Tag Archives: american

Blog Roll Ups!

General

I’m dry today so I thought I’d troll off my virtual friends.


Acid Reflux
relates a story of his French interviewer being highly interested in his erection while being HIV positive.

Blamblog relates how I felt in the 80s, but without the drinking.

Brokeass Weave posts a preeetteeee pickchur! (NSFW language)

Citywoof has a serious pain in the foot, a night of debauchery and a stolen tryst in the loo.

Got Cris posts an interesting mix tape.

WARNING! CulturalSNAFU hasn’t updated since Nov 5…

The Electronic Replicant has a post about… uhm. It’s a post where he talks about bluetooth… uh. He has nice colours on his site.

The Fortress of Solitude continues with his Bond Haiku Movie Reivews.

Sadly, From A to B hasn’t posted anything since October.

Fresh Ink for Gambrinous With Griffonage. And it’s about time too.

Hairy Fish Nuts blows a circuit when a right winged blogger shows some liberal backbone.

I Always Win riles against the machine that is City Hall. I wish I owned a car so I could get mad.

Just a Dude Talking About Life takes us on a locomotion ride. (rest of site NSFW)


Mid-Century Maudlin
is old! So he plays young!

WARNING: My Life in the YYZ hasn’t posted since October…

My Blog Rules Your Ass has his Xmas miracle gift online for all to see!

My Prozac Cocoon lists the things he’s thankful for… and he’s not even American!

Nice To See SteveieB proves to us that he is Mark Hamill / Val Kilmer’s love child.

You have questions? Phronk has Answers. But not as to why he’s wearing Family Guy underwear.

Planet Romach reminds us that Xmas isn’t about online porn. Wait… No… I mean “just ourselves”. Did I say porn?

Rainbow Dishes is also caught up in the 6×6 Flickr meme. Cute dog!

Ripping Stitches says what I’ve been thinking last week: Bailout? No! Loan? Yes!

Sharkboy is also in the throws of the 6×6 meme. Of course it’s a picture of me in an ugly shirt.

StudioYVR has a taper worm. Ha! Not what you think…

The Mangina Monologues beats the pants off his Dad with a Wii. Er. Playing with his Wii. Uh. Video games. He beat his dad in video games.

Matias N Oz quotes my favorite holiday cartoon and posts a lovely pic!

bstewart23 wonders why there are two people a day infected with the HIV virus in the city of Toronto. I blame online ads.

Bizarre Christmas wishes are the order of the day at tomato transplants. Are you sure she actually wanted to be on a crappy reality TV show?

Turniphed posts the “Cop overdosing on pot” video.

Unsweetened posts about her numerous blogs being nominated for a Canadian Blog Awards category. I’m not bitter. No.

Yarraville posts arty shots that made me have some ‘splainin’ to do to the IT department.

Whew! That’s a long post. If I left you out you either need to post something or I missed you. Love to all!

Villains

Celebs and Media

One of the first memories I have is the Disney movie 101 Dalmatians. I was 9 or so when I first laid eye on Cruella DaVille. Cloned from Phyllis Diller and Joan Collins’ lesbian relationship, Cruella scared the crap out of me. Her boisterous attitude, the long cigarette, the out of control hair, mysterious all-covering fur coats all combined to remind me of the worst of my mother. But seeing how this is a post about Disney villains and not some pseudo Freudian inner sexual rant, I will continue.

There are strict rules about how we perceive a villain in the Wonderful World of Disney. The fastest way I can describe it is this: they’re either male or female. Congratz, you say! Hear me out:

The Men. All Disney Male Villains (DMVs) MUST have a British accent. Why? Because to Americans, a good North London born and bred voice sounds pompous and condescending, making our hatred gland secrete ire for anyone smarter than us. With the pompousness, comes a pseudo-homosexual undertone designed to sexually offset kids’ budding sexuality in the audience (or hetero parents, for that matter). Oddly enough I know no homosexual who actually disliked a Disney villain, male or female (females do rate higher though). The best male villains rolled their r’s and swirled their hands in large circles (from the wrist) when flamboyantly revealing their sick and twisted plots to a captive hero. When confronting their nemesis, DMVs looked upon their goody goody enemies with half closed eyes and big bottom lips, jutted out in feigned interest. This was usually followed by the DMV placing the hero in such a complex trap, the gods themselves couldn’t ex the machina.

Proof? Here are some prime examples:

Jafar (Alladin): Can you say Joan Crawford in reverse mandrag? The droll downcast eyes and harsh uplighting in every scene would make any drag queen jealous. And those lips. I swear to god he’s wearing eyeliner and eye shadow.

Scar (Lion King): Voiced by Jeremy Irons. Remember him? Dead Ringers? Creepy. Scar is pretty much my cornerstone DMV. He explodes at his stupid henchmen, plots three steps ahead of the writers themselves and you know that as soon as he reaches power in the pride, he is going to have a Caligula-esque orgy within hours.

Professor Rattagan (The Great Mouse Detective): Vincent Price’s lilting foppish voice was perfect as the evil master mind nemesis to Basil (“Oh I love it love it love it,” he chants in one scene, like some queen at a Banana Republic year end sale). Mentioning Rattagan’s true self as a rat and you are fed to an obese fag-hag like cat. How’s that for denial?

Judge Claude Frollo (The Hunchback of Notre Dame): The most sexually fragmented character ever created by Disney. Don’t know him? Maybe you remember his voice as MegaByte from Reboot? Or even more obscure as Chairface Chippendale from The Tick (cartoon, not live action)? No? How about the voice of The Supreme Being from Time Bandits? He has a silky commanding voice and deserves better work than the crappy video games he’s been voicing lately. Who can forget his passionate song to a flaming fireplace as he tries to deal with lust and his piousness? While not gay, certainly he was repressed.

Sir Hiss (Robin Hood): Not so much Brit Evil than creepy smarmy sounding snake. With a lisp. And check out that penile head!

Gaston (Beauty and the Beast): No British accent but he is egotistical, narcissistic, body conscious, proud of his hairy chest, mentions his many hunting conquests and reveres his ability to spit. Can you say overcompensation?

Captain Hook (Peter Pan): Fresh cabin boy, anyone?

The Women: In the Disney universe, female villains are either skeletally emaciated or extremely fat, but most certainly are always Vamps, in the post-war, VD spreading way. Definitely Tramps. Their voices may not be played by British actors or have that Eton taught quality, but there is a throaty, gutteral and husky quality to their voice. I suspect these characters are played this way to entice underdeveloped fears of sexually from immature male children, confusing the crap out of them and making them squirm in their theatre seats. The Disney Female Villain (DFV) is always manic and prone to violent mood swings, going from sultry seductress to exploding volcano, swatting their henchmen with solidly placed firebolts or back hands, in seconds. Their make up is extreme, verging into scary clown effect. Their clothes are always ill fitting, either too loose to give a glimpse of side boob (Yzma, played by Ertha Kitt, in The Emperor’s New Groove) or too tight (Ursula, The Little Mermaid) to offer more curvaceous visuals.

The average DFV is overtly sexual:

The Witch (Snow White): A fine start to all of Disney’s villains by creating this rather anti-Christian device of black magic. As a large hag, her eyes are puffy and downright scary. In her true form, she looks down upon all with her half closed, painted lids. She�s the aunt that doesn�t approve of your birth.

Malificent (Sleeping Beauty) and Lady Tremaine (Cinderella): Joan Crawford was obviously the model for these two villainesses! What is it with everyone fearing large shoulders, smoldering eyes and wicked lips? In the end Malificent is run through with a sword while she’s a dragon. I will just shake my head at the sexual imagery here. Lady T was always looking at Cinderella’s buttkus as she cleaned floors.

Ursula (Little Mermaid): Fat. Pat Carrol. Shakes rump a lot. Fearsome.

Madame Mim (Sword In the Stone): I chose her because she’s prime cross over material: British accent AND a woman. Actually Martha Wentworth was born in NYC but she did a great job with the voice. Boastful and a poor dresser.

Cruella de Ville (101 Dalmations, etc): As I mentioned, her frail skinny body kept under layers of furs and loose fitting cocktail dresses is pure Die G�tterd�mmerung harpy sans wings. She came across like she had just polished off a 5th of gin and that would make any Al Anon kid nervous.

To sum up, Villains from Disney are designed for us to hate them for the following didactic reasons: they get our ire by their pompous, overbearing, authority-hating accent and a vague sexual fear, either by grating against our orientation or by confusing us with unleashed passions.