Tag Archives: subway

Full Circle

Personal Bits

The phone rings last night and it’s the Old Audio Dude (my third in line brother), he’s coming to Toronto with Heather and The Mop, my incredibly thick-haired nephew. No really, this kid’s hair is incredible considering he came from our gene pool of hairy backed, thin-on-top family. He can take solace (or sadness?) in knowing that no Mii editor, no Xbox avatar creator, no PS3 Home builder, will every be able to recreate his large, unruly mane.

I digress.

He’s here in town and to give Heather the day to herself, SharkBoy and I are going to treat him to a march down Queen West and a movie (Marley and Me). I think there might be robot shopping involved. Expect pictures. What makes me feel incredibly old and expectant, is the fact that he’s the exact age when I started to come with my Dad to Toronto on business trips and run around alone on the subway downtown (yeah, they use to let 13 year old kids wander the streets alone back in the 70s).

I’m slightly weirded out that this is how the legacy is passed on – trips to the Silver Snail with $20 in his pocket, a ticket to a movie and popcorn, chased down with big gulps of sugar water. That arcade is closed so I can’t show him that – he’s voiced his desire to plug into our PS3/Wii/Xbox combo until his eyes bleed, anyway. If I had more time I’d take him to the Science Centre but that’s too late. Oh well, we’ll teach him the fine art of shopping. Every young lad should learn that early.

Television Irony

Celebs and Media

I was watching The Porno Channel last Friday night with lots of moans and man-ass and penetration-less, bouncy boob shots. Oh don’t say you haven’t either. It’s called Showcase. Anyway, Showcase broadcasts a bevvy of racy shows that feature women with perfectly augmented breasts, secret German sex clubs and kinky people profiles of persons you might be standing next to, unsuspecting, while travelling on the subway every day. It’s Friday night and things are pumping after 10pm!

Kim WoodburnRight smack dab in the middle of all this erotic TV is a strategically placed ad featuring Kim Woodburn (I can’t make this up) and her squad of lovely homemakers who try hard to find the most practical solutions to keeping your house and home clean.

Buzz. Kill.

The way they film her is the antithesis of erotic, utterly killing any ideas of amorous advancements. Her head, with her hair pulled back so severely, looks like a spray-tan melon with a bun. Her voice has the perfect school marm tone and she looks out from your TV as if to say “I see what you’re doing to yourself!!”

Bravo, Showcase, for making sure we’re not taking your programming too seriously.