An amazing translation for a fuzzy household item:

Front:

SUPER – Family are essential
New product of 21th century

TEN THOUSAND USE
THE DISH CLOTH
• The softness absorbs
• water wring dry
• easily do not drop the floss

Back:

Characteristics: jie card dish cloth, the adoption imports the high class absorbs water the natural plant in sex fiber,combining to was processed by international advanced techique to make into,is material that excellent product to match the enviromental protection,it is soft,absorbing water the dint strong,wring dry easily,after using only through use the cleaning of water can immediately wash away cloth top dirty mark dust,convenience fleetness.
Use: be applicable to put on the clean living room,kitchen and bath indoor and every kind of surface,include furniture,container,electris appliances,piano,car, dining table,ceramic tile,window slot,bathtub and superficial and dirty xO, dust in,etc.in faucets and waters order.fuck to put on the wet putting on all can.

Fuck to put on the wet, indeed!

Have you ever got yourself into something you’re not entirely cool with but yet you muster through anyway? The wind today at ROTC practice was brutal (Sharkboy claims that a tornado tried to take someone’s dog out back of my apartment building while I was in the shower). I couldn’t keep step, I dropped my flag a couple times and I think out of the 20-30 times we ran through the performance I got it right twice. I’m glad I’m only doing 4 parades instead of all of them. I don’t have the same feeling I did for this season as I did last year. I just feel uncomfortable, I guess. Show must go on, says Freddie.

I dont know how I am going to get through this week without peeing my pants. We’re 6 sleeps away from Miami and the cruise (that sounds like a Gloria Estafan concept album…) and I am already excited like a Japanese school girl at a cell phone convention. I tried on my old suit tonight for the formal dinners and hoooo boy it was tight. Despite my gym appearances. Okay so the last three weeks I haven’t been going – too excited! And now I’m paying for it. I’ve started a list of things I MUST take with me like The Davinci Code and my camera. Yeah I know. 2 years behind a bad trend. That’s me!

I’ve been trying to push through as much freelance work as possible and 99% of all my clients have happily been co-operative except for one client. Mine is the typical freelance sob story of a designer doing work for a committee-based client and firing off an invoice the day the work is done. Designer proceeds to sit by his mailbox 2 weeks… three weeks… 7 weeks… After a few emails and promises of payment, it looks like the designer won’t be para-sailing at Labadee. ‘Nuff said about that.

If you get a hankering for a funny, indie gay movie, rent Girls Will Be Girls. Its a movie of rapid fire drag queen rimshots while stealing…er…borrowing from All About Eve, Mildred Pierce, Psycho, Armageddon and a Jerry Lewis Telethon all rolled into one. One memorable line:

Varla: My mother always said, “Feelings are like treasures, so bury them.”

Honey? What have you been doing outside all day?

Thanks Mr X! He tells me that the music isn’t really blaring out of the home, it’s broadcast on a low powered FM band. I bet the whole thing would make the neighbours get out their shotguns and go skeet shooting.

If you’ve spent more than 20 min in a car with me then you know that it’s physically impossible for me just to “sit there” and not do anything. Our last rental car was equipped with OnStar and I SO DESPERATELY wanted to press that little blue button.

OnStar: This is OnStar, how can I be of service?
Me: Hi OnStar! Do you like what I’m wearing?

OnStar: OnStar, how may I help you?
Me: I think I’m being followed. Oh no, sorry it was a bird.

OnStar: Hello OnStar. How may I help you?
Me: (throaty, breathy) What are you wearing?

Or my favorite: Get OnStar to flash your lights (their parking lot locater service) and dance in front of the car like some bad 80s video.

“Did you find your car, Mr Robot?”
“Damn it! Keep flashing! …Dancing at the feet of the moon!!”

I truly hate panhandlers. I do. I got yelled at by one today because I wouldnt look at him or talk to him or anything. Fucking dick. He yelled at me that he had a $10/hr job and that he was trying to make ends meet. “you and me both,” I thought. What annoyed me more was that he did it with a drag queen’s attitude. Dick.

Im looking at a guys forearm today on the streetcar and Im thinking I wish I had forearms like Popeye. He was sexy…then I thought about Baloo in The Jungle Book and how that was my first eroctic stirrings when I saw that movie at the Capital theatre in Brockville…the bit where he rubs up against the tree with his back.

After the second heavy *sigh* out of Sharkboy due to R2 *popping* out of his ship cradle (why not just have an escape gate for these astromech droids?) I realized I wasnt having much fun either. I could barely keep up with the fight sequences and when the dialogue bogged down I started wondering about how much detail they gave the little digital flying cars you can see out the windows. I could go on and on about the little things that pissed me off or I loved about it, they were equal in amount. However, just like the parliamentary vote, it was down to one last image that made me think “Ugh. This is crap!” It was Darthy’s “NOOOOO!” at the end. Hardly the reaction of an emotionless pittbull hell bent on torturing the galaxy in the name of the Emperor.

I am eager to see Lucas’ next movie to see if he’s really lost it as a director. He’s lost all sense of restraint, that’s fer sher.

Okay the acting was wooden, the direction wild and the script had me saying “Foo!” but remember that the SW series were borne from serial movies of the 30s. So at least they got that right.

And in the sprit of fun, I present (via Bacon and Eh’s Blog) The Parade of Unfortunate Star Wars Costumes. The caption for the Death Star one had me howling.

I beat my puffed out chest and show you my stats from last month! Unga!

Total Hits 	1086582
Total Files 	178201
Total Pages 	96134
Total Visits 	18319
Total KBytes 	3341512

Ignore the “Hits” because there are still residual numbers from the Bagle_av virus associated with my site. Not bad, I think, for a blog that has no real direction or comment on political views.

I think you like me. Really like me.
I PAT ME ON THE BACK, MOFOS!

So what do you want to talk about now?

I am amazed at this app. Go get it. Warning! I was a bit nauseated when I jumped from one location to the next.

Evil Panda! You can find the campground with it! Plug in Turkey Point!

In just seven days, Sharkboy and I take off for a week long celebration of camping with extra special guest stars Grizzly and Evil Panda. Also starring is The Busdriver and The Mailman.

The first weekend, the theme is “Boxers”! Sharkboy and I are prepared to be the Paris ‘n Nicole of the evening with outstanding underwear acquired from intensive shopping excursions into the heart of Toronto. Home made jewelry cheapens adorns our outfits as well!

During the week we will be taking day trips to lovely and historical Tillsonburg to show the boys various Tobbacco Museums, greasy spoons and German berry picking outlets. I can hear their excitement rise from here!!

The weekend after is The Point’s popular and sold out “Bear” weekend. The pool filters will be filled to the max, hairily, as hirsute and burly men float, cavort and chortle their weekend away. Here’s hoping we can convince Griz and EP to stay an extra few days so they can actually see the pool go from pristine blue to emrald green. And see Mr X go mental with rage since he has to clean it!

Here is a partial list of things I am brining:

• My telescope. Gotta see a moon.
• Barbie. An extra special Burning Barbie episode. Think “Lucy Lui” in Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle. With American guest stars too!
• An extra bed pad. I love the sound of bullfrogs at 3am but if I don’t get at least 7 hours of sleep I will purchase some firecrackers and shove them in their grenouille asses. Feh! It’s not these little critter’s fault for calling out at all hours for a mate. I can’t sleep because of the bouncy air mattress we have.
• Booze. That’s right. The liver problems I was having a while back are gone and it’s Daquiris by the pool, sommabitches!

For those of you who will not be attending, expect images of the highest calibeer… uh …ber.

While I am away, DR will be “down” (readable, but hobbled). To reduce the constant referal attacks, I will be stripping it of comment/last referal entries. Sorry kids.

I got my copy of Steamboy last weekend and got a pleasant surprise:

Someone in Japan knows about Coronation Street!