Walter and Perry

Overheard, Queer stuff

Home Movies - Walter and PerryAt my gym, there are two guys who are dressing just as SharkBoy and I are arriving at the locker room. I will call them Walter and Perry, based on the two 8 year old homosexual couple from Brendon Small’s understated cartoon masterpiece: Home Movies. The cartoon Walter and Perry transcend homosexuality. They bring it to a new level of devotion, well into the “creepy” zone. Like couples wearing matching soft focus kitten shirts in Wal Mart.

Our gym Walter and Perry, however, are not as funny.

While I suspect they’re gay, they yammer on about stupid shit that may or may not identify them as being gay, while throwing in vapid “guy talk” that completely destroys their butch facade. They think this is hilarious and have their volume set so that the rest of the locker room can hear how much fun they’re having. Once I saw them outside the gym, throwing punches at each other in a manly, “lookit us be butch!” kind of way. I can think of many other ways to look manly, starting with passive aggressiveness.

Walter, the short 5’5″ muscle guy, obviously overcompensating for his height, actually struts around the locker room with his towel strategically placed just below the start of his ass crack. Hot? Not! This kind of thing might work at a bath house, but in a public gym? Yerk! Perry, an average height guy and the “brains” of the two, creates the suggestive butch-shattering situations to see how far he can push Walter. Like this little gem overheard this morning, two isles over:

Perry: Move your ass. (Pause) I bet you’d do it for money.
Walter: What? Fucked in the ass?
Perry: Yeah! You’d totally go do it for $5000

I have no clue why he chose $5000. I know plenty of straight guys who would not even touch buttsex at 5x that amount, let alone gay guys who would pay that much to have it done to them.

Walter: You wish! Nah man. Not me.
Perry: Come on. You wouldn’t do it for …5 minutes for $5000?
Walter: No man!

There’s a pause. Then some mumbling.

Not sure which: It’s all about girth, not length.

6 thoughts on “Walter and Perry

  1. andrew

    you have to try night workouts again – far fewer humans and not nearly as many ipods set on stun. there are still oddballs, of course, but not as many as during the dayshift.

  2. Dead Robot

    Snotty: I’d like to stuff my dick down their throats, only to shut them up.

    cb: self hating homos, I’m sure.

    StevieB: I love that show. McGurk is totally my kind of Saturday night.

    Romach: I’m only going to laugh at these guys from now on. “Girth” – sheesh.

  3. Romach

    This story made me giggle. We have some guys in the village here that drink in our local pub and when we go for a drink they start behaving in this ‘masculine’ way also, punching each other and trying to deepen their voices etc. We just sit back and laugh so much.

  4. StevieB

    My favorite quote I use on the other half when asked for the 10th time what we should we go do.
    “Let’s chase butterflies Walter, come on it’s fun. Butterflies!”

Comments are closed.