Forgetting Yourself

Queer stuff, Travel, You Stupid Dick

A story from our recent camping trip:

We had packed up the car on the last day of camping and said our goodbyes to the three women across from our site, offering up our remaining wood for them to use. We get into the car and start to drive away.

We almost got to the campground’s front gate when SharkBoy remembers the clothesline still hanging between some trees back at the site. How he did an inventory in his head of the car’s contents while he drove to the exit is a mystery to me. But it came to him in a flash and I had to jump out and hike back to our spot. It was quicker than trying to turn the behemoth of a car around and obeying the 3mph speed limit through the trailer park, crawling past glaring tenants who think you’re doing 4mph.

Back at the site, the women are deep in animated conversation and without comment I head straight to the trees to start untying the rope.

I’m considering using my teeth on one particular high up knot, concentrating all my will to get it to release itself and without thought, I fart.

Sometimes the only time you notice a noise is when it stops. I’m not talking about the fart, no. The lesbians had stopped talking abruptly.

Don’t turn around. Keep working that knot. Wind up the rope. Keep your eyes down. Get back to the car…

In Which Dead Robot Turns Chrimson With “Gwarsh!”

Celebs and Media

Robert, who has been coming around this here blog for a couple months now, recently started up Canada Blog Friends, a review site of Northern webzines (ha! when was the last time you heard that? Webzines! hmmm…) that:

…is a celebration of life in Canada, as manifest in many different blogs, across many different genres from every part of the nation.

The coolest Canadian blogs are profiled here, and sometimes extra passionate posts are condensed in compelling story briefs and further digested in comments.

Well I got featured yesterday and I have to tell you, I’ve never had a stranger say such nice things about my blog/hobby who didn’t want money or sex. Go read the review. I rarely toot my own horn on here but the post is so well written I feel like a proud parent at a grade 2 musical and my child just nailed “I Don’t Know How To Love Him”.

Thanks Robert!

Call To Yarns

Amy, political

“I won’t say goodbye! I’ll see you in 5 weeks!”

Thus our fearless leader drops us into our 40th election. I’ve invited Amy, the ASL speaking gorilla to comment on our next round of political postulation. Amy?

Amy good gorilla!
Banana now? No?

Mush face go tv tell us make circle work.
No talk about problems bad now.
Talk about himself. Circle work.

Mustache man make words.
Make good words until one stupid word. Destroy all good words before.

Funny Word Man makes funny words.
Amy scratch head. What? Wait for good words. Words come but work for words.

More of same.

Banana now? Amy good!

Thanks Amy! Stay tuned for 5 more weeks of Elections Canada updates as they happen!

Just Like America

Where’s The Guy…

Toronto, You Stupid Dick

…who is going to clean this shit up?

I really don’t give a fuck where “Fluffy” is. I do give a fuck that you’ve just made a huge mess outside the subway station, on the street corners and on the bottom of my shoes.

The last TIFF, certain dickhead marketing fucks shilling the crap movie “Weirdsville” did their sidewalk ads with an ink that is still visible to this day after a healthy Toronto winter. This shit better come off or I’m going to download your movie off the internet, burn multiple copies and toss them into the streets.

Not Laughing At You. Oh Wait. Yes I Am.

Distractions

“Ma’am? Miss? Excuse me?”

The barista is hanging over the counter trying to get the attention of the woman at the creamer counter. Someone in the fairly longish line steps out and taps her on the shoulder.

“What?” she snaps.

“Your card is short by $2,” the barista says somewhat quietly over the crowd.

“You rang it through twice. I know there’s at least $5 on it left.”

“I can give you a print out of your purchase…”

With a huff she turns back to the front of the line and with weighted flourish, dumps her purse on the counter. She gets the bill and in hushed tones, tries to reason with the barista why she thought there was more money on the card. Finally, angrily, she hands over the remaining cash.

“This is the longest I have ever had to wait for service,” she offers as punctuation to her $4 coffee purchase, and storms off.

I’ve known the barista for some time. Not much fazes her, but you can tell that cow got to her somehow. At my turn at the counter, she takes my order and I stand slightly to the left to wait for my tea. I’m going to tell her that she’s doing a great job… that it’s a great day… something positive. Suddenly a soccer mom with daughter in tow stands directly in front of me and orders. And orders something else. And complicates something (I wasn’t paying that much attention). The barista places my tea on the counter and while I wait for her to take my money, tries to smooth out the soccer mom’s order, which she does, except for…

“Can you give me my coffee now?” the snotty soccer mom asks.

I make eye contact with the barista. I roll my eyes and make a “mah moo mive me my moffee mow?” face behind the soccer mom’s back.

Both of us laugh. Try not to. Then snort hard. Try not to. I give up and laugh and look at the stunned soccer mom. I drop a $1 tip into the box.

It’s just coffee, people!

State of Affairs

Personal Bits

The picture below isn’t a shot from the set of Gummo, no. It’s our living room when you decide that your life needs reorganizing and you empty out all our closets at once.

This test of hoarding/purging is in time for two events this month:

The Cabbagetown Festival, where the entire neighbourhood becomes a giant flea market and citizens expell the contents of their garages, attics and closets into the streets for sale and murmured ridicule. We’re pricing things for light speed sale – I don’t think we have anything over $20. Family and friends are not allowed to visit our table, lest they see the results of failed gifting.

Also this month is my Mom’s birthday party, happily hosted at Casa RoboShark. Our first “real” party since getting sole possession of the apartment. Nervous? Slightly. Dinner will be easy, yet memorable: I’m thinking something like turduckhen.

World of Warcraft, Made Simple

Distractions, Hobbies

I know I’m years behind on this, but I’ve had Evil Panda breathing down my panties to sign up for this game. Last night I downloaded the demo and started to wander about. And then realized I have no clue where he would be, let alone what race he is.

Cue terse email to EP, asking to be brief about what to do next.

What follows is his hilarious response about races in WoW (edited for content):

Tauren: Big minotaur-looking guys, based loosely on Native Americans as far as culture goes. They can be Hunters, Druids, Shaman, or Warriors. They’re probably the most noble of the Horde races.

Orcs: Not like the Lord of the Rings orcs, they’re more like Star Trek Klingons…warrior culture highly based on clans and honor. They were enslaved by demons and brought through a portal from Draenor to conquor Azeroth.

Trolls: Jamaican accents. Think of every bad depiction of a headhunting tribe in Africa, and you basically have the basis for the Trolls. Dancing around a stewpot filled with white explorers, etc. There are many troll tribes, but all players are part of the Darkspear tribe, which is a little more civilized than their cousins. Trolls can be Hunters, mages, priests, shamans, warriors or rogues.

Forsaken (Undead): One of my favorite races, because they’re so tragic. They were basically humans and elves infected with a demon-created plague that has turned them into the living dead (HIV-victims). They’re bitter and pissed about it, some are trying to take revenge against the undead who are still fighting for the Lich King, others are trying to create a new plague that will kill the rest of the living on the planet (granted, the living are trying to kill them right back, and kind of started it to begin with). Undead can be Mages, Priests, Rogues, Warriors and Warlocks. They also get some pretty neat racial bonuses, including the ability to cannibalize the corpses of enemies to regain health. They also have the best racial mount (Skeletal Horse).

Blood Elves: The prettiest race on the planet. Imagine a city filled with lovely blond raver children, and you kinda get it. They’re also magic crack-addicts, as their source of magic was destroyed and they’re desparately trying to build a new one. Can be a hunter, mage, warlock, rogue, priest or paladin.

I made a Tauren character and went off and killed some birds to start. But now I want to be pwned!

Take a Picture, Get Searched

Celebs and Media

Virtual Friend from Flickr, Huntter, got “detained and searched” over in England for taking pictures in a public space.

He’s not upset by it, and to this date, I thought it was only fodder for angry Boing Boing readers. But seeing how it happened to someone I know, I’m actually saddened and concerned.

I could say that “the terrorists have won”. But I think I’ll say that the Conservatives have gotten the upper hand. Not one of any of the terrorists caught in the US or UK were known to have photographs of their suspected targets. Read that again. Not one.

So why the harassment?

Plain and simple: pop culture has made us believe that they do. Movies show piles of photos of buildings as the FBI crashes through the doors of the evil terrorists’ hideout. So subsequently anyone with a camera is a terrorists.

I have to call bullshit.

If this is true, then Microsoft needs to rethink it’s Photosynth development, because the pictures they use to stitch together real time 3D views are, well… public shots.

Flickr is harboring potential evildoers.

Google Image Search is now banned.

You can see where I’m going with this. A policeman thinking he’s protecting us by deleting images off your camera is retarded. And I mean that in the non-political correct way. There is no logic in it.

I’m not advocating acting up or resisting unlawful searches, but it might be useful if you counter their argument with real facts. We’re still free. Let’s keep it that way.

Saugatuck, MI

Hobbies, Personal Bits, Queer stuff, Travel

Five days roughing it in the wilds of Michigan!

“Roughing” is a cliché of course. Campit has heated pool, showers, family cabins and the prerequisite gay dance hall.

Our Home Away
Our Home Away

And the village of Saugatuck ain’t no slouch, either. I swear the value of holiday yachts actually increased despite the economy being toilety. The charm was still there and if I could, I’d retire there in a heart-murmur.

The Most Liberal Car in MI
The Most Liberal Car In Michigan

Things of note:

Evil Panda and Thor have a new dog that transcends “adorable”. Betty the Bulldog was well behaived and utterly cute with her lop-sided underbite.

Get In Close
Cuties!

Evil Panda and Thor transcend adorable together ( and on their own, of course).

Grand Rapids is a place i’d like to look around more. It has a cool university town vibe and that crazy sculpture garden is massive.
Art
Kinetics in The Sun

When you come across a five storey bronze statue of a replica of a Da Vinci horse maquette, you basically feel awe.
American Horse
Big Horse

Bronze horse gonads the size of a Mark V torpedo is awe inspiring, too.

That's Impressive

Drug deals outside your tent at 4 am is a good sign that culture lines are blurring (camping & raving collide). It also was a sign that we were going to get little sleep due to intermittent stupidity. I don’t blame the campground, just the shitdicks who think drugs while camping is fun.

And finally, I really need to learn how to knit. Thor made me a present of a tea cozy and I’m totally wanting to take classes this winter and knit a robot sweater…

Tea time!

My complete photo set is here.

SharkBoy’s amazing photo set is here.