to remember a name. Nobody gets breakfast. Downside: dog poop on your butt.

Steal. When your host is in the loo, steal a clean t-shirt. Unless you’re a chubby chasing, rail thin guy, you may want to steal a washcloth.

I hope I’ve helped you in some small way today.