Category Archives: General

Mostly pop culture rants. Usually without reason or spell chekin.

Random Bits

General

I invented a new drink this weekend: Zero G. Its Diet Sprite Zero with Gin. None of those pesky carbs like beer!

When you are at a blender party and they have a mist rope in full sunlight, remember to get out of the mist every so often. You’re just mangnafying the UV rays on your scalp. Especially after two 4oz Banana Daquiris.

Again at the blender party, gay men seem to lose certain levels of inhibitions after four 4oz Mudslides. Picnic tables are not rimming benches.

If you are a horrible dancer, expect bitter people to laugh at you.

No matter how hard you try to get people to use the right terminology, some people will still refer to web pages as links.

Blueberries are fantastic fresh.

The stuff inside pupating moth thingies will pop with a sickly ooze when mistakedly squeezed.

The guy you just hired might actually know a hell of a lot more than you.

The Pirates of the Caribbea… oh forget it.

General

Hey kids! Shelly here!

So Blamb thought Superman Returns was too long. I wonder if he’s sat through POTC-DMC yet. Shiver me timbers, you could have lopped off 45 minutes of this waterlogged, barnacle encrusted clam and still had a halfway decent movie (don’t expect a pearl inside though, just irritated muscle – my ass from sitting so long). The trend this year seems to be “keep ’em in their seats!” as Hollywood seems to over-compensate for a few years of digital movies devoid of story. Be prepared to be borded by confusion as you try to remember plot points from the last movie a couple years back as instances and characters are shoved out on the plank and pushed over into the sea. Yeah I missed some bits.

Depp doesn’t dissapoint. He does grate on you a bit after a while, but he doesn’t waiver from his lurchy antics. Yeah. I know, I know for Neptune’s sake. HE’S CHANNELING KEITH RICHARDS. Got it.

The rest were… Oh why bother? This movie supposively was the top grossing opening weekend movie ever. What can I say to take that back?

2 out of 5 shells kids. Let this one pass you by like a ship in the night.

The Biz, Baby!

General, Personal Bits, Queer stuff

I’ve wandered across the path of a couple producers and directors in my time. Certainly not as much as my brother Michael, but enough to get the sense that they all have this “thing”. They exude an aura of confidence and energy that is so thick, it resides in your nose and you can taste it the next day in the shower.

Meeting up with the Casting Director of Punched Up last week was no exception.

Before seeing her, I had to spend some time with the Gopher. She was hired 48 hours prior to my interview, and already she had the whole “Bubbles” from Absolutely Fabulous personna down to a tee: perky, dressed like a 12 yr old tom boy, trying to make an office appliance work with some success. We sparred a bit while she got me to fill out a release form and she tried some of her new schtickon me (she confessed to doing stand up) while she photocopied my application. She was punched up already. She frightened me a bit.

When the Casting Director and her assistant were ready for me they ushered me into a back room (the office, in a bombed out loft on Bathurst, was a great metaphor for the state of Canadian television) and sat me down in front of their camera. Casting started off by saying “You showed up on our radar fairly quickly. We’ve been wanting to talk to you for some time.” It was an empowering statement that, at the time, gave me a warm fuzzy of being wanted. Her aura was all around me. I wanted to do her bidding!

They drilled me about how Punched Up could help me. Where in my life do I need a comedic shot in the arm? When I mentioned the campground I go to, the Assistant nearly peed herself with excitement. Seems part of the attraction of 6 comedians coming to your door is that they’re travelling in a Winebego. The idea of these comedians arriving at a gay campground with clothing optional areas to make fun of my serene, stress-free weekends is good tv.

By the end of it she nearly had me doing drag in front of my family at the campground for Thanksgiving dinner as nude trailer park occupants strolled by.

Television people are rather persuasive.

Am I in? I don’t know yet. The casting director has to fly the idea past the writers. I will keep you posted.

Threat Alert – Kinda Mean

General

Here at Dead Robot Heavy Industries we care about your comments and enjoy reading your every thought processes. That is, unless you’re a soul-less robot script that is sent out by your miserable overlords to spam helpless blogs.

Recently we’ve noticed that some of you scripts (I hate calling them “bots” or “spiders” – they’re programs people. No moving parts!) have upped your attacks to DeadRobot’s “trackback” feature, messing up our ability to know when someone is truthfully quoting DeadRobot. As a response, DeadRobot has raised it’s comment/trackback threat level from “normal – kinda nice” to “Strong – Kinda mean”

If you have any problems commenting, please let me know. Somehow.

Festival Of Popular Delusions Day

General

I seriously overheard this at the gym:

“They say these terrorist were going to set off their bombs tomorrow: The sixth day on the sixth month of the sixth year! 666! They wanted to optimize Catholic fear.”

You. Fucking. Fear mongrelling. Dipshit. First of all, that’s a bad movie remake marketing ploy for “The Omen”. The real number of the beast is something like 616 depending on your beliefs and if that’s the case then you missed it. Secondly why would Muslim extremeists, who want to destroy our freedoms, want to use this as a marker when Canada has such a diverse spectrum of religious beliefs? I thought they hated our corrupt indulgent culture more than our religion? Why not attack us on National Mud Pack Day? Hit us in our vainest moments with muck on our faces?

As an aside, according to that page, today is Festival Of Popular Delusions Day. Oh irony!

The whole thing makes me think these terrorists were about as dumb as gym-boy here. Do you think that these numbskulls would have thought that some computer somewhere in the US or Canada (since we’re both being ruled by like minded, security-conscious conservative leaders), would have burped out their names when they tried to purchase all at once, 3 times the amount of nitrate that leveled the Oklahoma building? (Thankfully one did, but it wasn’t a computer based in any government office. Way to go, Canaidan Fertalizer Institute!)

Mine name is probably flashing across a CSIS screen right now for just typing that.

I hope.

Hello boys! Just a semi-hillarious fluff blog here… Kudos to you guys for catching these extremists before they could act! Keep up the good work!