Tag Archives: streetcar

The Power Of Music


On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair
Warm smell of colitas, rising up through the air

SharkBoy and I hit the corner of Gerrard and Woodbine and stand in front of the TTC stop, waiting for the streetcar. With us is a well dress couple who, probably like us, are coming home from a seasonal house party.

Up ahead in the distance, I saw a shimmering light
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim

The stop is just outside a divey bar – the kind that generally fills up when a major sports event or end-of-the-month cheques come out.

I had to stop for the night
There she stood in the doorway;

The four of us are doing little dances to keep warm.

I heard the mission bell

The woman of the other couple notices a solo guy standing in the front window of the bar. He’s holding a mike and staring at a karaoke machine. The monitor is showing the next song, but the musical lead in is really long. We should totally sing this, the woman says.

And I was thinking to myself,
this could be heaven or this could be hell

We start to sing like it’s Xmas. I haven’t heard this song since my high school days (it reminds me of drunk cottage parties) and I’m amazed at how I stumble over the quick lyrics.

Then she lit up a candle and she showed me the way
There were voices down the corridor,
I thought I heard them say…

We sing the song, add some falsetto harmonies and the odd comment (“Any time of year, you can drink a beer!”). The song ends and we applaud and get a nod from the singer. As if on cue the street car comes. We say nothing else to each other as we board the car, the awkward Toronto attitude killing any further conversation, falling like a curtain. Moment over.

Welcome to the hotel california
Such a lovely place
Such a lovely face
Plenty of room at the hotel california
Any time of year, you can find it here

Visit Exciting Cabbagetown!

The Bad, Toronto, You Stupid Dick

Here is my copy for the local BIA’s upcoming flyer, to drum up interest in the Cabbagetown area. A place in which I live.

rotted-cabbageCabbagetown – Discover It!

Shop Cabbagetown! With over 200+ stores in our village you’ll be sure to find all your Chinese knock off needs! Visit the stores you have to push past cheap crap merchandise to actually get into the store to shop at! It’s quaint! It’s like the shop owners are saying “this is the shit we wish you’d steal!” After the boutiques, why not visit the Frills de Non Food Emporium where the ever beautiful check out staff will berate you for losing your wallet, or ignore your very presence by holding lane crossing conversations over your very head! Duck and cover!

Meet the Locals! Stop in at the hub of activity known as “The Laundromat!” where the sign outside proclaims they expertly handle Jambo sized loads! Feel free to eavesdrop on the colourful twosome from one of the many halfway homes, as they discuss how difficult it is to find “good cigarette butts” these days because everyone is cleaning up after themselves! Laugh at the antics of the Scooter Family as mother, daughter and other daughter try to negotiate the tiny corridor of washers in their three electrified scooters… at the same time! Swear words and hilarity ensue!

Street Performances Nightly! Got your dancing shoes on? Great! Because the night is the best time to evade punches at the streetcar stop as you defend yourself from fat bastards who insist on slurring your sexual orientation (regardless of what it is). Watch as they boozily toss punches like Mardi Gras beads! You’ll get caught up in the fun and become the show as people stop and stare at your street adventure! I hope you like to Tango, because this is going to go on every time the EI cheques come in! If dancing isn’t your forte, why not just people-watch from a safe distance (The Annex?) at the fine establishment that serves up the city’s cheapest draft beer and some chemical enhancements, if you know the right person to ask! Sing along with the decades old songs that get croaked like a liquored up frog, well past the 11pm noise bylaw – Wee! We don’t care if you live near by! You should be partying too!

Cabbagetown Festival Got something to sell fresh of a missing skid from your brother’s uncle in law’s shipping company? Hungry for roasted corn? And more roasted corn? Did we mention roasted corn? You can get it all and more at this yearly community event! Hundreds of homes open up their front lawns to the area’s largest garage sale! Get a scoop on what your neighbour thinks is re-sellable – like an open box of Q-Tips! Or Atari 2600 cartridges of Frogger! (Not open to people who live above stores in the BIA area)

What are you waiting for? Cabbagetown is waiting for you!