Those Who Fartget The Past…

General

I totally forgot about my Creeds Building Story until someone searched on it.

I’ve been thinking about the future of this blog now that I’m coming up on five years.

Yeah. Five years. I officially started Deadrobot.com back in April 2004. Prior to that I posted a whole year on MyTorontoApartment.com, a site I stole back from a dead beat freelance client and because of the quality of writing, I don’t really count that year.

Not that I count it now.

I should make T-shirts.

Best of Clist – Helpful!

General

Insert RAM jokes here

Naked computer repair / service call by hung man
I offer training sessions were I can teach you how to use certain things on your computer and online from downloading your entertainment to running social pages like MySpace and face book. I can give your computer a tune up so it runs fast again. I check your computer properly for viruses. I can also set up your new computer and transfer over some of the old information you want to keep from your previous system. Well I repair your system I do it in the nude or can dress to your taste. I am a well endowed man. This is a paid computer service call. I am not an escort. I have an average build I am mostly straight but comfortable with my body and I am willing to fix any ones computer in the nude. I travel to you and I can arrange evening appointments to fit your scedual. So why not treat yourself and get more out of your repair mail me for pics and any questions.

My own Korova Milk Bar Fixture

I Can Be Adjusted
Are you a white male that loves to watch TV and have a human footstool under your feet? If you are straight that is fine. If you do not want to have sex that is fine as well. I can be naked or wear clothes. Do you have a buddy and want to play cards together? I can lay on the ground and the both of you can put your feet on me. I will massage them and pamper them. Why rest them on the floor when you can rest them on a live carpet? If you are gay then even better. You can read a book while you ignore me under your feet or do work on your computer while I lay on the floor.
If you want you can watch porn & I will give you the best blow job ever. You do not need to suck me.

Who Doesn’t?

Overheard, Toronto

Corner of Carlton and Jarvis, 6:34pm, waiting for the light.

Me: In Fallout 3, I’ve chosen an option called Bloody Mess that does 5% more damage to zombies and, as an added bonus, makes them explode… in a bloody mess!

SharkBoy: Cooo oo ool! I love exploding zombies!

Ramdom Eavesdropping Homo: Who doesn’t?

Fire Up Your Segway Jokes

Celebs and Media

Kathy Griffin’s old ex-boyfriend and co-creator of the Apple computer, Steve Wozniak, is going to appear on Dances With The Stars. Expect one number to feature jitterbugging Segways and Denise Richards to call him a socially inept fat fuck on live TV.

…it’s complicated.

DWTS is a guilty secret shame I harbour. Now that the Woz will be on it, I feel I can safely come out of the closet and say I like the show. It’s like watching Strictly Ballroom every week.

(Via Engadget)

Zero Percent Down, 100% Fun

Celebs and Media, Improv/Comedy, Toronto

scto_0_down_internalHaving a network of blog friends gets you some pretty sweet perks sometimes. Like RobC getting me tickets to preview a show from the best Toronto comedy club there is: Second City’s 63rd review 0% Down, 100% Screwed.

Man I love Second City show titles. So topical.

I’ve been to SC shows before and I had found that individuals within the cast were always out to put themselves above the troupe by going a bit too heavy on the need-for-attention factor. This time around, the cast of 0% Down felt like a cohesive, funny, and sharing group. Having done improv before I know that getting a team together and having them click without egos or advancement of personal agendas, is nothing short of a miracle. This particular show felt like they not only had created harmony on stage that screamed professional comedy troupe, they would have jumped in front of a comedy bullet for each other if they had to.

The show’s content was your typical sketch/improv comedy content that went from political (Steven Harper entertaining an agreeable Hillary Clinton while Laureen Harper ruins upholstery as Obama orated hypnotically), to topical (a Guantanamo Bay prisoner and a 70s sitcom have so much in common), to downright odd (Fox News attempting to bring their shining example of news journalism to Canada). But here I am 3 days later and I’m recalling the good moments with clarity. Cheap comedy washes off, this show doesn’t, purely because the cast worked so well together. Don’t get me wrong, there were a few lagging moments that can happen in free-forming improv, but I would say the show is 99% polished and well advanced for their March 11 release.

All members of the cast were funny, all had their shining moments, but I want to single out three people from the cast:

Marty Adams: You may know him as the guy who tattooed his chest for Fallsview Casino commercial – backward, in the mirror. His initial scene of playing an 18 inch dwarf was transforming (he’s actually 6ft plus and over 250lbs) had me believing he was gnome-ish. like many larger, physical comedians before him (Candy, Belushi, Farley), you get a sense that Marty stands to create a name for himself purely because of the kinetic, yet honed energy he brings to a scene.

Kerry Griffin: I took a class taught by Kerry at the Bad Dog Theatre and he was bright, attentive and very supportive. I get that feeling that he’s a king pin in this group. He brings a maturity to the show yet drops the odd F-Bomb with the best of them, to keep you off kilter. He’s the king of scene manipulation and while all around him on stage may be drying up, you can tell that he’s brewing something in his sharp mind, 4 steps of everyone.

Finally, Leslie Seiler: Leslie was tasked with two scenes where she had to engage the audience and create scenarios from their suggestions – not for the feint of heart improvisational artist. Yet she showed great control while pulling ideas from shy people. In one particular scene she actually fell off the stage during an overzealous moment of triumph. With stunned silence (do we laugh??!?) the audience waited with bated breath as to her condition. Without comment, she rose from the front row and still in character, used her accident to move the scene on while smiling wildly letting us in on her goof up. Leslie’s most notable when she blithely hauls out one of her fully realized characters, like the way-past retirement, bitter, WalMart greeter begging for shoppers to kill her. Or the psychic charlatan, suspiciously trying to pick up men in her audience. She reminded me of a youthful, updated Andrea Martin and I will be looking out for her in the future.

So, in a word: go. This show is not your typical SC show. It’s got more personality than politics, more clever than cleaving.

Updated 020909 for some wicked grammatical errors. I apologize.

Dance Away the Night

Distractions, Toronto

dance-1Remember how Swing dance came back a few years back and everyone wanted to twirl a poodle skirted girl over their face/head/hips? A friend turned me on to this little “art-show-endurance-event” thing going on at the Harbourfront Centre: Dance Marathon

It’s just as the title suggests: a dance marathon but interspersed with theatrics. From the description:

A genuine endurance contest and staged performance event, hopeful amateurs can mix with bluemouth inc. members under the direction of floor judges and the merciless movement of the clock to shape participation theatre. For those of you with two left feet, simply sit back to enjoy the fancy footwork!

It sounds pretty apt for this neo-Depression era we seem to be entering. Everything old is new again, recycle and reuse!

I was always baffled when I saw those old newsreel films – exactly who is around at 4am to judge/oversee this kind of event? Well, now’s my chance, I guess. I wonder how they’re going to tie everything together at the end…?