Uploaded a couple new “City As Blog” pics. Hope you enjoy.

…are up for your shits and giggles in City As Blog!

…I have achieved or am proud of:

1) I can tie my shoes. I prefer zippers or Velcro. I can dress myself without feeling self conscious or worry that I am not appropriately dressed for certain situations.

2) My upbringing. It was rather liberal despite the Catholic overlords of grandparents insisting I was to be Confirmed. I know when to say “excuse me” or “thank you” or let people off the subway cars first. I don’t dawdle when I am at a bank machine and I am aware of my surroundings 90% of the time so I don’t burden others with my clumsiness. I turn my phone off in theatres.

3) My opinions. They’re mine, unless asked or provoked. Or blogged about.

4) The nuns who beat me over my knuckles to print clearly. Seriously. Schooling for kids these days is extremely easy yet at the same time, the social structure of schools themselves applies more pressures than ever before. When I was there, it was heavy on the learnin’ and you had your small circle of friends to fall back on. I am glad I was run through the school-mill when I did.

5) My fused kidney. I have been joking about it a lot lately but it seems so bloody clear to me now that the reason I never became an alcoholic as a teen was because I couldn’t hold my liquor. To this date, I am feeling sick after three beers.

6) The drugs I took as a teen and into my 20s. I am actually quite grateful for the risks of experimenting. While I utterly despise drug use these days (myself or with others), I am thankful for the different perspective these chemicals offered me.

7) Being able to speak to my parents while on drugs. I got away with it. I am a good actor.

8) Being able to tell my parents these days when I was on drugs. And not getting a lecture.

9) Playing the Cowardly Lion in my last year at high school. And adlibbing a line that got a big laugh.

10) Trying out for The Ontario College of Art. And not getting in. I was told that I was too “middle class” and needed to travel and experience more. Best advice I have ever got.

11) Having at least three pieces of art selling within an hour of putting them up on a wall.

12) Living in England. I think that everyone should live in a different country at least one year before going into school.

13) Dating someone nearly twice my age. Maybe not brining him back to meet the folks, but I am grateful for all that Nigel did for me while I was homesick.

14) Driving Nigel’s Mini (not a remake BMW Mini, but an honest to goodness Mr Bean Mini) while in London. And discovering exactly what “Inertia” really meant with my brother and my father in the car as we tried to stop behind a lorrie. Montreal driving is a cake-walk compared to navigating central London. Also driving Nigel’s friend’s Alfa Romero Spyder for three blocks before being told to “slow down, stop and get out of my car”. I guess I was driving crazy like.

15) My first experience with a round-a-bout. Nailed it, thanks.

16) Travelling to Amsterdam, Paris, Barcelona and Sitiges.

17) Fine French cuisine. And Spainish food. And Mexican. I would love to travel back there some day to eat like a pig.

18) While we’re on food: Sushi. Quail eggs raw on a bed of rice. I did two. And Eel. I’m proud of that.

19) I am proud I can make lasagna from scratch, pasta noodles included.

20) I am proud I got the opportunity to manage an historical building in Ottawa for 2 years. I maintained a 160 year old jail that had been converted into a hostel for travellers, dispensing advice and lodgings to the weary. My staff was fantastic and required very little overseeing, making my stay there one of the most proudest, patriotic jobs I have ever had.

21) Experiencing ghosts in same building. I believe in an afterlife (maybe not in a religious sort of way) and what I saw there confirmed it. We do live on and it’s governed by how we live now.

22) Understanding the concept of “Squash and Stretch”. Animation school taught me so much about perspective and how to look at things. When going to the Royal Winter Fair to sketch animals, my teacher told me that the best way to draw them was to sit and be patient. Penned animals usually will come back to the same pose you started to draw them at. I applied this to how I cruised for men and it works the same.

23) Working retail. And working catering. And doorman for a bar. Very humbling. Makes you respect your fellow man and tolerate people’s minor mistakes. And makes you tip a bit heavier than usual. And affords you an insight into how people think and behave rather than spending $$$ on a university education.

24) My stuff. Or lack there of. I am proud that I don’t feel the need to have the best things in all aspects of my life or fill up my life with things. I am proud that I have never owned a car yet thank my Da for letting me borrow his whenever I want to go camping.

25) My attitude towards life: It’s precious. While it’s impossible to live every day like it was your last, I do recommend that you make the time you have got worth while. Stress destroys. Love builds. Yadda yadda yadda.

26) I am proud to have had a near death experience.

27) I am proud that I can change a flat.

28) I am proud that I can hold a design job while being red-green colour blind.

29) I am proud that I can HTML, CSS and Javascript prune better than some designers out there who make more money than I. I’m not happy about it, but hey…

30) I can maintain orchids and other plants.

31) I can make it through an Aquafit class without much panting or wheezing.

32) Standing up before 1 million people and declaring my sexuality.

33) Standing up before 1 million people a few years after that and twirling a flag with only 5 months of rehearsal time. I only dropped once.

34) I am proud of the footprint I leave on the internet. Deadrobot was started back in ‘99 thanks to Mr X and has been an evolving lesson in communications since. I have close to 45 RSS sign-ups and I don’t know who you people are. Thanks for reading my bad enlish spelling messtakes.

35) Never having committed a crime larger than teen-age drug taking, forgetting to pay a TTC fare (NOT GUILTY, I swear!) or parking violations. Okay I speed some but I haven’t been caught yet. No accidents either.

36) Being cheated on and being lied to by “friends” and “lovers”. Like a kick in the gut, these made me push my boundaries on trust. I’m proud of how I handled it.

37) The men I truly loved: Nigel, The Kiwi, the Gymnast, The Archivist, The Bear, Mr X, Swollen Uvula. Some I still love and stay in contact. Some I don’t. These guys made me who I am today.

38) The man I love today. Without going mushy, I have to say that Sharkboy is the most comfortable and lovable guy I have ever been with. We prop each other up when down and make each other laugh. He’s a clean pressed shirt to my crumpled t-shirt. He makes me think and appreciates my opinion. I couldn’t wish for a better mate.

39) My friends. They laugh at my jokes. They put up with my moods. They’d let me sleep on their couch (hopefully).

40) My immediate and extended family. I am humbled and happy for the qualities all these people bring to my life. They’re smart, funny, pragmatic, crazy, earthy, easy-going, loving, and available at my beck and call. My family rocks.

So that’s my 40th birthday review. Hope you enjoyed!

Tonight, I walked right past Tim Allen who is filming Zoom in the hollowed out Maple Leaf Gardens.

He had a frizzy hairdo and a deep tan. His skin was terrible: I’ve seen better leather at Ikea. It was like it was for the movie Christmas With The Kranks. Actually I never saw that movie, I only saw the trailer. But you know the part I’m talking about: Tim gets a faux tan and botox for his big trip south and comically spills food out of his semi-paralized mouth.

Tonight he looked a lot like that but with about 10 minders standing around him.

His eyes looked glazed over. Arh arh arh!!

The 4yr old kid jams the business end of a thermal coffee container into his mouth and the mom lazily scolds him for it. Bored, the kid puts it back, slobber and all, and wanders off to the front of the shop. Mom glances at his departure and returns her attention to the goodies in line as we wait at Starbucks. I counted from the moment the mom watched her son wander away to the exact moment she realized her sprog was no longer bothering her by her side. Approximately 1 minute 30 seconds. You can lose a kid in shorter amounts of time.

She yells out the kids name as she’s trying to pay for her Grande bold. No response. She yells again. Nothing. “They can get away from you,” Says the barista, who’s seen this thousands of times a day. I wanted to pipe up and say “And in a store full of kids, this place is ripe for pedophiles,” but that would have been creepy and I don’t want that kind of attention.

Drama ensues. Mom is yelling and has abandoned her place at the cash, half way through her transaction, stalling up the line. I consider leaving exact change and taking my tea (they know me there and reach for a Venti Earl Grey without asking). Eventually she finds the larvae and the drama ends.

Now I may not know the subtleties of child rearing, being a gay man, but I do recognize parental burn out when I see it. This mom, affluent, well dressed, perfect hair (like most trophy moms at this particular Yonge and Lawrence Starbucks), was probably more concerned with how much extra she’d have to run off at the gym if she ate that pumpkin and cream cheese muffin.

I am so using this as an example the next time someone says “children need a mother”.

So INXS has released a single already with the new lead singer, JD Fortune (an apt name until the first album tanks), doing the vocals. And the children’s book from last night’s Martha Stewart’s Apprentice is on sale today in the bookstores. Clever marketing tie in.

Pretty soon we’ll be buying product before we know what it is.

“Great car. What kind is it?”

“I dont know. No markings. I think it’s from next fall’s TV show So You Wanna Be a Corporate Shill?“

The only interesting thing I’ve experienced this week has been an increase of cardio from 30 min per workout to 45 mins. You can tell that THE CRUISE is coming up soon (28 Days!).

While nothing exciting is going on in my life, these are a couple things I am tracking on the web:

Virtual virus wipes out many Elves. It’s like a million geek voices cried out at once! (via Cnet News)

Mashiro Fukuyama makes suits based on mythology and anime video game culture. (from we-make-money-not-art.com)

Cruising for Sex is not a chairty (worksafe, via Wired Blogs)

A List Apart somehow is able to view into the boardroom of where I work!

I knew Firefox could jump you right to IMDB when you type “IMDB The Black Hole” but I didn’t know you can create the same quick search within your bookmarks for any site that has search capabilities! Keen! (via Addicted To New)

Remember when I said Jack Osborne was L.A. hot? Now he’s Martin Scorsese Taxi Driver Hot (via Hollywood Rag)

Okay that’s enough regurgitation. Maybe something interesting will happen to me this evening…

Easy! Wear a wig that makes you 7ft tall, a half-faced cat mask including pointy kitty ears, a furry jumpsuit, furry gloves and army boots. Plus carry a Mickey Mouse bag for accent.

Its amazing how people will avoid looking at you when you aren’t dressed the norm. One out of ten would avert their gaze in seconds of acknowledging that you’re wearing something… different. The usual pattern of “I’m not looking, really!” went like this:

1. Look to the face
2. Look at the clothes
3. Look back to the face
4. Look at own shoes, sky, shop window, shoes again, stare straight ahead.

All of this takes exactly 2 seconds. At Yonge and Bloor a poor woman raced the doors and wound up sitting right next to me. She collected herself, went through the above mentioned list of where to look and then gave up and moved. Poor dear. Booo! Boooo! I’m the ghost of your long dead youth, you overly mature office worker drone.

Poor Sharkboy is the only one dressed up in his office. He’s dressed up as a hobo-dog, bless him.

Expect pictures later after this evening. Church St is closing off traffic and its always a good time.

The cab driver drops us at the terminal and we’re greeted by Ramon who cheerfully tags our luggage and accepts a $5 tip (from here on in, folks, everything is in US Dollars, k?). We pass through security and giddily check in. To get on the ship we must pass through one of the thousand or so “photo ops” that will take place through out our vacation (available for $10 at the Photo Shop, onboard!). Later, we find this instance and I look like I am shitting a brick because I can see the ship just in front of me and I WANT TO GET ON IT NOW! Plus, I am wearing The Shirt. The Shirt is the shirt I am wearing in every single piece of ID I own. A green and blue plaid short sleeved number that can be seen on my passport, drivers ID, Health card, and IATA card. Weird cowinkydink.

We enter The Radiance of the Seas.

I hold back tears of joy. For a ship, it is the nicest hotel I have ever stayed in, but the room was so small I had to go outside just so I could turn around. We played with every single knob, button, lightswitch, safe combination, balcony door handle and tv remote in the room.

The room fills with an announcement that we have to put on our life jackets and head down to level 6. See, we had to complete a drill by law before we could set sail. I looked fat.

The announcements continue and we hear the ship’s Cruise Director for the first time tell us about the thousands of things happening that evening. A pleasant chap who ended every announcement with a fast, conspiratory “bing bong!” Like he wasn’t suppose to do that, but did it anyway as a joke. Funny.

Back in the cabin, we dump the life jackets and start to explore. Top to bottom. At one point we found the near-24hr all you can eat buffet called The Windjammer Cafe. My heart nearly lept out of my chest as we passed by all the salads and burgers and pizzas and cold cuts. I wiped away a tear of joy as we passed by the soft ice cream machine. “No money?” I ask Sharkboy, the lump in my throat making my voice squeak.

“No money needed,” he says. I immediately start a plan to remove the small couch in our cabin and replace it with the ice cream machine…

We wander to the bow of the ship to watch The Radiance leave Miami. Beautiful sun, laughing crowds and a million Englishmen with camcorders surrounded us. The ship did a sharp 180 turn in the bay (thanks to it’s two rotating propeller pods) and as soon as we were pointing east, we were treated with 25MPH winds in our face. And then the clouds came. We saw the sun for the last time for close to 24 hours. A light rain fell. And then it rained harder. The wind picked up. Sharkboy and I ran from the deck, right behind the first “other two gay guys” on the ship. Die hard romantics to the end.

We got dried off and got ready for dinner. Table for 12. We sat with some really nice people. Two couples from California (moderately liberal, gregarious, covered in jewelery, and happy to be there), a couple from England (on their second week of travelling on the Radience), and a couple from Nadick, outside of Boston. The last two seats were never filled. Who knows where they were.

We ate like kings. We ate like GODS. We ate the souls of innocent societies with gravy. We ate enough for a small army. Okay… *I* ate enough for a small army. The dining room was lifted right from the Posideon Adventure, except that there was no Xmas tree or a big glass lightpanel to fall through if (when?) the ship were to turn over.

We wandered the ship to work off dinner. When they say “floating hotel” they aren’t exaggerating. The elevators chimed happily (“Deck 7!” the elevator would say with a wide smile behind the tone and I would finish it of with “…the happiest deck on the ship!” It was very Heart of Gold). The wind was terrific and the ship rocked more than Sharkboy could remember from his last trip. It was a bit disconcerting that a ship that large could scoot around that much but the staff were laughing and having a good time so I felt at ease. I didnt feel sick but I did get a bit of a head ache from trying to stay “upright” on such hard chop.

We went to the Aurora Theatre and watched the first night’s show. Somewhere between Canada’s Wonderland and Vegas, this little theatrical gem was born, a show called “Piano Man” that paid hommage to Billy Joel, Manilow, Elton and for some bizzare reason, Wizard of Oz. Eh. What can you do? Big kudos to the dancers for being able to flip and twirl while the ship rocked so much. Bed was before midnight.

The Gallery Grows!

The Reverend Mother doesn’t actually call Maria a C-face.

But lordy we rewound that about 20 times.

And if you imagine the youngest, Greta, as a nice glazed ham, the film becomes watchable.