Birthday Comes Early

Distractions, iPhone, Personal Bits

Trends, my friends.

In the past SharkBoy has greeted the anniversary of the first day of existence with fun gadgets that fill up our empty relationship (holy crap I am so kidding…):

One year I got a PSP and a marriage proposal.

Last year was the iPhone (amen) and a Wii (bless me).

This year? A 50″ plasma TV. Okay I am paying for half but it’s a welcome purchase/gift none the less. Xbox will not be disappointing.

I guess next year will be our own satellite if we were to keep with/outdo the electronics theme.

Tonight, while going off to BestBuy to buy it bestly, we stopped in at Funland to check to see if they were really closing on Friday night, my actual birthday. Nope. They were closing this evening. Thankfully we took the time to check. We chatted with the change guy (He was actually smoking inside at the booth – what were they going to do? Shut him down?) and then pushed my way through the small crowd to the back where the ancient games were kept. SharkBoy was a bit skeeved at the lighting and a few sketchy patrons but was reverent with my memories.

VR Helmet Ted

VR Helmet Ted

Ghosts of my past. The arcade was full of hyper active Asian kids playing Dance Dance Revolution at speeds that made me physically frightened for the integrity of their ankles. I really wish the iPhone did video. Really not much different than when I use to go there – just using a different appendage to slap the buttons.

The one game we decided to play “stole” $2 from us.

Bye Funland! I’ll think of you often when I see dead technology.

Now we wait for the delivery truck. I am so going to get a catheter for Sunday!

Rogers Steals My Traffic (And Yours Too!)

Tech, You Stupid Dick

Looked at my stats since Sunday and wondered what I did to piss off my readers. Then I remembered that was when Rogers started their search page redirects. Before, a lot of people were viewing and/or hitting my site through searches.

Now, as you can see, I’ve dropped by nearly 50%

Rogers Hijacks my views

Rogers Hijacks my views

I wonder if I can get a slice of that lost revenue pie…?

As a reminder for my faithful: my RSS feed link is here. Clicking on “Subscribe Now” for Firefox users get all my post sent to them with a lovely scent of pine.

Weekend, Live TV, Cow Tipping

Celebs and Media

I was remiss yesterday by not mentioning Da’s Outstanding Award for Community Service (story and pics at SharkBoy’s pages) Way to go Da! You’ll also be glad to know that we were on the same page about the MCCT service – the Church of Broadway – They sang the entire time. Who is the patron saint of Jazz Hands?

Geddit? Cant Face?

Geddit? Cant Face?

Today we went to the “live” taping of How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria?” and had a great time! I’m writing this before checking out the PVR to see if they got us on TV.

Having Nun of it

Having Nun of it

The whole process was taped live before a studio audience with no slip ups. I love Gavin Crawford. I saw him once at an open Mic years ago and he was brilliant. But here he was 100% scripted (I watched the teleprompters), which is a shame. We tried to get his attention with our sign:

Cow Tipping Votes

Cow Tipping Votes

We waved it hard but he never noticed, Jenna did, I think. I was in a brief shot with a steady cam but they didn’t use the shot in the final show.

Sharkboy and Stage

Sharkboy and Stage

The Dark Knight – a 20 Second Review

You Stupid Dick

Hey Kids, Shelly here!

At the 2 hour, 20 minute mark I thought to myself, how would Bollywood handle this? I concluded that other than the musical numbers, the effects would be much cheaper, but just as “real” and the bits where drama crossed over into melodrama would be a bit sharper and noticable. My mind only started to wonder this because right at the Joker’s biggest, last monologue, we had to endure a theatre staff scanning us for camcorders. Why I went to Bollywood, I don’t know – I guess I noticed a bit of overacting on Gary Oldman’s part? But otherwise, the movie lived up to 90% of the hype.

Yes Heath is as good as you’ve heard but as a supporting actor, as SharkBoy pointed out. His Joker was new and vile and had all the “love to hate” qualities that make a good villain. But he was nothing unless he was doing something to someone. Even at his highest comical moment, he’s inflicting damage on someone else. Without the other characters he’d just be a rambling psycho.

The story is engaging and smart, going beyond expectations for our basic comic book movie. It’s tense and loose where it needs to be and has more twists than expected. And thank god Batman can turn his head in that cowl now.

At this point I want to give a message to ScotiaBank theatre managers: fuck off. You heard me, twats. I am not a criminal, stop treating me like I am. I know that stealing a movie is a crime. Do you see the OPP standing on the side of the highway stopping us individually, telling us speeding is wrong? No, you don’t so you can stop with the asinine trailers about it. And tell the poor minimum wage drones you order into the theatre to scan the crowd for camcorders that doing so right at the biggest monologue moment in the show makes going to your theatre like watching a movie at your grandmothers. Oh and fix that fucking escalator, you lazy dicks.

So in all, a 5 out of 5! But don’t go see it at ScotiaBank.

Rogers – So Helpful

General, Tech, You Stupid Dick

This morning, Rogers never showed for an appointment to fix our cable. Full details over on SharkBoy.ca.

While we were waiting, SharkBoy calls me over to see that his website wasn’t coming up. After a few manual tries, it worked. But not after seeing a couple Rogers/Yahoo search page result (none of which had his site listed…)

Today, Torontoist reports that this is a new feature! So Helpful! You don’t need to be told you’ve typed a URL in wrong from the server you were trying to reach, no. You need to see shitty ads and crap search results!

Thankfully Rogers subscribers can turn it off after jumping through a hoop or two:

One: type in this.sux.extremely into your browser. Just like that. Ta da! Rogers search page:

Two: Scroll down. You’ll see a little “What. The. Fuck. Is this?!” text link at the bottom. Click it:

Three: The next page, you’ll find another text link to turn it off:

The next error you get will be directed to a Rogers page, but weirdly (ironcially?) it displays an IE style error page with broken images. Funny to see on a Firefox browser. Ha. ha. ha.

Thanks Rogers! Eat diseased razor blades and gimme back my web, YOU STUPID DICKS

Why Must I Destroy The Things I White?

Personal Bits

Why is it the one day out of the week I feel super clothes-tastic about what I’m wearing (white polo shirt, funky green plaid shorts, glow in the dark glass pig and leather necklace) and within an hour of stepping out the door I manage to get a tea stain the size of a loonie dead square centre on my chest?

Je suis à accidents enclins et un slob.

I’m Watching This, Man

Celebs and Media

Oh my good gollywog! IT LOOKS AMAZING!!!

The Watchmen Trailer (via Giz!)

I’m sure Zack Snyder is handling this like Chris Columbus did for Harry Potter – one fuck up and millions of ravaging fanboys will burn his house down. Myself included. I LOVED this book!

The trailer looks… (dare I say this?) Just. Like. The. Book. Right down to the discombobulation of Jon Osterman! Yeeee!!!

I think I peed just a little.

Spells I Wish I Could Cast

Distractions

Put on your Hoofindor House colours and wave your wands, kids!

Expecto Petrolium: For anyone who thinks that bad driving is their god given right, they get their hands turned into gas pump nozzles that actually spews their blood that magically transmogrifies into gas. Mobs will hunt you out and NOT pay $.25/ltr. They’ll just take it, because, you know, it’s their god given right.

Expectus Hoarktonium: Spitting in the gym showers? Your eyes turn to phlegm. Sad movies make you blind.

Expetor Dooreasius: You push the handicapped door button and you’re able bodied with nothing in your hands? Zap. Your arms are now 2 inches long. Now you have a reason.

Expecta Jackhammerus: This spell turns any City Works foreman into a slice of cheesecake at a Jenny Craig Convention if they authorize power tool work to be done outside my window before 7am.

Expeti Thongrollium: I see your underwear outside your pants? Poof – it turns into the ugliest version of the opposite sex’s gitch. Women get mustard yellow baggy boxers. Men get rhinestone encrusted thongs. Unremovable for 24 hours.

Expect Moreblogcrappius: I cast a spell where I do excellent writing. Sigh.

The CBC “Gets It”

Celebs and Media

This is currently the number one submission for the Ceeb’s Canada’s Hockey Anthem contest (via Torontoist) that is currently being jacked up by Something Awful visitors. (warning: video’s audio is mesmerizing and annoying)

While losing the theme to their CTV rivals in a dollar contest, I commend them for spinning their loss into an national (internet?) contest. But crowdsourcing bites you on the ass if you’re trying to cover up a dickmove.

However, it was removed for a brief period of time and the Ceeb reinstated it like a good sport.