Category Archives: Tech

Happy iPad Day!

Tech

Oh Jony Ive – what you have released unto this world… I’ll follow you into hell itself.

I keep on telling myself I need to wait for V3. But… so compelling. And a brand new Apple chip too!*

*Probably the major #1 reason why I should wait. Apple’s first chip? Lets just wait and see.

And The Cheese Stands Alone

Distractions, Tech

Here’s a crazy picture of what my mouse does in an average hour at work. The background was actually divided between Photoshop, web and email. Large dots = mouse stops.

Mousepath!

From Anatoli Zenkov Flickr page Small Java app available too.

Pro Tip: If you’re using Photoshop, take a screen grab of your desktop, then make the Mousepath image your top layer. Choose “Multiply” as that layer’s blending option – white background disappears.

Ping. You’re Filled

Personal Bits, Tech

This morning my jaw feels like I got too close to the wrong end of a donkey (is there a right end?). You see, I had a filling done yesterday and for 12 hours I thought it was a technical marvel of modern dentistry – the least amount of discomfort for a filling I’ve ever experienced. Now I’m just sore.

As I’m bibbed, laid back and mouth cranked open, the dentist whips out a tiny, seemingly harmless probe and taps it on my gums next to the targeted tooth. Seconds after that he pops into my peripheral vision with a larger needle with a tube running from it and heads straight for my mouth. I’m expecting the pain but to my surprise there is none. The first tap was a quick local where the larger needle was to go in. I couldn’t feel anything, obviously due to the spreading freezing agent, but he did manage to move my whole head by shifting his hand slightly. Which made me wonder just how deep in was this needle. As I speculated that the needle was well under my tooth, a machine behind my head started to sing.

It was like being in a cockpit of a jet aircraft experiencing a crash landing. The first alarm was a female computer voice saying “PLB!” Or “TLC!” or something. I was told that was short for “I Stab at Thee, Vile Tooth!” or some such nonsense. Basically a reminder of what the dentist was about to do – either upper or lower single tooth anesthetizing. After that, three distinct tones played out over the machine: One “ta da!” ping to tell the dentist that the needle was indeed inside the ligature under the tooth, one “doo dee doo dee doo” ping to let the dentist know that freezing agent was being delivered to the nerves and a bizarre steel drum “da tah da!” to signal the finish.

So I was left for 3 minutes to let my single tooth to come accustomed to the freeze. After that, nothing. No pain, no discomfort, nothing to even complain about. The tip of my tongue was numb but the rest of my face was normal, compared to the last few fillings I’ve had that have rendered me a slobbering idiot. The drilling and the filling took less than 25 minutes and by the time I had taken the elevator from the 19th floor to the street, the freezing was already subsiding.

Today, as I said, my mouth is sore but nothing to get all dramatic about. I expect that will subside soon.

I can remember my first filling where all I can recall is a huge syringe, rubber dams, the room filling with the smell of tooth dust, enamel and fear and finally, me fainting in the waiting room on my way out the door. Like teens today not experiencing non-remote control tv, they’ll never know the horror of the importance of good dental hygiene.

Urge to Early Adopt – RISING!

iPhone, Tech

All the tech blogs out there are speculating that Apple will announced an event for January 27th (or the 26th, or the 19th) where they most likely will announce the “iSlate” or “The Overgrown iPhone”. Definitely something “small enough to carry in a handbag but too big to fit in a pocket”.

Sigh. I’ve learned my lesson with being an early adopter for Apple. You wait until the 3rd version of whatever Apple makes. Usually, the first version of a new product from Cupertino is always somewhere near “prototype” quality – amazing functionality with shockingly beautiful design all packaged in reality-distorting hype. But after 6 months a battery explodes here, a screen dies there, or some glaringly obvious feature is left out (Cut ‘n paste on the iPhone!). The second version is always “We heard your comments and look! We made it white!” where they address enough issues to satisfy another push of sales (the reality distortion field is turned up to 11). Finally, the third version always has a faster processor AND most of the issues resolved.

I know all this. I’ve gone through it three times with the Blueberry iMac, the iPod and the iPhone. I know enough to wait. But why do I tingle like a zombie Jesus on the third day of Easter?

Flash back to Dec 26th in Vermont. We decided it was time to visit some shops for some post season sales and we enter a Barns and Nobel (Canadians will know them as “Chapters” up here). Right at the entrance was a pre-order desk for their new eReader, called “The Nook“. The excitement around the table itself was incredible. With the crowd chattering on how interesting this new thing was it was obvious that people want an eReader. With all the options promised by the Nook (free connection/download service from B&N, book preview, colour touch screen instead of physical buttons like The Kindle, etc) there’s a good chance that the iSlate will do the same, but in colour and with a lot more functionality. Such as magazine subscriptions and/or movie rentals via iTunes.

And have a hybrid of OS X running it.

And have internet connectivity over 3G.

And a web cam for chatting/messaging.

And will cure cancer.

Of course, SharkBoy has forbidden me to even think of getting one this year. Damn I hate being behind in technology. But keeping up with technology is like you’re a horny salmon in an Alaskan river: you can only go so far and then you’re fucked and die.

Hush Hush Sweet Gates

Personal Bits, Tech
My Ono-Sendai Deck

My Ono-Sendai Deck

This morning I transferred over the last of the files from the PC to the Mac in a bizarre dance of wireless acrobatics across our N network. Yes. It took me a week. See PCs generally don’t come with a Firewire plug and I couldn’t find any male to male USB cords.

I shut down the PC for the last time and started to unplug everything from the back of the beige brick. As I did I thought of all the artwork, websites, letters, pictures, anger, sadness, fruitless searches, laughter and stupidity I’ve experienced with this one computer. After over 6 years and 4 reinstalls, two major viral attacks, various upgrades I can’t help but think how it’s been a good run. Not that I’d run back to a PC any time soon but you never forget the thing that got you there.

Yank – the keyboard is unplugged. Glurk – the Bluetooth mouse is out. Schtuck – out come the jumble of speaker wires. Glik – Ethernet cable. Scruhscruhscruh – Monitor disconnected.

Hey wait a minnit… Thinking I could add the monitor to the iMac for a second screen – palates and Mail, I sat and started to surf to see what kind of adapter I needed.

As I searched, SharkBoy and I simultaneously stopped and looked at each other.

It was quiet. We could hear things out on the street. The tap dripping in the washroom. The cats snoring.

For the last 6 years (3 years for Sharkboy) the two fans that run the processor and the video card on that old PC have been a constant drone, a soundtrack to my home life. I knew when things were being processed or the insides needed a dusting from a blast of canned pressurized air,  just by the tone of the fans. Now it was silent. Like, deafeningly silent.

With the iMac, I hear… nothing. My fingers are the most noisiest thing in the office as I type on the chicklette keys.

Why didn’t I do this sooner?

God Help Me

Tech, You Stupid Dick

I’m going to Best Buy tonight to try to order a computer. An iMac. Using a gift card as part of the payment.

Yeah I know! Crazy!

Everything about this I know is setting off alarms in my head. I have become so cynical towards customer service from past experience (and not just from Best Buy), that I am not putting a lot of faith in this foolish endeavour. At the first sign of stupidity I will throw my hands up in the air and run from the store in tears, sit on the pavement outside the store and light my Best Buy credit card on fire like some well meaning Vietnam Buddhist monk.

I know what you’re thinking – Why not just go to the Apple Store? Due to the impending cruise our cash has been vented to the vacation, meanwhile our Best Buy card has been gathering dust since our TV purchase. My need for a new computer outweighs my desire to keep my sanity intact, it seems.

Yesterday I tried calling around to various Best Buy stores to see if they had the particular iMac I wanted – the BB site sucks for inventory reporting. After calling a couple locations I knew the sequence of buttons to get to the Computer Hardware Department line but apparently at the Downsview store, pressing the same sequence of buttons lands you in some freaky alternative universe of goatee-wearing Best Buy employees:

BB Girl: Thankyouforcallingbestbuy. How can I direct your call?
Me: I’m calling to see if you have the 21.5″ iMac in stock.
BB Girl: Is that… pardon?
Me: The Apple iMac…? 21.5″ model…?
BB Girl: Is that a computer? I guess you want a computer!

Holy crap. A Best Buy employee that didn’t know what an Apple computer was? Meanwhile, she transfers me to a dead line.

If I walk out of the Yonge and Dundas outlet with nothing more than anger I will utterly gobsmacked. Stay ‘tuned!

Happy Dead Robot

Happy Dead Robot

Update: We walk into the Y&D Best Buy store and after trying hard to wave someone down we hung out near the staff door near the back. We flag down a woman going off the floor and she calls on her headset for a manager to come by to help us. The manager is not really interested in helping us since he has no more iMacs in his store. Can we purchase it now and wait for it to be shipped? No. Can we purchase it now and have it shipped from another store? No. Can you tell us the nearest store that has one. Sigh. From his terminal he finds one out by the airport. Thanks buddah!

However, the staff and service out at the Etobicoke store was polar opposites. We got help within seconds, we fixed our BB card with the CSR within moments (apparently they changed finance companies that day – hence the inability to purchase the computer online last night) and had the iMac in my hot grubby hands within 15 minutes. Night and Day, my friends.

Dead Computer

Distractions, Personal Bits, Tech

See what I did there with the title? Title of blog, title of post? Yeah, I’m all bacony wrapped enigmas.

The last few weeks my poor Pentium 4, 2.3Mhz computer started to act funny. Drivers suddenly didn’t drive things plugged into the USB ports. Things started to fail and somehow my monitor went a pale blue.

And suddenly without notice, my CD burner just refused to be a team player. I can read from a CD but the burning software (hopelessly outdated) will not respond, even after re-installing. It’s a great cup holder, though.

This week, if my computer sleeps or iTunes opens (with every recharging of my iPhone) then my mouse needs to be unpluged and replugged in with not one, but two activate/deactivate sounds.

On Tuesday, I clicked on a YouTube link and suddenly got an alert window (not a browser pop up) letting me know that “they” were sad that I was leaving their page and I should visit more often. Thing is, YouTube doesn’t allow scripts like that within their pages. A chill wend down my spine.

I instantly ran some virus software. Nothing more than usual adware malware came up. Then while the computer was suppose to be idle, I noticed that there was a “hidden window” that couldn’t be closed when I “Alt+Tab” and huge packets of information were being shot off into cyberspace.

I disconnected my RJ-45 instantly. Yikes.

So I’m hopping along on SharkBoy’s iMac in my own recently created profile and I’m lustfully looking at iMacs for myself.

Anyone wanting to donate money to my sorry cause can do so via PayPal or just send bacon.