…at the Fashion Cares Press Conference with Jann Arden and Pamela Anderson:

Jann Arden: “I’m really not known for anything except, of course, my sex tape that came out a couple of …”

Pamela Anderson: “–Yeah, everyone’s got one.”

Jann: “Yeah, but mine … I was just alone,”

Later, when asked if she’s seen a Bollywood movie, Ms Anderson said: “…when I got here I was like … you spelled Hollywood wrong. What’s Bollywood?”

I love her!

Uploaded a couple new “City As Blog” pics. Hope you enjoy.

Mr Daryl Vocat, a regular reader of my iPod rants sends me this email of self-abuse and self-promotion. Seems like he’s one busy artfag! Go see!

Here’s a bit of a reminder of some upcoming art shows. I’m sure many of
you are involved in some way, so come on and hang out!

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Queer in the Headlights, Curated by Karen Chapelle
Runs June 7-July 7, Part of the Toronto Pride Art Walk
Reception: Friday, June 17, 7PM
9:30PM Trash & Ready, Hunter Valentine and Will Munro DJ

NOW Lounge
189 Church St.
416-364-1301

Monday-Friday- 9am-6pm
June 18/19 and June25/26 – 1-6pm
Call or visit www.nowlounge.com for more details.
Opening June 17th- 7-9pm followed by entertainment 9pm till close.

This show spotlights some of Toronto’s hottest new and established artists, providing a snapshot of the range of difference that makes Toronto’s queer community so rich and unique. Working in various mediums – from needlepoint to erotic photographs – the exhibit puts an edgy spin on queer aesthetics.

Artists include: Daryl Vocat, Lynne Fernie, Wendy Coburn, David Hawe, Andy Fabo, Andrew Harwood, Dianne Davis, Tracey Day, Fernanda Faria, Melissa Levin, Cecilia Berkovic, Ian Fraser, James Blake, GB Jones, David Findlay, Carol Camper, Will Munro

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Making History

125 King St. East, (King and Church)
June 16-June 30

Reception: Thurs, June 16 7-10PM

Artists include: Barbara Balfour, Luis Jacob, Andrew Harwood, Alec Butler, Will Munro, Scott Treleaven, Paige Gratland, Joel Gibb, Dana Baitz, Melissa Levin, Nancy Nicol, John Greyson, RM Vaughan, Roy Mitchell and Eugenio Salas, Johannes Zits, Ed Pien, Daryl Vocat, Allyson Mitchell,
Lise Beaudry, Andy Fabo, and Deanna Bowen

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Imaging A Lovers Discourse

-UPPITY QUEERS READING SERIES
Thursday June 16th 8-10pm
Suggested Donation $5

The following authors will be reading:
Sky Gilbert, Zoe Whittall, RM Vaughan, Drew Rowsome, Mariko Tamaki, Troy Yorke, Alex Rowlson

-SILENT AUCTION
Thursday, June 23 9-12pm

Artists have been asked to create works based on the book A Lover’s Discourse by Roland Barthes. All works will be sold through a silent auction with all proceeds going to Glad Day. The donated work will be on exhibition from June 9th to June 23rd. The auction will be a cash and
carry event on the 23rd. During the auction live music will be provided by DJ TK and Barbrafisch

Some of the participating artists include: Florencia Berinstein, Rob Davidovitz, Patrick de Coste, Paige Gratland, David Grenier, Lauren Hall, Luis Jacob, Stephanie Rogerson, Sholem, Lex Vaughn, Daryl Vocat, and Andrea Winkler

Toronto Free Gallery
660 Queen Street East
Toronto, On M4E 2J8
Tel. 416-913-0461
Fax 416-915-7055
www.torontofreegallery.org

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And don’t forget, the following show is still up! If you haven’t seen it yet, the trek is worth it. There is a tonne of stuff to do at Harbourfront and the work in the show is great.

Modern Day Myths
Opening Reception: Thursday, May 19. 7-9 PM
May 20 – July 1

A group exhibition by members of Open Studio –Open Studio artist members exhibit prints exploring myths that speak both to primitive tradition and the modern day. Toronto participating artists: Tara Cooper, Elizabeth Forrest, Doug Guildford, Libby Hague,Lisa Levitt, Liliana Rodriguez, Lotti Thomas, and Daryl Vocat. Presented in collaboration with Open
Studio.

York Quay Centre, Harbourfront Centre
235 Queens Quay West
Toronto, ON.

I absolutely hate forgeting something at home. These days I’m going to the gym, stopping at Sharkboy’s and dropping off freelance work so the chances are pretty good that I will forget something really important back at home.

This morning I walked right up to the Subway gates and realized that I had paid the streetcar driver what should have been $2.50 but instead I had thrown into his box a twoonie and two subway tokens. No biggie. I’ll just go ’round the corner to the bank and get some money…

Wallet. Not. In. Pocket.

In my minds eye, I can see my wallet hopping up and down on my night table saying “Hey! Wait for me!”

Penniless, I had to hoof it over to Sharkboy’s office and sweat profusely in front of his co-workers as he gave me a twenty.

From the overly cautious minds of Toronto City Hall comes:

23 Division – Gun Play No Way
Event Date: Saturday, 25. June 2005

Description: The objective of this campaign is to encourage non-violent youth play in the community. Any child can bring in their toy guns in exchange for a variety of non-violent toys.
All Toronto Police Divisions will be participating in this event.
No. 23 Division will be holding their event at the Albion Centre, located at 1530 Albion Road.

I can understand where the city of Toronto is coming from with this campaign, but the TV commercial opens up with a child handing over his rather large Super Soaker, implying that water gun play leads to popping a cap into a punk’s ass outside some North York night club. That bulbous brightly coloured “gun” is now bad, ok? Hand it over, playa, and get your free pizza and pop.

Now, I would never give a child under 10 a “realistic” gun as a toy. Even after that age, I’d give them a stern serious talking to regarding the responsibility of gun use. But a frigging water gun? Toronto Police are sapping the life out of “fun”. Are we raising our children to be listless, over-coddled, flower arranging wusses? “What’s the matter, boobila? You hot? Here’s a styrofoam cup, half full of water so you can’t drown yourself. Go splash your friend. But dont use it as a weapon, ok? And make sure it’s filtered water! AND DON’T AIM FOR HIS EYES!!” To quote Foghorn Leghorn: “That kid ain’t right.”

Here’s where I mention that responsible parents teach their kids to respect guns and life, and who knows, that might even lead kids into a life of crime prevention.

Really, I wonder what overly leftist granola chomping earth child thought this one up and sold it to the cops.

I love a good robot bezerker story. And the irony is that this happened in a hospital.

Even further on the irony scale is that the original story comes from The San Fran Chronicle and the permalink goes to a page about Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Me: Did you remember your shoes?

Sharkboy: Yup.

Me: Your towel?

Sharkboy: Yup.

Me: Did you remember your lock?

Sharkboy: Yup!

Me: How about your monkey?

Sharkboy: Oh geeze. Forgot that. But I do have a gorilla.

Me: (sputtering) Are you implying… Are you saying I’m… (pause) Well that makes you Jane Goodall! You have mousey blonde hair! You have mousey blonde hair! You have mousey blonde hair!

Sharkboy: Jane Goodall does chimps. Not gorillas.

Me: (unable to remember Dian Fossey’s name) Uh. Okay. You’re Sigourney Weaver at the tail end of her respectful career! You’re Sigourney Weaver at the tail end of her respectful career! You’re Sigourney Weaver at the tail end of her respectful career!

It’s kind of typical that Sharkboy and I zipped up to The Point for one night to see how long it would take to put up his new Columbia Cheeta-class tent, yet not take any pictures of it!

Anyhoo. Pics are up from the 24hrs of intense camping stupidity.

Why are people afraid of change?

I dont mean the “stand in front of a tank, waving your arms wildly as the world watches” kind of change. I mean the coinage in your pocket kind of change.

Tonight is laundry night. I forgot to go to the bank at lunch to “legally” get change. That is, to get change without guilt, attitude or question. So armed with a twenty, I had to scour the neighbourhood to get some laundry machine fodder.

The first place I came across was Dominion up by where I work. I ask the Service Desk drone politely if she could break a $20. “A roll of quarters and ten ones if you have it.”

“Loonies come in $25 rolls,” she tells me.

“You dont have any loose?” Nope.

I take the roll of quarters optimistically and head to Lawrence subway station.

I hand over the ten I now have. “Can I get some change?” I ask the goof in the booth. He’s fat. And short. Perched high on a barstool like chair so that his nipples are just level with the counter. Without comment he’s tossing me quarters, a couple loonies (yay!) and a twonie and a fiver. As this barrage of change is coming at me, I try to push the quarters back in and say, “Can I get like, $5 in loonies?”

He says nothing. I take the singles and leave the rest. “Can I get all loonies for this?” I ask again.

Arms crossed. Looking at the change. Looks up at me and without a word of a lie, a look of disgust comes across his face, like I’ve just asked if I could poop on his chest while he sings Britney Spears. “No,” he says.

I angrily take all the change and deliberaly drop a token into the slot. There! Take that you rude fuck!

I hoof it to Lawblaws by my apartment. It’s not the most stellar store. The produce is never fresh, there’s always a spill in some isle and the last time I went there, the checkout guy stayed on his cell trying to iron out the drunken haze that was his weekend. The phone never left his face as he swiped my purchases. Not even a thank you. You get my drift…the place sucks for customer service. I am not hopefull. I am downright dejected and ready for defeat. In my head I start to cut back on my laundry.

While I waited for the Service Desk drone, I avoided the stares of all the people in line for the 1-8 items line who all gave me dissaproving looks as if I was trying to jump the line. I wondered when asking for change became such a guilt ridden activity.

The drone arrives and I ask, waving a fiver, “Can I get five singles?”

“Singles?”

I had just broke some Canadian law by not saying ‘Loonies’. “Loonies,” I clarify.

“For…?” he leads.

“For this $5?”

Oh! his face says. And promptly gets me some change. Irony.

“You guys mind if I throw some water on the rocks?”

Its 8am in the Y’s sauna. Dry sauna I might add. This guy is standing right in front of a sign that says “Please refrain from putting water on the rocks/elements.”

“Uh, there’s a sign behind you…” Sharkboy points out.

I start in with: “I use to work in a gym and we’d have to replace the elements monthly because of guys like–”

“Ok! Ok! No problem!” he capitulates. His buddy enters and they stand by the rocks as if they were guests at a 50’s cocktail party sans martinis and clothes (well I am sure there were nude cocktail parties back then… I digress). “No water,” he informs his friend. “Hey remember Robin? Big guy? This is going back 8 years or so, back when the sauna was like over here, remember? One time he and I were in here and we put so much water on the rocks that it started to spark and smoke was pouring out of it and there was a flame! The alarm didn’t go off though.”

So this guy makes a habit of breaking gym property? He continues:

“There was one time at a hotel in Whistler when 40 of us were at a conference and we were drinking and we started to throw our glasses into the fire and the liquor started smoking hard and we set off the alarm BEEP BEEP BEEP! And everyone left and I had to plead with the management not to kick us out.”

Good times, eh buddy? What the fuck? This guy was almost bragging about burning down a gym and a hotel. At least he had the decency to ask us if he could go ahead and burn our gym down first. Since Sharkboy and I are nude and really uncomfortable with this pyro bragging on his burnitalldown stories, we make our exit. I am sure that after we left he tossed water on the rocks. He had a soaked towel with him on the ready.

Yes I told the staff. No, they couldn’t do anything.