Tag Archives: rick mercer

One For Rick Mercer


Exterior, day. Long shot of a ferry boat in Toronto Harbour.

We see two gentlemen looking over a laptop out in the open deck of the ferry. The one with the laptop is an awkward looking, 30-something guy, his over-the-shoulder friend is silent yet looks inquisitively at his friend’s screen. “Also Sprach Zarathustra” starts to play.

Laptop guy: You have to wait for the last moment before placing your bid.

He hits ENTER on his keyboard. An error sound “DONK!” is heard. “UPLOADING” flashes across the screen and a loading bar graphic creeps slowly along the top window.

Laptop Guy: Come on…! Come on!!

He fiddles with the laptop broadband aerial. Time is running out! Suddenly “Also Sprach Zarathustra” stops abruptly when we hear:

Handsome Laptop Guy: Alright!! Playoff tickets!

Medium shot through the crowd. Background extras clear the way to reveal Handsome Laptop Guy sitting with Hot Lady, across from Awkward Laptop Guy – an almost mirror image. Except, of course, they’re attractive.

Handsome Laptop Guy notices Awkward Laptop Guy. Handsome Laptop Guy waves and says:

Handsome Laptop Guy: Hey!

Awkward Laptop Guy pauses. His eye twitches. He rises and approaches the couple. POV shot from Handsome Laptop Guy’s seat – upshot of Awkward Guy looking right into camera: his face red with frustration.

Medium side shot of Awkward Guy bringing his laptop down upon Handsome Guy’s head. Brains and blood everywhere. Hot Lady screams and the crowd scatters as Awkward continues to bludgeon the man with his laptop with inadequate connectivity.

Awkward Laptop Guy: Damn you! Think you’re so smart with your fucking gadgets that work and shit! Die! I should have killed you back at the airport! My life is ruined because of you!

Rogers logo crawl.

Another for Rick Mercer

Celebs and Media, Hobbies

I’ve totally ripped this one off SharkBoy.

An office hallway. An upper twenties, well dressed man in business casual is walking towards us when he suddenly looks into a boardroom, just to his right.

Over-the-shoulder shot of him looking into the boardroom. Donuts and danishes are tantilizingly laid out on a tray.

Hallway shot again. Two well dressed, upper twenties women join the man.

Man: (flamboyantly) I’m going in!

He takes out a small brown bottle, unscrews the lid and inhales hard from it, while plugging one nostril.

Man: Woooo!

He dances into the boardroom, arms waving.

The two women take out Special K snacks and lazily munch from the pouches. Over-the-shoulder shot from the women as they watch the man in the boardroom. He’s got his shirt off and is gyrating around the table, rubbing danishes on his nipples. The thumping of techno music can be heard coming from the room.

Announcer: Special K! It’s not just for lonely secretaries who’s only male contact is that gay guy in accounting, anymore!