Okay kids, two low grade, hasbeen celebs just blipped on my radar, coming in fast from Hollywood Rag.

Carrot Top proves that steroids aren’t just for baseball players. His face looks eerily similar to Tim Allen’s… Mommy! Where are that man’s eyebrows!?!

Jack Osborne has shed some weight. He’s mugging here and still has a respectable amount of pudge, but in this photo, (via enter the chapel), he’s lookin LA rockstar hot.

Alhurrrk…

I’m sorry. I am still mesmerized by that low pants shot of Carrot Top.

Simple. Don’t let the blob guy get your cursor. (via Ghost of a Flea)

I am agog at this cleverly produced online talk show. Shot entirely on Halo game servers (similar to The Busdriver’s favorite Red Vs Blue) the interviewer, Damian Lacedaemien, tries to find secluded areas to conduct the show but unsuspecting newbies still manage to wander through, armed to the teeth. The first episode has an amazingly intelligent interview with Bob Stein, creator of Laurie Anderson’s interactive CD Puppet Motel as they shoot their way through a beach bunker. “You can’t shoot Bob Stein! He’s above violence!” “Oh… Oh no I’m not!” BRATATATAT~!

I highly reccommend it.

(via BoingBoing)

My initial reaction to MLT’s eleventieth Ball was one of “same ol’ same old” but after a few drinks I did warm up to it.

For the last few Leatherballs (tee hee!) at the Opera House, they’ve been moving the DJ around to different places within the venue which changes things up a tad but Saturday’s dance had the DJ on the stage. He was under an impressive well lit scaffolding with demos and go go boys as accoutrements, but this set up was a bit “pushy” since there was some distortion on a few tracks. New equipment? Was it the acoustics? Who can say. The music was good and a couple tracks had me bopping.

I love the Opera House. It’s a personal space and much more interesting/intimate than The Guvernment. Unfortunately the sound does seem to bounce around like the tweeking child that insisted on dancing (?) beside me (on me?) for the better part of the evening. Which brings me to…

When we got there, we shuffled to our favorite spot, dead centre of the middle tier. From there you can see everyone coming and going to the dance floor. Unfortunately about 8 guys were already there and their E had kicked in a bit too early, making them jostle around and touch each other like tactile zombies. One complained that he probably didn’t time it right and he was going to crash about 6am. Wow. Too bad. We had a few drinks by that time so I can’t preach about drug use within the gay community, but I can say (again) that I don’t understand the whole drug culture thing. If I start kissing you, am I kissing you because you want to or that some chemical tells you to? I’d rather kiss a toaster and have the certainty.

We left fairly early, just around 1am. In all, I would give it a C.

It took me about three viewings of Bromwell High (Uk site and Canada’s site)to actually ‘get’ it. If you’re not a fan of TV Flash animation, thick British accents or oddly drawn characters, then give this one a pass. Still with me? Good. Watch a couple and you will be treated to lines like:

“It is true that the Headmaster and I have lots in common: an enjoyment of food, gardening, docking…”

Yeah. Docking mentioned on a cartoon on TV. (If your name is Jim and you are from Boston and you don’t know what “docking” is, do a Google search with the safeties off) You can see why I like it.

I think my favorite character is Keisha. She’s Brash. Bullying. Ignorant. The kind of person you’d want at your back in a schoolyard fight. Her choppy Jamaican speech patterns are almost lyrical, shattered when she utters “motha fukka”. Everyone is her target and no one is spared.

Some would find it rather offensive but with such a large cast it enables them to make fun of pretty much every culture imaginable (including Gypsies!) under the “no one is safe” rules of comedy. It’s just a step past the line of “good taste in adult cartoons” that The Oblongs drew a few years back.

Stick with a couple episodes and you’ll get hooked. It’s on at 9:30 and 11:30 Mon-Thurs on Teletoon.

In a word: Weak. Spread out venues and lack of advertising beyond Xtra ads and the banners up on the street poles lead to a watered down day. The fact that The Black Eagle, the only leather bar in Toronto, didn’t utilized their storefront speaks volumes.

Currently there is a divide going on within the Leather community, all vying for your leather cash: Folsom Fair North, official holders of the Canadian name of the popular American fair, and The Church Street Business Improvement Association who hold the power to shut down Church street from Isabella to Alexander, with their own Church Street Fetish Fair. These two events are slated a couple weeks apart which makes me wonder if Toronto will experience some sort of fetish-fatigue.

While FFN has the organization and polish, the BIA has the strength of venue. Rumor has it that these two groups are unwilling to combine and so they both remain seperate and weak. Imagine if the FFN boys had the area of Church Street to put on their party. Throw in the co-operation of MLT and Spearhead and that would be a weekend that would be proud enough to sell internationally. Sadly, they can’t come together due to some pissing contest that happened behind the scenes. The ironic part is that the leather community, when commenting on itself, always mention comradery and inclusiveness in leather.

I did notice that both events had pretty much the same volunteers and same merchants, so that is a start. Which leads me back to the fatigue issue again. Nothing new was offered (other than the demos going on in Kawartha Park) that was already displayed at FFN so CSFF lost out on that.

In all, I’d give the day a C-

I realize that the last couple of entries made me sound like a bitter old queen so I am going to give you a post that is breezy and fun:

• Sharkboy cannot for the life of him hum the “Wicked Witch of the West” theme. Not even close. You know the flurry of strings whenever we saw the witch from Wizard Of Oz on her bike or broom? Whenever we see a person on an old fashioned bike, he always goes “dadoot dadoota doo doo” when we all know its “doo ta doo ta doo doo”

• Once, my Mum dumped applesauce on the heads of three of the five kids in our family for saying “peep!” at the dinner table.

• My ice cream maker works. Very well.

• Happy birthday brother Mike!

• Old Audio Dude’s son is already into Japanese anime toys. I may weep!

• Speaking of brothers: When I was a kid I discovered that air occupies my tear ducts most of the time and I could make my eyes squeak quite loudly. I discovered this one night, back when I use to share a room with two older brothers. Think of it… a dark room with a pre-teen and two teens. Squeak! Squeak! Squeak! I had no clue that I making a noise that resembled self-love, I was mezmerized by the sound. Old Audio Dude finally broke the tension by yelling “STOP JERKING OFF!” After we sorted out that it was my eye making that noise, they had to tell me what “jerking off” meant.

• 7 Days to Labour Day Weekend Camping.

• 77 Days to my first Caribbean Cruise.

• GET WELL SOON SYLVIE! I know she doesn’t read this but I am super jazzed that she’s ok!

Wasn’t the weather great today?

…here this weekend! Bless Sharkboy and his insider tickets!

So long Bitches!

It looks like Paris Hilton is going to be around for a while. Dang.

Sharkboy startled me this weekend by actually looking into buying a cell phone. The man who exhibits great glee in yelling “PENIS!” really loud when we walk past an obnoxious cell phone user. I would have thought he would see them as a digital leash of sorts but he seems cool with it. Now I will be able to text message him little cute love notes and goofy pictures of my corn chip toenails while he’s at work.

The sum of internet technology, right there folks. Corn chip toenail pics.

“It’s Punjab day here today. I’d rather be here this weekend than next. It’s Eye-tal-ea-yan weekend next weekend and they just cover the park”

We’re waiting in line for the rides to open at Canada’s Wonderland and the red-bearded daddy ahead of us is orating to his friends and various kids hanging off his Orange County Chopper t-shirt about how the park is going to fill up with… undesireables? Before I can force my eyebrows down (I hate it when people say “eye-tal-eans”) the guards opened the chain and the crowd surges forward and we take off towards “The Eyetalian Job” ride, like Honest Ed shoppers at a 2 for 1 sale.

After running in the wrong direction (like morons we went towards where the ride wasn’t, but in our defence, the crude “map”, drawn by crayon-weilding monkeys used for LSD experiments back in the 70s, shows the ride somewhere near the south west corner), we arrive to find the ride broken so we kept on running to The Mine Buster, Canada’s largest wooden roller coaster.

I still have the bruises.

This ride really needs to be retired. Staff at CW calls it “The Great Canadian Back Buster” for good reason. It has no rubber wheels like the newer rides. Steel on rail. I think I rattled out a molar. Sharkboy lost his favorite Bear hat, even after schooling me in hat retention saftey. First corner: Voop! Gone over the side.

I am sure we did 80% of all the “adult” rides. I refused a couple due to crazy heights or if the rider executes a tight forward revolution, a sure way to make me heave up a $14 chicken burger. Here are some highlights:

• The best waterslide is The Barracuda. If you are over 90kg/190lbs, then you bomb down the tube into the basin and then just swirl there 4 revolutions or so like a cheese-packed poo rotating down the lav. Plork! Into the drain and out into the Lazy River. A+ ride!

• The worst water slide is the…well I dont remember the name. You’re in a raft and you basically just go straight down a bumpy slide. Fast and wet, like all good water rides should be, sure, but within seconds its over. And if you’re big, you are going to go down backward. Too short for the wait.

• Spongebob in 3D is best watched acting more hyper than any child within the theatre.

• The Italian Job was my first linear induction ride. Halfway through the ride you’re treated to a cheesy flame and plastic helecopter effect but you’re still reeling after the first kicking accelleration. Zero to 96.56064 kph in a few yards. Since the cars are about as big as The Fly, they took extremely sharp turns at high speeds. It was worth the 30 min wait.

• Speaking of The Fly, that coaster rocks. The guy in front of us was riding with his 9yr old and turned to us when it was over and said “Looking up at it, it don’t look like nuttin’!” And I agree.

• A 13 yr old girl high on endorphines is the true definition of “comedy”. She introduced her entire posse so rapid fire I wasn’t even sure she was talking to me as I’m fudging with the straps. Moments later the ride flips us into the air. She’d been riding The Sledgehammer 9 times in a row. The last I see of her, she’s running like Steve Austin back towards the ride’s entrance.

• Best cruising spot: Kidzville. Don’t tsk or phoo phoo me. There were millions of DDKs there (That’s code for “Daddy Don’t Know (he’s hot)”) all of them sitting back watching their wives watching over their spawn in kiddie rides while checking out other hot moms. Incredible.

The next day, we wandered down to The Canadian National Exhibition. I wrote about it last year and I can add these things about it:

1) The men are hotter there than at Wonderland. I suspect it’s because the men there are rougher due to their income and therefore, sexier. At Wonderland, there were hoards of stupid white guy faux-rappers from Scarberia, as opposed to the real rappers of all sorts at The CNE. However, there were more “Bla Bla Chopper” t-shirts at Wonderland than at the CNE.

2) The CNE has tons more interesting things to photograph. I didn’t see one costumed character at Wonderland and tons at The CNE. Plus there were cows you could pose with. Real ones. Due to a glitch in my camera (it got a bit wet) I couldn’t take any pictures with it.

3) Human cannonballs rock. Much more interesting than a high wire act. Less time wanting to see the guy fail made for more relaxed bowels.

4) $2.50 for 500ml of Diet Coke is criminal. I thought the Ex was suppose to be about “deals”? I did pick up an unused DVD of Vincent Price’s The Last Man On Earth.

5) Still would not get on one of those rides if they were the last on earth. Everything on every ride was shaking. We witnessed a guy flip head first onto the ground when he lost control on one of those fun house exits. Sharkboy laughed and laughed.