I realize that the last couple of entries made me sound like a bitter old queen so I am going to give you a post that is breezy and fun:

• Sharkboy cannot for the life of him hum the “Wicked Witch of the West” theme. Not even close. You know the flurry of strings whenever we saw the witch from Wizard Of Oz on her bike or broom? Whenever we see a person on an old fashioned bike, he always goes “dadoot dadoota doo doo” when we all know its “doo ta doo ta doo doo”

• Once, my Mum dumped applesauce on the heads of three of the five kids in our family for saying “peep!” at the dinner table.

• My ice cream maker works. Very well.

• Happy birthday brother Mike!

• Old Audio Dude’s son is already into Japanese anime toys. I may weep!

• Speaking of brothers: When I was a kid I discovered that air occupies my tear ducts most of the time and I could make my eyes squeak quite loudly. I discovered this one night, back when I use to share a room with two older brothers. Think of it… a dark room with a pre-teen and two teens. Squeak! Squeak! Squeak! I had no clue that I making a noise that resembled self-love, I was mezmerized by the sound. Old Audio Dude finally broke the tension by yelling “STOP JERKING OFF!” After we sorted out that it was my eye making that noise, they had to tell me what “jerking off” meant.

• 7 Days to Labour Day Weekend Camping.

• 77 Days to my first Caribbean Cruise.

• GET WELL SOON SYLVIE! I know she doesn’t read this but I am super jazzed that she’s ok!

Wasn’t the weather great today?

If you haven’t done so yet, hold off on downloading iTunes 5 until a patch is available. I read (via Cnet’s News.com) that people are starting to complain of weird bugs on Apple’s support forums. Stuff like music and directories going missing, QuickTime incompatablities or the darn thing just not opening.

I just plugged in my iPod and discovered it created a new “On The Go” folder filled with show tunes and Xmas music. WTF?

Maybe Apple is subconciously getting people to shop for their Nanoo Nanoo’s early.

UPDATE: Just found some James Bond Themes in there too. Huh?!

Moniker Online Services, LLC
20 SW 27th Ave.
Suite 201
Pompano Beach, Florida 33069

Re: Invoice #2005-09

October 4, 2005

To Whom It May Concern:

I am providing you with my invoice for advertising on my private, non-commercial site for the month of September 2005. Your company was responsible for content and comment spam I received during that month supplied by clients who use your services, which in turn, required me to pay an additional charge for extra bandwidth required to display your client’s ads. Since I am unable to contact them directly due to their dubious business practices, I feel it is your responsibility to pass this charge onto your clients while covering my costs.

September Bandwidth overages: $78.00CDN

Payment can be made to the address below. If you require 30, 60 or 90 day payment options, we can discuss terms via email below.

Thank you.

Regards,

Ted
Deadrobot.com

Update: I got a response!

Subject: FW: Invoice for Sept/Oct 2005
From: “Monte Cahn” monte@moniker.com
Date: Tue, October 4, 2005 10:47 pm
Cc: legal@moniker.com

You need to send this invoice to the domain owner/Registrant or the hosting
company that is hosting the domain. We are the Registrar not the
registrant.

Thank you.

Best Regards,
Monte Cahn
Founder / CEO

I went back to the top three spammer’s URLs and lo and behold the sites are gone. In the ever successful War on Drugs, it was the policy of the US to undermind the suppliers of the drug, right? In that vein, I feel that Monkier should be held accountable for selling these bulk URLs to known spammers. So what should I write back to (snicker) Monte? Suggestions in the comments, please!

I was born in Toronto but was whisked away at the tender still-soft-in-the-top-of-my-head age of 3 months to live in Brockville. Brockvegas was created as a stopping point for tired truckers between Toronto and Montreal, a way station, if you will. And that’s where I lived until I was 17.

I now reside back in Toronto after living in Brantford (finished High School with my then-divorced and out Dad), Oakville (took Classical Animation at Sheridan College), Kitchener (worked as a Night Auditor so I could get to…), London (England – travelled and you know, expeirienced life man!) and Ottawa (where I managed Hostelling International’s flagship hostel while battled ghosts).

Out of them all, I would move back to London in a second.

Somewhere in there I came out of the closet. My sexuality is a part of me but isn’t all consuming, and I don’t agree with most of what the gay community stands for, dispite my oldest brother being an activist in the 70s. Which makes some people think I am “self hating” or “conservative gay”. Whatever. I am such an atypical Canadian fence sitter when it comes to politics (government and sexual) that my face should be on a coin. Probably a plug nickel.

I was reminded just how beautiful life is.

Imagine having an albatross put around your neck and for years, you faithfully drag it around like an ancient mariner, kowtowing to it’s needs. You’re forced to pull you down, peck your eyes, hang off your neck – change you. At first you rage against the bird, tearing at it’s feathers and clawing at it’s beak but it’s not going anywhere. In time you accept the bird, the weight, and it becomes a part of you. Years go by.

One day someone comes from nowhere and takes the giant bird from you and replaces it with a much smaller, quieter, gentler bird. Would you be stunned? Would you be happy? Would you be mad?

I was. All three. At the same time.

I had a smaller bird given to me today. A weight removed and light came streaming in. And I stood there and blubbered and laughed and cried, much to Sharkboy’s surprise. I couldn’t stop. I had to get it out.

Despite the crazy people on the subway, the insane jerks who think that god and guns are a way to solve problems, the myopic people in power, the interweb freaks blogging about their opinions, the crummy weather, life is incredibly precious. I am grateful for every moment, every experience I have had. I plan to laugh my tits off this week. I suggest to you do the same. Promise me that sometime this week you stop what you’re doing and notice the good things around you, with you, on you.

Promise me that you will laugh. It doesn’t have to be complex set up. In fact to find the good stuff you need to just stop, step back, and observe. Its that simple.

Okay the syrupy stuff is done. I will bring you all drunken sea monkeys from Belize.

Have an excellent week!

Those statues The Flight Centre uses to display current prices creep me out. When I see them out of the corner of my eye I always have to do a double take. I see one every day on the way to work and think it’s a guy who I know works for the FC and sometimes subs in the agency by my office, but since we “did it” a few years back, he’s decided that he doesn’t remember me. That’s right. He has sexamnesia.

Speaking of which, I sort of side with the guy who claimed he was afflicted with sexsomnia. I know someone who has it and witnessed it first hand. So to speak. ‘Nuff said.

I am signing up for Bad Dog Theatre’s improv program today. Wish me …er… break a leg. What do I hope to get out of it? ATTENTION! Attention I deserve! I want my own g-d show or a spot on SNL. So people can say “I knew him when he was funny.”

Today, however, my back is killing me. It’s been steadily getting worse to get out of bed since Monday and this morning, Sharkboy had to push me to stop me from falling back onto the matress and pooping the bed. I’m ok as soon as I’m up but its that initial inertia that is rough. He thinks it’s my kidney.

Happy Birthday Busdriver! I hope you’re around for another half century!

I went and saw Kill Bill this afternoon. It was impressive, action-packed, stylish and clever. Your basic Tarantino film. I recommend it to all who like anime, Japanese fighting movies, 70s pulp fiction, and Uma Thermin. Lucy Liu was ok, but she only had one good scene where she looses her cool. She could have had great acting but it was replaced by an anime hommage for her character set up and development. Gotta love the camera shot through the hole in the assasinated politician at the two escorts looking back and screaming. Brilliant. The only troubling thing I think about post-really-cool-movie elation is that most of the fight scenes weren’t really original. There was the decaps, the dismembs, and even the sword-over-the-head-kill-the-guy-behind-you-before-swinging-it-down-onto-your-opponent move. I wonder how many movies will be made with these Hong Kong wirefight moves? Like the slo mo/fast action pan in The Matrix, we will probably get tired of them and move on.

I just got a call. My first extra gig is on Prom Queen. The made-for-tv story of that guy who took his male date to the prom. Exploitation upon exploitation! Just give me the cash! This should be interesting.

Things I wanna say:

• Current CD in player: Eye Spy (theme music to Aeon Flux)
• Current book beside toilet: Understanding Movies
• Current Game in PS2: Vice City
• Current favorite cat: I cant decide. I love them both
• Current Gameboy Game: Advance Wars 2. I hate that fucking game. Im addicted
• Current Fave food: burgers on the BBQ (not much time left!!)
• Current time I find myself cursing myself for not going to bed sooner: 3am
• Current gauge: 8
• Current voltage: 220

What are yours?

I totally forgot what I was going to write about today. Thought Id just share.

Sexy Homeless Guy Update: On the streetcar with my roommate the other day. He caught me looking at the homeless guy and said “Yeah I’d go get him a coffee and a McDonalds Apple Pie too”. Which weirds me out because I was suppose to be the only guy who could like him.

Toronto queers will remember the little hole-in-the-wall store on Church Street, between the butchers and crap Rainbow Restaraunt that sold overpriced used clothing. Remember that?

Okay here’s what I want to put in there: a Quiky-Stop Nails Spa for Queers on the move. Put down $20 and the choice is yours:

Choose your nail technician:

• tranny
• drag queen
• lipstick lesbian
• dyke
• twink
• bear

Choose your conversation:

• Gossip
• Verbal Abuse
• Family Problems
• Politics
• Pop Culture
• Crazy Assed Drunk Rant (may or may not make sense)
• Silence

Ten minutes max and you have fabulous nails and you’re that much more informed.