Thursday Awesomeness – Disney Style!

Distractions, Travel

Finally, in our comments: Tell me your worst Disney movie. I’ve Twittered this and will combine all the responses into a post soon.

The Early Gays

Distractions, Personal Bits

These last few Sundays, Sharkboy and I have been getting up at 6am, log our body stats (after a cleansing, lightening poo) with the Wii Fit and then hoof it over to the gym for Aquafit. Yes, we’re the only two gays at the Y at that time, most being still in bed after a night of smart cocktails and masculine fursuits at various bars and such. It’s another world, people. The class is nearly full and sign up is a must (last week I put down “Carlos” and “Rolando” as our names and got called out for it). Granted it’s not Woodys on a Friday night, the average age before we arrive is around 65, but we did manage to chat up a couple nice people, including a 50 year old woman with a sleeve tattoo. At 50 yrs old, I hope my back looks as good as her arm! The bitter queen in me has to mention here that a couple participants look like they’ve walked off the set of District 9 (I know. I’m not Olympic material myself, but I love making Sharkboy laugh with that analogy).

A few weeks back we got up early on a Saturday, made it to St Lawrence Market for some Canadian bacon sarnies at 7am and hopped on our bikes to the island. By 10:30am we were done and waited at the Hanlan’s Point ferry dock to go back home. When the skip arrived, wave upon wave of homosexuals disembarked, each giving us the “Where the hell are YOU two going? The party is on the nude beach!” eye. It was slightly embarrassing but yet felt good to be apart from that crowd. Not that I’m putting down a nice gay day at the beach, but I felt kind of justified for all my gay bar work in the late 90s: I could now look upon that constant party mentality and think it “quaint”.

I admit that we’re early risers. I’ve been getting up at 530am for the last couple months to accommodate my gym time before work, which means we’re in bed well before 10pm. If we’re out on the town, we’re yawning at 11pm and making sheepish excuses to go home. Yes it cuts into our social life sometimes but we can’t seem to help it. We’re both the kind of person who feels like the day is half done at 10am.

I guess we’re ripe to join a sports group or some early morning knitting club or something. I’d be all for a gay men’s Farmers Market Shopping Club. Imagine the looks we’d get just from our cloth bags!

New Garbage, Same As The Old Garbage

The Bad, Toronto, You Stupid Dick

Dear Astral Media Outdoor:

Your garbage service, after less than a month, leaves so much to be desired. The “Oooh! Shiny” new factor wore off as soon as we saw where you were placing the new trash cans in relation to where people actually stand or walk. The one pictured below at Sherbourne and Carlton is close to 20ft away from the bus shelter. We all know the less enthusiastic will not bother shuffling over that far to toss a gum wrapper. Who did your product research? A pack of blind monkeys with hooks for hands?

Look, when the OMG people came to town at least they understood the amount of crap Torontonians love to throw away on a moments notice and made huge cans (bigger ad space!). Yours barely hold a Tims cup, diaper and a bus transfer. Oh and they emptied them on a regular basis, or at least recognized that your cans will need to be serviced more often. I realize this complaint may be better directed to the City itself, but surely someone, somewhere must have realized these cans are residential capacity, not public or industrial.

Same Old Crap

Same Old Crap

So in closing, Astral Media Outdoor, clean up your act. It’s worn thin pretty fast.

A Torontonian.

Signs, Signs, Everywhere A Sign

Art, Toronto

Down in old Cowtown (near St Lawrence Market – or is that Hogtown? Can I say Hogtown in this time of H1N1?), spread out over several blocks is (most likely) a George Brown student’s street art project of somewhat portly people waving empty protest signs. Ripe for ridicule!

Click to enbiggen:

OMG!

OMG!

Hamasexual

Hamasexual

ASL?

ASL?

Double Post Noob

Double Post Noob

Why Do You Poke Me

Why Do You Poke Me

Flu Crazy

Distractions, Personal Bits

I’m just one stomach flu away from my goal weight.

– Emily, The Devil Wears Prada

With the world going sick with Swine Flu, I managed to catch a nasty stomach bug on the weekend that laid me up for 24hrs.

When I say “catch” I mean eat 2 week old left overs in the fridge. I reap what I sew.

It’s funny, I’ve had food poisoning a few times in my life, twice so bad I wound up in the hospital. I always feel sorrow when I see a shark gutted open and a license plate falls out from their gut – not because of the humility of your stomach contents being paraded openly on PBS, but because my eating habits mirrored that poor shark’s. CHOMP!

Tuesday was a fog. I couldn’t think straight. I see today that I completed a few web corrections yesterday and haven’t had a screamy email saying I fucked up. My head was pounding and though I’ve never had a migraine, I could feel every pulse throb behind my ears.

“Is it the Swine Flu?” SharkBoy asked, hoping for workplace bragging rights.

All I could manage last night was a 1/2 cup of pasta (“Now I know you are sick!” says SharkBoy) and 4 large glasses of water. The evening was spent brainlessly watching The Karate Kid.

At night, in bed, I had chills and finally peace. I dreamed I was eating a huge fried egg sandwich with a stranger who hated everything.

The Secret (For CB)

Personal Bits

Lean in close, cb. Here is the secret to my 20lbs in two months! Ready?

  • Eat vegetables.
  • Go to the gym 4 times a week and while you are there, do at least an hour of cardio.
  • Go out and get yourself a book about nutrition. Not a fad diet book, but a serious book about how to eat right
  • Have your doctor tell you you’re going to lose a foot to Diabetes if you don’t change your lazy fuck ways. Have him threaten one last chance to change or be medicated for the rest of your life.
  • Watch as the guy who runs the laundromat near your house suddenly re-appears after a few weeks disappearance, with a leg missing.
  • Go swimsuit shopping in the most snooty gay store in the village. Try on something “outside your box”. Give yourself a full 60 seconds in the mirror while the precious shop queen troll is yelling “Is everything alright in there?!” on the other side of the curtain, for the entire shop to hear.
  • Look at the photos of the blogs of the guys you’ll be meeting at Gay Days at Disney
  • Watch in horror as someone cruises your husband as you walk together down the street, like an Italian construction worker walking the Red Light District in Amsterdam, and gives you the briefest of acknowledgment. Hello! Wedding bands!

In all seriousness, you have to motivate yourself. Tough love works on me sometimes. However, I’ve seen pics of you and I think you’re not overweight. I hear the internet removes 10lbs though.