Oh Apple. How I love and hate you simultaneously. Your iPhone is a thing of beauty. Sublime. Utterly life changing. But your accessories leave me thirsty for more, like some post-Survivor participant thirsts for their sixteenth minute of fame.
We all know the ear buds suck. No big surprise. I want to talk about how Apple knows they suck, made an equally maddening improvement that sucks even more so. And just as you’re about to play the boiling mad consumer when you return them, they soothe your pain with treacle and excellent customer service.
Yes. I bought the $90 In-Ear buds that may or may not work for iPhones and they were glorious. The sound was so rich I could hear the lead singer from Underworld fart during one track, I swear. But soon after the cons started.
Logically, headphones with a microphone suggests they made these buds for the iPhone, since voice recording isn’t all that much of a big need (or a huge selling app) on an iPod Touch. So I’m assuming it’s primarily made for the iPhone but on the iPhone, the volume controls don’t work – they only work correctly for the iPods. So why add a microphone if it’s an iPod accessory? Maddening.
Secondly, as I paid for them, the woman pointed out that I have 3 weeks to return them for a full refund. Not a store credit, or exchange. Full. Refund. Uh oh. Not a good sign but at least she pointed that out verbally and on the bill.
Another con is that the wire used for the buds have a habit of transmitting any vibration directly into your inner ear. So any footstep, any brush up against the wires, any silent burp, telegraphs to your ear bones like a tin cup and yarn telephone. It’s utterly distracting from the rich, beautiful music.
And finally, I don’t have the ears that keep the buds in place. I tried all three sizes but found I was reinserting them every block or so. I plucked my ear hairs, cleaned the wax out and yet still no grip. They constantly slipped out, reducing the aural impact.
I took them back last night to a very crowded Apple store, where they’ve banished the long wait for the cash by having floating remote cash points on the back pocket of the hip, young(ish) things that man the isles (tiny voice: Brilliant!). After a short exchange with the most popular and sexy Panda Bear that works there…
Panda Bear: (flashing his pay point machine) Paying with credit card?
Me: Returning, actually.
PB: Really? Didn’t like them?
Me: My greasy Italian ears can’t keep them in my ear holes.
PB: You said it, not me.
…I got to the counter and was out of the store with not an ounce of hassle. In fact there was only one question asked:
Clerk: Can I ask why are you returning them?
Me: (Offering my list of complaints, said nicely and with a smile).
Clerk: I am sorry to hear that these didn’t work for you.
Yeah. She took ownership of the problem. I was so shocked by that one sentence that I told her at the end of the transaction that her service was excellent. It was like getting a good night blow job when you only expected a kiss. I didn’t add that part.
Unfortunately when I got home, the 3rd party brand I bought were such utter shite I tore them from my head and cursed the day this nameless company was created. The jack wasn’t sitting correctly in the iPhone, producing a crackling noise, the microphone produced such poor quality playback over the phone that I sounded like I was in an empty bucket at the back end of a concert hall while trying to removing chicken feathers from my throat. The buds themselves leaked so much noise SharkBoy was holding his own ears. Yeah that bad.
I’ll recount my second return later. Wish me luck!
11 thoughts on “(Head)Phoning It In”
crap. oh well, go look at the pic on flickr, you’ll recognise the location.
I’ve Sennheiser in-ear phones. They have the same problem of transmitting any rubbing of the chord, and are looser in one ear of mine (appropriate, since I am half Italian). However, the pure beauty of the sound, especially compared to the horrible Apple buds, makes it all worth it.
Although, I can’t hear traffic coming any more, and will probably die for good music.
Can’t. You linked to the image directly. But no surprise. I think it costs Apple $0.45 to make these headphones.
you littering bastard!
note the map location.
Sorry about this extra comment, I had the Apple in-ear headphones and hated them too. I returned them after a day. These are really that much better!
The ones from Bose are different, they sit in your ear like a regular earbud BUT there are extensions that bring the sound in. So the support is pretty much like the earbuds but the sound quality is like the in-ear headphones…
Photog2: I dont know if I can do the In-The-Ear kind after using the Apple ones. These made my ear ache and slipped out due to my Italian hairy ears. I think I need an old fashioned over the head band/ear bud hybrids kind.
Mutant: I bet you get stairs on the stairmaster.
CB: I know, right?! I would love to work for the Apple but I have zero patience for people in general. While I was getting the best service in the world, the clerk beside me had a rude guy toss down his purchase, his bank card and responded to her pleasant questions with one word answers. Re-cessss-tion!
Bro: So hood rich. a $400 music player with $5 speakers. tsk.
Let me know what you settle on. The fuckers won’t stay in my ears, either. Or more specifically, my right ear. You know what’s working? Air friggin’ Canada earphones. But the sound is shite. Let me know…
Yes. LOVE Apple stores. Love the roaming checkout lanes.
I have the damn B&O cool as fuck headphones which are ok, but don’t work with my iPhone without an adapter.
They still look cool tho’
And yet people scoff at me when I shun technology. You might like to know I have no such issues with my vacuum-transistor powered AWA turntable. Playback sounds brilliant evertime I put the needle to the vinyl.
Portability is something of an issue though as the wardrobe-sized speakers get heavy, I find it hard to keep the turntable level on public transport and I haven’t found an extension cord long enough to get me all the way to work.
Sigh.
Get these:
http://www.futureshop.ca/catalog/proddetail.asp?logon=&langid=EN&sku_id=0665000FS10091641&catid=23933
They are WICKED! I bought them a month ago and it was the best investment ever, got rid of those damn Apple earbuds with the peeling rubber ring!