The Fat Kid At the Party – Or 24 hours with IE 7

General

I’ve downloaded the Beta 2 of IE7 and I’m somewhat impressed.

After some fumbling (I had BETA 1 on my system and B2 insisted that I remove IE before continuing. Riiight. That’s like getting Catholic Church out of our bedrooms. Ba-zing!), I got it up and running. I don’t know what kind of Jedi Mind Tricks it’s using for fonts (I remember somewhere there was a make-fonts-crispy add-on a while back), but I’m suitably impressed at the clarity it brings to a page. This is pretty much the only we-didn’t-copy-Firefox feature IE has going for it.

I’m no techie, so I couldn’t tell you if it’s secure or speedier or if it will take care of your fish when you are on vacation, but I am impressed with the new stuff. The tabbed navigation, the smaller icons, calm colour scheme are all fresh. But wait. Oh yeah. Had that already on Firefox nearly a year ago. As for add-ons. ZZZZ. Hey did I show you my cool “BlackJapan” theme? It rocks!

One weird thing is the placement of the textual menu system, below the URL field as opposed to the usual top and to the left. Why do this? Just to be cool? Michael Jackson wore one glove to be different and everyone thought it was cool, for all of 6 seconds. Why change switch this around from oh… pretty much every single piece of software out there?

In all, I’m finding IE7 much like an attention starved kid at his brother’s birthday party: “Lookit me! I can do that! Lookit! LOOK IT!!!”

HAL

Robots

HAL(Too Busy Living might not want to read this)

HAL remains my favorite cinematic “robot”. After multiple viewings, HAL’s voice still makes my flesh crawl. His voice always seemed to be so tightly contained that you wondered if he was strangling adorable digital kittens just beneath that lens. Apparently Anthony Hopkins felt the same:

In a commentary on the Criterion Collection DVD version of The Silence of the Lambs, Hopkins claims the villainous computer HAL 9000 from Stanley Kubrick’s 2001: A Space Odyssey as one inspiration for his interpretation of the character.

I usually feel equally creeped out after calling Rogers or Bell. After barking orders at these bodiless vox, I feel a pang of fear that one night I am going to wake to a ringing phone, answer it, and have an Emily, or The Rogers Happy Guy inform me that the machines have taken over and that I should stay indoors until a later time when I can be collected by the Machine Overlords for harvest. I digress…

This whole post is sparked by an interesting article from Kottle.org, about why HAL sings “Bicycle Built for Two”. Not really news but if you dwelve further into the links you find all sorts of trivia regarding that once great company IBM.

SoundtrackWhen I was about 9 years old, my oldest brother brought home the soundtrack to 2001 and I was mesmerized by the cover illustration of the shuttle blasting away from the half-built wagon wheel space station. He even went out and bought a model of the needle nosed craft and displayed it proudly in his room. It’s sleek design, unlike any of the balsa wood wind up planes I was playing with back then, prompted me to steal moments of playtime with it so I could “fly” it around the house – and resulted in many beatings for the invasion of his privacy. I would scour the library for science fiction books about the movie, not really understanding the images of the Monolith or the stark white apartment, but I would linger over the Major Matt Mason-esque space suits and clean enviroments of the Moon base. All this long before actually seeing the movie. This was pre-video, kids, so when it was announced that 2001 was going to play on late night TV, I was ecstatic! I prepared. I was “good” and did all my chores. I debated to success that I was old enough to stay up past 11 on a Friday night. I got two bags of chips and a big bottle (glass!) of Coke for the event.

And promptly fell asleep during the first half due to it being on so late.

And again during the last 1/4th.

But when HAL was on screen I was enrapt with wonder. A frigging talking scary computer! (As an aside, Douglas Rain did a few computer voices for Woody Allen’s Sleeper and was tonally perfect for his revival of the character for the sequel, dispite a 16 year gap) I felt sorry for the bastard when they shut him down. He was just doing his job! With HAL’s death I have been rooting for the bad guy ever since.

The Wall

Hobbies

So far my improv comedy classes at The Bad Dog have been going amazingly well. When I do a scene, I kill. I accept and offer, keeping the scene flowing. I try not to block physically or verbally. I am getting compliments on my character work. At one point last week, the instructor asked for two people to go up for a scene and I jumped up simultaneously with a veteran actor and she quietly uttered “oh good” when she saw we’d be up together. Little things that make me smile.

But last night, I discovered my improv nemesis. An aspect of improv so heinous to me that I am up against a mental block wall when I get on that stage. An improv vehicle so devastating to my confidence, I shove other weaker players into it’s gaping maw to avoid getting devoured by the moster that is miserable onstage failure. They call it “dying” in the biz. I don’t just die when I do this kind of improv. I take hostages, demand outrageous unobtainable things and then wind up falling on my sword, my comedy entrails stinking up the theatre.

Musical Improv comedy is the scourge of live theatre.

Musical Improv reduces me to a mumbly, stumbling stuttering lump. I am unable to make the simplest of rhyme or keep to a metred time. Conscequently my ability to keep the story on track resembles an epileptic on a Segway. At best I stammer about UPS drivers schtupping my wife while either of my eyes try to focus on two different points in space. I wind up shouting out meaningless tripe that sidetracks the story, blocks offers and makes me rip off my shirt and tweak out back hair in a vain attempt to rescue any kind of comedy left in the scene.

I don’t know why I fail so miserably. I think I try too hard and wind up forcing out too many ideas at once. The next morning I was singing with confidence in the shower, my usual Lithuanian Steamer lyrics inserted into pop songs. It’s not that I’m afraid of my singing voice. God knows others should be, but I’m confident that I can keep a note. Or tune.

I guess I’m just flummoxed that I have an area in improv that I need improvement.

Lots of improvement.

I Was So Bloated, I Chucked My Energizers

Robots

Here’s a profession I would not shed one tear if robots overtook it.

robocatwalk

A Catwalk robot that poses and struts. It also smashes it’s cell phone fists into it’s minder when brought the wrong kind of Evain water and with it’s specially designed alloy skin, can deflect camera flashes when it does a line in the latest clubs.

Happy Birthday Da!

Personal Bits

Happy Birthday Da!

I know you’re sad that we don’t come around to borrow the car anymore.

And our last visit all Sharkboy and I did was snark at each other in your doorway.

And that you make me happy by hanging that gaudy piece of art in your livingroom that really doesn’t go with the Waterford crystal, but yet it’s hanging up there all proud n’ stuff.

And that I might have chased off that last guy you were “dating” but he was totally not your type. You need a guy who is confident, sure of himself, calm and intelligent. We should clone you so you could date you.

And that you have bailed me out of scrapes and near misses so many times in the past. Remember that time in Kitchener, when I made dinner for that guy who never showed up, my first ever stood up date, and you sat with me and ate it with me and said that this would probably happen again in my lifetime? That was you being a really good parent and friend.

Anyway, it’s your birthday and I’m all happy for you! (guy punch in the arm) Mozeltov!

Staid

General

I’ve been called boring. I’ve been called nuts. Hell I’ve been called a fuck face. But staid?

Fly my minions, flood this witch’s blog with filthy comments! Fly! FLY!!!! AHAHAHAACahaha coff cofff….