(from Laughing Squid, via BoingBoing)

Back when I was hanging out on Zug my first online message board/hang out/drop in centre, members use to trick newbies into clicking on the the web’s most curious picture ever seen (Wiki article – Work safe and you can find the Not Work Safe image somewhere in those links. Good luck). The site is gone now but the picture lives on. Apparently the image’s subject is gone too. No wonder.

Gabbers use to make me laugh every time they posted it because the reaction from seeing this photo was like a punch in the gut. Or bum. Now, Laszlo Toth has been showing the image to his friends and taking their picture at the moment they see it. He encourages you to do the same and shoot them up to a FirstGoatse Flickr stream.

My current fave pic is Ron Jeremey probably thanking his stars he has a good agent.

So today I feel liberated. Scared. Happy…actually happier than I have felt in a long time.

I quit my job today.

Too right, mates. I got a sharp boot to the backside and decided that it was enough dicking around and leave the bar. Long story short: I mistakedly put up a naughty pic onto the bar’s website that the owner didnt like. I got the call Sunday morn to take it down. Which got me to thinking that I wasnt really doing what I want to do, which is graphic design (web and print) and that I am wasting time sitting around cowtowing to promoters and committees that come to the bar with their hands out and faces blank, expectant for you to give them something just because theyre “part of the community”. Coupled with the constant gnawing at the heels of my brain that I was going nowhere and needed to do something with my life other than foreskin contests, I decided to make the jump. My old job will become a contract position where I will only do the website once or twice a month with the odd poster/pamphlet thrown in. I have other leads as well so Im not sitting idly by and wondering when the next bingo cheque will be.

I could be all bitter and mad and tell you the whole gorey details of how this revelation came about…Maybe some day after all this blows over. Im not sure how the owner is going to take my leaving…he may cut me out entirely as some employers are wont to do, or he might still want me around. My leaving is not even 6 hours old.

As I said, Im liberated. And scared. Anyone need a freelance graphic designer?

This Just In…
I wanted to comment on the whole Siegfried and Roy tiger attack thing. Ok, I think these two have been lucky so far that their tigers havent turned on them sooner. I am glad to hear that Roy has mumbled “Dont kill the cat,” through the bandages. But what makes me laugh is this (from the first news item):

Witnesses said Horn defended himself by hitting the tiger with his microphone. The microphone created a crashing sound in the theater when it hit the face of the male tiger

Okay. Here’s the soundtrack to that mental image:

“Down!”

“Raaaar!!”

chomp.

“Aaaa!”

bong!bong!bong!bong!!!

Is it wrong to laugh at this?

So the power thing…yeah… Lots of inconvenienced people. Not me. It was business as usual. It was cool to see the dead street cars placed every two blocks, sort of reminded me of that Canadian move “Last Night”.

So about this homeless guy I have the hots for:

I ride the streetcar pretty much every day and I pass by a temp hard labour agency on Queen and Sherbourne. He’s there as early as 8am to 10am-ish. He’s just over 6ft, with a sandy blond goatee. He always wears jeans (which fit well), has a napsack and a baseball cap. Some days he sits, some he’s standing leaning against a storefront doorway, his crotch nicely buntched up. He’s rough. But a good rough. I find this whole thing weird…I wonder what it would be like to find out someone likes me from afar. Id probably be all shy and withdrawn and shit. One day I got enough balls to cycle by him and he didnt even notice…no suprise there. Ive made up an entire imaginary home life for him and tacked on this bizzare bi male fantasy where he experiments with me. What can I say? The streetcar is boring.

“You know, a cat can go through a hole half its size,” she says to her mother.

I wonder about that a moment. I want to butt into their conversation with:

“Which half? Lengthwise? Just at the ribs?”

Me: Did you remember your shoes?

Sharkboy: Yup.

Me: Your towel?

Sharkboy: Yup.

Me: Did you remember your lock?

Sharkboy: Yup!

Me: How about your monkey?

Sharkboy: Oh geeze. Forgot that. But I do have a gorilla.

Me: (sputtering) Are you implying… Are you saying I’m… (pause) Well that makes you Jane Goodall! You have mousey blonde hair! You have mousey blonde hair! You have mousey blonde hair!

Sharkboy: Jane Goodall does chimps. Not gorillas.

Me: (unable to remember Dian Fossey’s name) Uh. Okay. You’re Sigourney Weaver at the tail end of her respectful career! You’re Sigourney Weaver at the tail end of her respectful career! You’re Sigourney Weaver at the tail end of her respectful career!

My 40th is coming up. I will gladly wear this out to dinner.

Of course, the Japanese are waaay ahead of their bulky American counterparts. Have a look at The Land Walker: the world’s first 340cm bipedal exoskeleton. And the efficient bio-suit soon to be dragging helpess humans around by their spines by 2006.

CRUSH!! KILL!! DESTROY!!

Ugly I know. Sorry. Cuts back on the Referral spam.

I’ll be sticking my head back in here every so often so you kids better not have a party while I’m gone.

Later, Squidwards!

Simple. Don’t let the blob guy get your cursor. (via Ghost of a Flea)

I’m suprisingly without much to say today so I will post a bean recipe I’m making up off the top of my head:

• Fist full of fresh green beans, ends off
• handfull of almonds (chopped or crushed)
• a gob of butter (cover the bottom of your frying pan at least)
• half a lemon

Sautee the beans in the butter for about 10 minutes, medium heat. Add the almonds. Keep going for about 5 minutes. Near the end, squeeze the lemon into the pan.

Remove. Kosher salt to taste. Cracked pepper too if you’re so inclined.

This Saturday I am hanging a few pictures at the Timothy’s Coffee Clutch (or “The Bear Store” if you’re so inclined) at Church and Alexander. A collection of pop art canvases of characters involved with risk management while infringing on copywright laws. Here’s a sneak peek for you. As a tangent thought: remember how the major networks use to generate so much hype about the Fall Saturday Morning Cartoon Season? Brightly coloured full page ads in Archie + Jughead comics. They use to get me so whipped out of shape in anticipation to see these crap cartoons (Hey… I’ve seen this before. Speed Buggy is really Scooby Doo. They’re just hashing out the same characters!!) while munching on my sister’s perfect PB+J sammiches. I have no clue where that random synapse fire came from.

The next pic is a preview illustration for The Black Eagle’s Halloween poster. You get the drift: barrel of toxic zombie monkeys. I did this in seconds, had no scanner so I took a picture of it with my digicam, ran it through photoshop, streamline and then illustrator. Then I saw where my line mistakes were and need to redraw some of it and do the whole process again. But I like the energy of it. Zombie Monkeys!!