Category Archives: Amy

Remember! Amy! Talking! Sign Language! Gorilla! Pretty! Amy!

The Numbers Game

Amy, political, Toronto, You Stupid Dick

This just in! Breaking news from the city of Toronto. We now go to Amy, an ASL talking, Dead Robot Heavy Industries Political Correspondent. Amy?

Amy! Good Gorilla!
New big gorilla! Promise to stop eating Amy’s banana! Make banana go to smaller gorillas outside gorilla nest. Make choo choo train go through ground with no banana! But why Amy not get own banana? No worry, Amy! New deal! Get rid of most big gorillas and we only love new big Gorilla. But big gorilla break law. Big gorilla could murder someone on the steps of city hall and small outside gorillas still love. Amy think small outside gorillas are dumb.

Thank you Amy.

Couple points about last night’s vote:

While the numbers weren’t really that surprising, the speed at which they did come in, was. Thank god for algorithms that can calculate averages of political wins within 8 minutes of the polls shutting.

Twitter users are 90% liberal.

What was up with Hazel’s throat-dusty rant about “the media” when asked by CP24 if she was surprised she won again? Holy back off, grandma!

While commenting on Rob Ford’s weight is as equally unfair as commenting on Smitherman’s sexual preference, one is much funner to do than the other.

Smitherman’s speech was classy, yes. But that child needs some PR training. When Daddy says “Wave”, you better fucking wave, kid.

If you want a vision of Toronto for the next four years, see the fat fuck that cameras loved last night when Flounder won: air pumping to U2’s “Its a Beautiful Day”.

I said last night in my tweets that stand up comedians and political cartoonists will be rolling in the dough for the next while.

These certainly are interesting times.

White Christmas

Amy, Distractions

Dead Robot: We’re packing up the rental SUV (take that, fatty fuck Al Gore!) with all our prezzie loot and headed to the most picture perfect spot in the US for Xmas: Vermont! Home of sporadic iPhone G3 service. We all here at Dead Robot Heavy Industries would like to thank you for reading through this most difficult year of economic ass raping and encourage you to shop blindlessly into the new year! Happy Holidays!

RobotBlogger: Machines will rule this planet! Until then, happy seasons!

Dead Robot: Nice.

Shelly: Hey Tubby! Can we go see Avatar again and make it a sing-a-long? Anything’s better than the same marine yelling “GET SOME!!” over and over again.

Dead Robot: I will kick you back to the Cayman Islands if you don’t shut up.

Amy: Amy Good! Gorilla! Amy Eat faces of house apes! Amy Holiday Cheer! Banana Cake! Cage out! Kill sad!

Shelly: Can we remove her batteries?

Dead Robot: You want to get close enough to try?

Merry Xmas! Here’s a video of America for you!

Call To Yarns

Amy, political

“I won’t say goodbye! I’ll see you in 5 weeks!”

Thus our fearless leader drops us into our 40th election. I’ve invited Amy, the ASL speaking gorilla to comment on our next round of political postulation. Amy?

Amy good gorilla!
Banana now? No?

Mush face go tv tell us make circle work.
No talk about problems bad now.
Talk about himself. Circle work.

Mustache man make words.
Make good words until one stupid word. Destroy all good words before.

Funny Word Man makes funny words.
Amy scratch head. What? Wait for good words. Words come but work for words.

More of same.

Banana now? Amy good!

Thanks Amy! Stay tuned for 5 more weeks of Elections Canada updates as they happen!

Just Like America

New Writer for

Amy, General

I find that I am stymied on how to review the ever changing political/social landscape yet stay within my rule I have about blogging in a non-partisan kind of way. So I have enlisted a new, bright, up-and-coming writer to my site. Please help me welcome Amy to our little online hoedown.

(You might remember Amy from the 1995 Frank Marshall movie: Congo. Amy played the sign-languaging gorilla with the voice chip in a glove she wore over her “talkin’ hand”)

Today, Amy will be discussing the new Ontario Liberal budget! Take it away Amy!

Amy! Hide! Lliberal! Banana!
Amy! Touch! Amy! Take! Yes! Amy! Pretty!
Amy! Conservative! No! Dirty! Conservative! Mess! Leave! Yesterday! Dirty! Conservative!
Amy! No! Stupid! Amy! No! Amy! Good!
Amy! Farmers! Dirty! Touch! Farmers! Love! Amy! Farmers! Sad!
Amy! Learn! Baby! Amy! Baby! Dirty! Touch! Bad!
Banana! Now?