The McDonalds near my office got new garbage cans!

I was sitting near one at lunch today and I could hear a tinny sampled “Thank you!” every so often. It would happen every time someone walked by the garbage can and I concluded that it had some sort of motion sensor in it, offering thanks everytime someone walked by.

It came time to dispose of my trash and I walked up to the can. It had a twonie sized red dot just above the garbage flap. As I got closer, I got the “Thank you!” loud and clear.

And then the flap opened all by itself.

It creeped me out. Voop! Open went the “mouth” and in went my trash. I didnt have to touch the usually Secret Sauce covered flap. As I walked away, the maw closed slowly and I wondered if it was possible to put a “burp” file in there after it closed.

I walk into my lunchtime comic book shop and the guy behind the counter is friendly. The kind of friendly that makes me think he might be confusing me with someone else. “Where were you yesterday?”

“…Uh…”

“It was shipment day!” he says pointing to the rack at the back.

“Eeeee!” I shout with my fists balled up beside my cheeks. I run to the rack.

Currently I’m tracking the following comics:

Rocketo: By Frank Spinosa, the story of a young navigator from an alternative Earth. The story is so lost in translation that it’s really hard to follow but the ink work and character structure is amazing. Gotta love a two timing, think-with-his-fists, best friend in the form of a dog.

Aeon Flux (movie tie in): Timothy Green II’s artwork harkens to Mike Kaluta and his Starstruck series.

Supreme Power: Nighthawk: drawn by Steve Dillon who brought The Preacher to life. Sort of reminds me of Dave Gibbons but creepier.

The Fantasic Four/Iron Man: Big in Japan: I’m enjoying this one immensely. Especially the mix of Manga, anime and good old USofA heroism.

Whatchoo reading? Books? Manuals? Chicken feed bags?

Not even a month into winter and I nearly wept like a baby when I found this on my hard drive.

Twirl and Dance.

I have to qualify my last entry. I got some emails asking if I was ok. Yes, thank you I am fine. I guess when I said “lowest point of my day” I meant “a negative moment” or “my least optimistic moment”. I do have to admit that I will miss working at the bar: I caught myself yesterday caring about things happening there in November. Its going to be tough, I think. I invested a lot of time and energy into that bar and I would hate to see it backpeddle or slip in sales/popularity. Then again, Im glad to be done of the personality shit. I mean really…rent a slide projector for only three slides repeated over and over again for one 4 hour period? Come on…Bye Bye Drama!

Does anyone think that Cosmo and Wanda from Fairly Odd Parents are gay? Wanda sounds pretty bulldyke.

You may commence calling me a hypocrite at any time. Today I signed up to be an extra for Queer as Folk. Oh hush you people, I dont want to hear your bitching or comments. I walked into the extra’s office today and met with Sherri, who was one of those people on automatic. Her schpiel was honed to a fine ramble, but was easy enough to interrupt for questions. Ive worked around movie industry types so she came as no suprise…always on, looked good, and nothing could knock her off the track she was barrelling down on, verbally. Halfway through her diatribe, a scraggly post-heroin kid comes in with a thick thick European accent complaining of not having any money for a phone card for his cell, hence missing his last gig. She shoos him out of the office deftly and in the same breath says: “He’s great”. In fact I think she said “He’s great” about all her flock of extras, so Im glad she’s saying nice things about me behind my back. When I told her that 1) I did special effects make up for a while and that I knew set policies and 2) I was a web/graphic designer, she scribbled furiously on my application. “Good! I can so use you! Do you want to work on anyting other than QAF?” I said please while my head said PLEASE!!!! So keep looking in for on set gossip.

I, Robot Update: I heard the other day that I, Robot only uses one or two storylines from the original book and that its mostly a “pre-U.S. Robotics, pre-Susan Calvin” story in hopes to garner a series of movies, a la Lord Of the Rings. Im still not happy. Ive also found out these people have also bought up Asimov’s Foundation series. Which makes me believe that the Estate of Isaac Asimov must have had a shitty garage sale one day.

10:02 PM Update: Dear producers of The Joe Schmoe Show: You bastards!!

I was on the subway the other day and I caught a glimpse of myself in the window and I thought “Holy Christ, I dress like a 12 yr old boy!” I was wearing a pair of CAT hightops, white socks peeking out up over top, a pair of black Tough Duck work pants, and a white t-shirt with a sketch of a robot in black and white. I thought about this for a moment and wondered what I would look like if I was watched by a hidden camera like on “What Not To Wear” and have it played back for me. Then I began to wonder just what kind of collective damage a show like that does. Making all of us—humanity, exceedingly self concious about what we as a people look like. I took that thought to the extreme of people dressing exactly alike and not doing anything out of the status quo. Then I thought…I dont really care what people think of the way I dress…I generally think today’s fashions look like some poor Nike-slave sewed up some jeans, sat in bleach and rolled around in mud for the benefit of Missy and Madonna. If you want worn jeans, why not go to Goodwill? Am I getting old and bitter? Anyway. Im not about to go out and buy new clothes. I like my robot t-shirts.

My cat nearly escaped my back yard gulag, or Pussylag 17 as Mike calls it. She discovered how to climb a bush. Of course the fat sister, Lady Penelope could only meow in encouragement: “Meow! Go! Go get help!!” God I love my girls.

…I pick it up to this question:

“Ted, when someone requests our URL (he pronounces it YOO. AHR. ELL.) that means I just give them our website. Right?”

“Yes.”

I hang up slowly. Lordy I need a new job.

The odd thing is that not too many people know what URL stands for.

Mr Daryl Vocat, a regular reader of my iPod rants sends me this email of self-abuse and self-promotion. Seems like he’s one busy artfag! Go see!

Here’s a bit of a reminder of some upcoming art shows. I’m sure many of
you are involved in some way, so come on and hang out!

==========

Queer in the Headlights, Curated by Karen Chapelle
Runs June 7-July 7, Part of the Toronto Pride Art Walk
Reception: Friday, June 17, 7PM
9:30PM Trash & Ready, Hunter Valentine and Will Munro DJ

NOW Lounge
189 Church St.
416-364-1301

Monday-Friday- 9am-6pm
June 18/19 and June25/26 – 1-6pm
Call or visit www.nowlounge.com for more details.
Opening June 17th- 7-9pm followed by entertainment 9pm till close.

This show spotlights some of Toronto’s hottest new and established artists, providing a snapshot of the range of difference that makes Toronto’s queer community so rich and unique. Working in various mediums – from needlepoint to erotic photographs – the exhibit puts an edgy spin on queer aesthetics.

Artists include: Daryl Vocat, Lynne Fernie, Wendy Coburn, David Hawe, Andy Fabo, Andrew Harwood, Dianne Davis, Tracey Day, Fernanda Faria, Melissa Levin, Cecilia Berkovic, Ian Fraser, James Blake, GB Jones, David Findlay, Carol Camper, Will Munro

==========

Making History

125 King St. East, (King and Church)
June 16-June 30

Reception: Thurs, June 16 7-10PM

Artists include: Barbara Balfour, Luis Jacob, Andrew Harwood, Alec Butler, Will Munro, Scott Treleaven, Paige Gratland, Joel Gibb, Dana Baitz, Melissa Levin, Nancy Nicol, John Greyson, RM Vaughan, Roy Mitchell and Eugenio Salas, Johannes Zits, Ed Pien, Daryl Vocat, Allyson Mitchell,
Lise Beaudry, Andy Fabo, and Deanna Bowen

==========

Imaging A Lovers Discourse

-UPPITY QUEERS READING SERIES
Thursday June 16th 8-10pm
Suggested Donation $5

The following authors will be reading:
Sky Gilbert, Zoe Whittall, RM Vaughan, Drew Rowsome, Mariko Tamaki, Troy Yorke, Alex Rowlson

-SILENT AUCTION
Thursday, June 23 9-12pm

Artists have been asked to create works based on the book A Lover’s Discourse by Roland Barthes. All works will be sold through a silent auction with all proceeds going to Glad Day. The donated work will be on exhibition from June 9th to June 23rd. The auction will be a cash and
carry event on the 23rd. During the auction live music will be provided by DJ TK and Barbrafisch

Some of the participating artists include: Florencia Berinstein, Rob Davidovitz, Patrick de Coste, Paige Gratland, David Grenier, Lauren Hall, Luis Jacob, Stephanie Rogerson, Sholem, Lex Vaughn, Daryl Vocat, and Andrea Winkler

Toronto Free Gallery
660 Queen Street East
Toronto, On M4E 2J8
Tel. 416-913-0461
Fax 416-915-7055
www.torontofreegallery.org

==========

And don’t forget, the following show is still up! If you haven’t seen it yet, the trek is worth it. There is a tonne of stuff to do at Harbourfront and the work in the show is great.

Modern Day Myths
Opening Reception: Thursday, May 19. 7-9 PM
May 20 – July 1

A group exhibition by members of Open Studio –Open Studio artist members exhibit prints exploring myths that speak both to primitive tradition and the modern day. Toronto participating artists: Tara Cooper, Elizabeth Forrest, Doug Guildford, Libby Hague,Lisa Levitt, Liliana Rodriguez, Lotti Thomas, and Daryl Vocat. Presented in collaboration with Open
Studio.

York Quay Centre, Harbourfront Centre
235 Queens Quay West
Toronto, ON.

Sharkboy and I are going on a cruise and I’m scoping out hotels at work and decide to go to one of those “discount” hotel sites and plug in my info:

One night, two occupants, mid-November.

I get this result:

A two and a half star hotel near the airport for one night is around $1500?! I guess I better sell that kidney. Oh wait, I can’t. It’s fused together.

They may be memory hogs and they might be useless but they’re frikkin’ cute! Konfabulator is now offering free Widgets now that Yahoo has swallowed them up. Here’s a cartoon to help you understand where they came from and what they do. Currently I have the temperature for Toronto, the Simpson’s Random Quote, Werewolf monitor (no, not when Warren Zevon will be popular again… just phases of the moon and the goldfish swimming across my desktop. Of course, if you’re on Mac OSX.4 then you already have them. Point and laugh at the slow Windows drones.

Speaking of Simpsons, Sharkboy tells me that every episode of The Simpsons has a flame somewhere in it. I have the first season and can’t recall if it’s true for those shows. I have my doubts but so far all the shows we’ve watched, there has been a flame of sorts either by explosion or someone lighting up a smoooooth Laramie cigarette. Snopes can’t confirm it. Anyone know where I can prove this?

I would also like to direct your attention to that little button that appeared within the last 24 hours on your Google Customized Start Up Page. Right up there in the left: “Add Content”. That’s right! Click on it and the toolbar DHTMLs out. You can then add all your RSS feeds from your favorite sites and when you’re done, drag them around the page to create your own layout. What? You don’t have a Personalized Start Up Page? Ask nicely and I will send you a Gmail account.

I tell you people, the web is becoming fun again.

While racing to a meeting with a freelance client, the streetcar I was on stopped to let someone off. A car screeches in front of the front doors and the driver jumps out. He yells at the driver: “I want to talk to the fuck that threw his drink at my car!”

The driver lets this guy and his girlfriend on and they stand at the front, straining to see over the few of us that are standing in the semi-busy car. I look back past the crowd to see who’s got the scaredy face. He starts to yell into the streetcar: “Who did it!?”

The guy advances towards the back, ignoring me since I am nowhere near a window. “Who did it? Who threw their fuckin’ drink out the window onto my car?” He’s a pissed pasty guy in a tank top, his face a vision of red fury. He’s going to pop if anyone says anything.

After a few repeats of “Who did it?!” no one comes forward. “So that’s how it is? You fucks!” and angry driver turns and leaves the streetcar dragging his girlfriend with him.

At this point I wonder: Has the driver used proper conflict diffusement in this situation? Does the driver have conflict diffusement training? Do TTC drivers get this kind of training? He’s allowed a visibly upset (murderous!) guy onto his car to kick the crap out of someone. His only comment being “Find him and I will kick him off so you can talk to him.”

Maybe regular reader “The Busdriver” can comment on this?

With all the shootings within the last few weeks here in Toronto I admit that I have been wary about large crowds. But in this situation I didn’t recognize that I was standing in the middle of an incident that could have been hazardous. Sadly I feel that I have to be concious of things like this these days.