Monthly Archives: February 2006

Work Struggles

Work

This post is a design/HTML/faulty manager rant and while it does have a general theme of poor business practices, some non-industry people might glaze over. In case of boredom, please visit the links to the right.

You might remember that I once complained about a certain staff member that thought it was ok to use Dreamweaver’s drop down menu to higgetty piggety create CSS rules for web pages and not care about multiple Class elements.

He was fired 6 months ago and I’ve stepped in to take over his job while still doing my own work. Beyond his ability to create crappy code, he had an unerring skill to get under everyone’s nerves by not being able to concentrate beyond 2 minutes of the start of a conversation. Soon, the company is getting a web-based app that manages all departments from online booking to website updates, which will be far beyond my tech abilities to maintain. Sooner or later I will be delegated back down to designer when they hire a real “developer” who can code ASP and Java servelettes. Fine by me. I hate coding. Right now I’m getting more money equal (snort) to the extra work load which makes the day go by fast, thankfully. So work has been “good” in the sense that Higgetty Piggetty code guy is gone and we’re all talking/laughing again in the design cube.

But I am still up against a company staffed by web-illiterate zombies.

Okay that was harsh, but there is a grain of truth in that.

For the last 9 months, I have been trying to incorporate two sites into one, our Air division site, where agents can book flights, with the Agents site, where agents can get up to date info on specials. Easy? In theory. I’m up against 5 managers who for the first 4 months of the project provided me with no feedback or cohesive ideas on how to go about merging these sites. So I went to the server logs and looked at what parts were being used and pruned back some of the crap (who really wants to click twice to get a “world clock”?). I got to the point where the new site was on the test server and waiting feedback from the managers.

Nothing.

Three months go by with the occasional prodding email.

Tumbleweed.

Suddenly at my desk is oh lets call him Mr Roo. Hi. Have we been introduced? No? Who are you? The guy hired to get the Agent’s site up and running? Beauty! Lets go.

Seeing Mr Roo run with this was like watching one of those bump-and-go toy race cars smashing into dining room table’s legs. He got things moving, that’s for sure.

We went “soft launch” yesterday, meaning the site went live, internally. The final stage before the public can see it. Test test test… Suddenly the marketing director comes to me and asks where I was with the project. He’s been touching base with it since day one and offering a steady hand in it’s creation but unfortunately he couldn’t chase down these managers either and was happy to have Mr Roo on board. I tell him about the soft launch. He seems a bit stunned and runs to his office to look at the site. 5 minutes later he comes out of his office and asks what the name of the new site is.

I blink. With that question, 9 months of discussion, design and display have suddenly been negated.

I tell him.

He says the redirect isn’t working. I check and it isn’t. With some research, we find the accountant has purchased the new site name but in singular. XXXagents.com has become XXXagent.com. In terms of deadlines, this isn’t a real big deal, some images and text will have to be tweaked. I was more cheesed at that we were less than 24 hours away from a launch and such a small, minor miscommunication that should not have been an issue at all, nearly blew us out of the water. And I’m thankful that we hadn’t been marketing the site heavily yet.

This company is on a familiar cusp of “growth or crumble”. Moments of gross miscommunication are commonplace here. For example I like to watch one particular manager get distracted while he’s in the middle of conversations with any one of us in the design cube. He’ll allow someone interrupt him while he about to advise us or is advising us on a particular project and never comes back to the cube to finish his thought. While he’s doing an amazing job keeping things together, its comical to watch him slap his head and come back into the cube to finish a thought hours/days later. He is going to require an assistant outside his door soon, stopping the small stuff.

I’ve seen this as a constant in the offices I’ve worked in over the last ten years: micromanagement divided by ghost management is directly related to how much shit the head guy drops down from above.

Whew. I’m done. You can come back.

The Room in My Head

Personal Bits

Int: a dark room with a ratty couch that has seen better days. Diet Coke cans, pizza boxes and porn DVDs litter the floor. Across from the couch is a large HDTV that projects image feeds from Ted’s eyes.

We pan across the front of the couch, revealing a version of a chubby, disheveled Ted, wearing sweat pants and a t-shirt that says “Stomach” in Batman-esque henchmen lettering. Beside Stomach is Ted again wearing a clean shirt emblazened with “Reason”. And finally, beside him, is a third Ted, skinny, weasel-like, wearing a shirt with “Penis” across it. Reason has a PS2 controller in his hand.

POV: cut to over the shoulder shot of Stomach, Reason and Penis as they watch the TV. POV shot on the screen of a crowded mall.

Stomach: Can we eat that?

Reason: Please. It’s a bank machine.

Penis: Can we put me in it?

Reason: Where? In the deposit slot? Honestly you two are too much. Can’t we just get the body home without base and animal distractions…

Penis: Bah! You are one fuckin’ ice queen, you know that?

Reason: (rolls eyes)

Stomach: Are we going to pass by the food court? It’s been at least–

Penis: HOT COP! LOOK! HOT COP!

Stomach: Can we eat him?

Reason: I have to admit, I wouldn’t mind getting his attention.

Penis: WAVE AT HIM! YELL AT HIM! THROW SOMETHING AT HIM!

Stomach: Put him in our mouth!

Reason: Stop it both of you! I am walking away normally. (He wrenches the controller to the left – the TV lurches left)

Penis/Stomach: NOOOO!

Blocked

General, Personal Bits

I am at a bit of a loss of what to say today. Usually I can rant with the best of them. I could mention my dissapointment that This is Wonderland (page has link to the Ceeb’s complaint page!) has been cancelled. I feel for my brother, but in all honesty he is doing fine without the show, hence his absence from it this season. No. I could write about how I nearly lost it last night in Improv class when one of the students, when asked to say the imaginary name of a WWE wrestler came out with “The Lithuanian Steamer” Heh. No. I could mention that I have an Ikea cabinet for sale extremely cheap or it gets thrown out to the dogs (think silver BILLY with grey trimmed glass doors). I could mention I’m glad my Da is home from his trip onboard that Italian cruise ship. I bet he has some stories…
No.

After all that, I’m here to say I’ve reinstated my old City as Blog and some old pics back up on the Gallery section. Now that the office is 99% up and running, I hope to be adding more sooner.

Hello OnStar?

Distractions

If you’ve spent more than 20 min in a car with me then you know that it’s physically impossible for me just to “sit there” and not do anything. Our last rental car was equipped with OnStar and I SO DESPERATELY wanted to press that little blue button.

OnStar: This is OnStar, how can I be of service?
Me: Hi OnStar! Do you like what I’m wearing?

OnStar: OnStar, how may I help you?
Me: I think I’m being followed. Oh no, sorry it was a bird.

OnStar: Hello OnStar. How may I help you?
Me: (throaty, breathy) What are you wearing?

Or my favorite: Get OnStar to flash your lights (their parking lot locater service) and dance in front of the car like some bad 80s video.

“Did you find your car, Mr Robot?”
“Damn it! Keep flashing! …Dancing at the feet of the moon!!”

Boing Boing Jumps the Shark

General

Boingboing.net usually has some pretty cool stuff posted to it but lately I’ve found it’s become a bit too anti-DRM (I’ve only been reading the Sony Rootkit stories) and …well… a bit too slow on the cool stuff. I just got this across my feed:

Adustable Measuring Spoon – Clever! Cory Doctorow writes how these spoons are an “ingenious alternative to graduated measuring-spoons”. Thankfully there’s an update discrediting these super cool spoons as being “hard to clean” and awkward, no matter how much brushed metal and rubber the manufacturer uses.

Apparently Cory D needs to get out more. I’ve seen these in dollar stores last year.

Does anyone else have a new coolhunter site they can recommend?

Sharkboy’s Choice

Personal Bits

It’s a dismal afternoon as Sharkboy stands on the train platform, his arms encircling his utmost love: 600 VHS videos with such titles as Monster Lake!, Pirannha II and Biker Werewolves from Arizona. Nazi guards are all around him, insisting he make a decision on which tapes he is going to keep and which must leave him.

“Schnell!” they bark.

Tears well up in his eyes. Will he let Food of the Gods go? Or will The Swarm meet it’s untimely end? He must choose! *

This weekend Sharkboy and I remodeled the office so I could fit my computer in there. Remodeling meant taking down the 600+ videos he had up along one wall and trying to cram half of them back into an Ikea cabinet and the other half would go into storage. It was sickening to see him get more and more frustrated.

Sunday night I spent an hour on the phone with Linksys trying to get XP to talk to the wireless router. Last time I did this, I spent 3 calls to support before realizing that I was on a 2.4G phone and thats why I couldn’t connect.

The office is far from done. And my monitor dominates my tiny desk but all should be righted in the next couple weeks.

* Please note, I have never actually seen Sophie’s Choice. Consider this a re-imaging of it for my blog entry purposes.

Lazer Anus!

General

Lazer Anus! New! It’s Lazer Anus! Zap! Look out! Lazer Anus! Hey Kids! Get your parent’s permission before visiting Lazer Anus! It’s all about the Lazer Anus! Lazer Anus? Why yes! Thank you! Is that the new nano Lazer Anus? I had Lazer Anus but I lost it on the bus. New Lazer Anus in jumbo pack! Lazer Anus 2.0! LOL Lazer Anus!

Alternative iPod Operations

General

I wear thin leather gloves during these times of temperatures between 0C and -10C. They’re standard issue OPP gloves and while they are pretty darned strong, they’re so thin I can pick up subway tokens when I wear them.

Despite their functionality, when I first put them on, they are too cool to operate my iPod. I discovered this yesterday while leaving the office. I could have rubbed my fingers together to heat them up, thereby making the Play sensor kick in, but no. I had to go do things the special way.

I tounged the Play button.

…it worked.

I now officially “love” Apple products.

New Banner

Personal Bits

True to my word, I am starting the “guest banner” run this month.
I thank daryl vocat, first in with his redition of me in leather. Yeah that’s me when I was skinny, just behind the font there. He used that image for an article in Xtra magazine about sport and masculinity. You can’t see that I’m in all leather and gripping a pigskin.