I had to perform the second least favorite part of any manager’s job today: hand out a letter of reprimand. He had it coming though and I was tired of everyone making excuses for his behaviour: “Oh is he working tonight? Glasses will be backed up…better get prepared.” or “Is he on tonight? We’ll be here longer to clean up.” or even the classic comment from the other manager: “You know if he ever calls in sick or wants to change from when I manage, I have no arguement.” Why are we making excuses for this dick? Today he didnt even show up for his shift. He was partying too hard the night before and he knew he had to open the bar at noon. He wound up calling at 2:15pm to apologize. I informed him that he was written up and that we needed to talk face to face, could he come in and see me within the hour? Sure. He swans in at 7pm. Im about to explode. He looks like a hounddog with a thorn in his foot. “There’s nothing I can say!” he says (after he said ‘Im sorry’ of course). I handed him the letter, bitched him out and made him sign it. Bitching him out was threatening him with immediate dismissal if he ever shows up to the bar drunk or stoned like he was last week and that he better consider what his job means to him if he’s going to jeapordize it for himself and the rest of us (he had left out some bottles from the night before as well as skivving off from his shift–effectively putting the bar’s licence on the line if we were ever spot inspected). I could feel my anger rising and I was getting scared. Like Bruce Banner scared. Like “holy shit Im gonna lose it in front of this guy”. The other manager could hear it in my voice. I finished the converstaion with “Get the fuck out of my face.” I think I was harsh but the other manager said I was far too nice. After, a second employee asked if I was ok, to which I said “Im ok. Not too sure about him, though,” meaning the slacker employee. “Oh well then, do you want some mushrooms?” he asked. I nearly lost it. I said calmly, “I have to work tomorrow,” and I walked away. Christ. I dont condone drug use…I condone stupidity and poor choices.
Current Voltage
I did my drunk Bob Villa impersonation the other day. Nobody laughed. Damn.
Today I spied a new Church Street Icon in the making. The “tranny truck”. Its a truck, one of those new four door jobbies than has a short back end for sake of the cab. Its navy blue and drives very slowly because….ITS FULL OF TRANNIES. Without a word of a lie. Ive seen it twice in three days. And they’re not pretty trannies either. We’re talking “we use to play football” trannies. Big arms, tight clothes and mannish faces. Beep beep! Here comes Terry the Tranny Truck and the Good Time Cabin krew!
I really wish I had the balls to deface ads on the subway. Im too good. Every day there are three or four ads I would want to draw moustaches on the models, dinks on the sports stars, and “Oh GROW UP!” across gay circuit party posters. I was jammed up against an ad today that just made me confused. It was so pixilated that if I were to create an ad like that at my last or current job, Id be fired on the spot. How did it get there? Who said “Yeah that looks ok, I guess” Goddamn that “graphic artist” is walking around with a cheque in his/her pocket and Im eating KD!! Fucker! Here is Evil Panda’s List:
• Current CD in player: Made in the USA:Pizzicato 5
• Current book beside toilet: Lying liars…:Al Franken
• Current Game in PS2: no PS2. In the PC it’s Neverwinter Nights
• Current favorite cat: Lucifer (Mom’s kitty)
• Current Gameboy Game: n/a I do play Breakout alot on my phone, tho
• Current Fave food: Eggplant Parmesan from the little Italian Trattoria down the street
• Current time I find myself cursing myself for not going to bed sooner: 12:30 a.m.
• Current gauge: n/a
• Current voltage: low
Evil Panda is a good cyber friend whom I met real time last winter for the first time after meeting him on a web board years ago (he brought his boyfriend, relax). Hes ex-Navy. Sexy. I want him to come up to Canada (again) and bartend at the Eagle for a weekend. He would get laid big time. He loves Egyptian history and is always calling me Mummy. Okay that was a bad one. Im groping here.
Cat Hoark
I got some news yesterday on a thing that I cant talk about yet Im bursting to blab. I want it so bad its palitable. It would raise my spirits and make me settled and quite possibly let me sleep more than 7 hrs a night. Oh and challenge me personally and emotionally. I will reveal more later.
So Im stumbling around in the dark before bed and I fully completely stepped in cat hoark. It was still warm. It looked like grey ground beef that had been boiled and rolled across the kitchen floor. You can well imagine I was gagging.
Email from Mike: (I’m posting it here, succesfully stealing content from his blog)
• Current CD: I – Supreme Beings of Leisure
• Current book beside toilet: Best American Short Stories 2000
• Current Game in PS2: Vice City
• Current favorite cat: I love them both DUH!!!!
• Current Gameboy Game: Ben Tover and the Ass Bandits
• Current Fave food: cheese & mayo sammiches
• Current time I find myself cursing myself for not going to bed sooner: 1A.M. PACIFIC STANDARD TIME
• Current gauge: 38w
• Current voltage: very high indeed
Urban Myth or just a rumour? Customer at the bar told me how a really drunk friend of his called him at 3am a while back to tell him that he found false teeth on the floor of the Eagle (the bar I work at). Im oddly thrilled.
Yours?
Things I wanna say:
• Current CD in player: Eye Spy (theme music to Aeon Flux)
• Current book beside toilet: Understanding Movies
• Current Game in PS2: Vice City
• Current favorite cat: I cant decide. I love them both
• Current Gameboy Game: Advance Wars 2. I hate that fucking game. Im addicted
• Current Fave food: burgers on the BBQ (not much time left!!)
• Current time I find myself cursing myself for not going to bed sooner: 3am
• Current gauge: 8
• Current voltage: 220
What are yours?
I totally forgot what I was going to write about today. Thought Id just share.
Sexy Homeless Guy Update: On the streetcar with my roommate the other day. He caught me looking at the homeless guy and said “Yeah I’d go get him a coffee and a McDonalds Apple Pie too”. Which weirds me out because I was suppose to be the only guy who could like him.
Pussylag 17
I was on the subway the other day and I caught a glimpse of myself in the window and I thought “Holy Christ, I dress like a 12 yr old boy!” I was wearing a pair of CAT hightops, white socks peeking out up over top, a pair of black Tough Duck work pants, and a white t-shirt with a sketch of a robot in black and white. I thought about this for a moment and wondered what I would look like if I was watched by a hidden camera like on “What Not To Wear” and have it played back for me. Then I began to wonder just what kind of collective damage a show like that does. Making all of us—humanity, exceedingly self concious about what we as a people look like. I took that thought to the extreme of people dressing exactly alike and not doing anything out of the status quo. Then I thought…I dont really care what people think of the way I dress…I generally think today’s fashions look like some poor Nike-slave sewed up some jeans, sat in bleach and rolled around in mud for the benefit of Missy and Madonna. If you want worn jeans, why not go to Goodwill? Am I getting old and bitter? Anyway. Im not about to go out and buy new clothes. I like my robot t-shirts.
My cat nearly escaped my back yard gulag, or Pussylag 17 as Mike calls it. She discovered how to climb a bush. Of course the fat sister, Lady Penelope could only meow in encouragement: “Meow! Go! Go get help!!” God I love my girls.
I Miss Mike
The Olsen Twins will be able to do porn legally soon… I cant wait till those whores are on Playboy.
Speaking of whores, I miss Mike… I keep on finding his pic on alt.bears.binaries.whack.off.pics.bears.did.I.mention.bears?moderated. Yeah I cruise newsgroups. Thats so ’94. I digress…Mike did these pics a few years back for a photographer’s site…someone raided it I guess or he released them himself. Who can say? Again…Im rambling. The point is I feel weird finding these pics when Im cruising for porn. Its an ego boost (I slept with that!) and a Jealous Italian curse at the same time. When we were together, i was always jealous of him. He had the personality and the charm and he would attract the guys around him like flies around a dirty Le Chateau bolero jacket covered in marinated steak blood. You get the picture…He was the happy open one in our relationship. I miss his laughter. I could make him laugh easy…which I loved about him. I could pick my nose and he would laugh. I think our relationship was based on humour: we met by me posting an idiot pic on my chat profile…wait…I’ll get it…Here it is…me in a dress goofing like an idiot in front of a Hello Kitty doll. I was the only pic like that in gay.com’s bear room. He messaged me instantly. I wont go into the details of our break up and weird reconnection but we’re in this greyzone relationship thing where I may or may not be moving out to Vancouver next year. We’re meeting up in Calgary next month. I cant wait. Like I said, he made me happy when he was laughing.
My Zuggarat
Bad day on the moon… Work sucks. Every time it seems like the bar is getting popular or is rocking and everyone is happy, someone or something comes along and tears that happygolucky feeling down. Today’s little roadbump of dissapointment was the insurance company dropping our policy due to an accident a couple months back. I feel somewhat involved because the accident was on my watch and the insurance company used the website I maintain for the bar as an excuse to cancel the policy. Now, I know it’s not my fault. There were similar “crisco arm wrestling” contests all last year before I showed up to do promo for the bar, so it was just a matter of time before something like a broken arm was going to happen on stage. Sheesh. And the website didn’t have anything explicit on it other than a few S/M demos with a slave tied up. Oh and the odd cock with marbles stuff into it, but other than that…nothing extremely dangerous like other bars that do stuff like mud wrestling or arm wrestling. I just feel like my work has been twisted around to nail the bar. So I do feel a bit responsible. You know? There are other rumours about why this is all happening (typical Gay Village chatter that accompanies bad news…just making it blow up to EXTREMELY bad news) and some of the staff are crying “discrimination against the leather community!” before all this can be sorted out by lawyers. Crap…this whole thing is pretty hard to explain as I only know what I was told to do…take down the bar’s website. my baby! My reason for getting up in the morning! My extra skim milk in my earl grey tea…my zuggarat!
If I look at this positively, I can say I now have a month to redesign the site. Sheesh.
The Streetcar is Boring
So the power thing…yeah… Lots of inconvenienced people. Not me. It was business as usual. It was cool to see the dead street cars placed every two blocks, sort of reminded me of that Canadian move “Last Night”.
So about this homeless guy I have the hots for:
I ride the streetcar pretty much every day and I pass by a temp hard labour agency on Queen and Sherbourne. He’s there as early as 8am to 10am-ish. He’s just over 6ft, with a sandy blond goatee. He always wears jeans (which fit well), has a napsack and a baseball cap. Some days he sits, some he’s standing leaning against a storefront doorway, his crotch nicely buntched up. He’s rough. But a good rough. I find this whole thing weird…I wonder what it would be like to find out someone likes me from afar. Id probably be all shy and withdrawn and shit. One day I got enough balls to cycle by him and he didnt even notice…no suprise there. Ive made up an entire imaginary home life for him and tacked on this bizzare bi male fantasy where he experiments with me. What can I say? The streetcar is boring.
“Later we’ll all be like this”
I spent the most part of my day trying to get rid of that blasted msblast.exe virus off the work computer. Oddly enough it was Norton Antivirus that wouldn’t let me delete the file off the computer. Weird. It makes me wonder what kind of stupid fat fuck thinks its cool to make a destructive program and release it into the world. Man’s fate to destroy itself, I guess.
I had a good chat with the owner of North Bound Leather. I was impressed with his attitude and manner. No wonder he has one of the best leather stores in North America. We mostly gossiped about the leather community and how it needs to be more cohesive now that big circuit parties are on the down slide. I so want to work in his office…at the end of the meeting, his secretary came in and said “they” needed the 2001 receipts. She looks at me and makes a face: “We’re being audited.” “Oh,” I said. “Yeah,” she says, “Later we’ll all be like this.” and bends over to show me her ass. Classy leather shop!
Tomorrow I will talk about the secret love I have for a homeless guy…
11:42PM
I forgot…I wanted to add my favorite sexual innuendo lines from Star Wars:
“You came in that thing? You’re braver than I thought!”- Princess Lea
“You’re all clear kid, now let’s blow this thing and go home!”- Han Solo
“Look at the size of that thing!”- Wedge
Dreadful
The Mr Toolbox Bear contest was so dreadful I left half way through. The microphone was hooked up to a crappy speaker and combined with the M/C’s accent I couldnt understand a word he was saying. And Hamilton Terry was there.
Let me qualify some things here: I work in a leather bar doing promotions/website/ads and I have limited contact with customers (not as much as the bartenders). For the most part I like our clientelle but as always in group dynamics, theres always someone who rubs your fur the wrong way. Terry is one of them. I find him annoying. He opens his mouth and its all I can do to keep myself from walking away or yelling at him to shut up. You know the type… it doesnt matter how nice they are to you or how shitty they are…their personality is your nemesis-personality. Your anti-matter personality. Thankfully he lives in Hamilton so he’s not in often. Anyway he was there last night talking all the way through the first part of the contest while I was trying to listen to what was being said on stage, which was a chore due to their crappy p.a. system.
I guess I was expecting more from the night. I got nothing. I had a dream this morning that I was back at my first job out of Media school. But I was so ignored/forgotten that I could walk into any boardroom and sit in on things without anyone questioning my presence. I went back to my desk and found it a dumping ground for old computers, manuals, my cubicle fodder, and…insult to injury…my chair was gone. At that point, OldGrannyShakes, the lady in the office who would complain about everything came up to my cube and told me to avoid the Ham. She felt sick since lunch. Which was weird because we didnt have a cafeteria. Then Lady Penelope woke me.