American Idol. Oh you pretty things. Its disturbing to see the amount of people who swallowed the Disney pap that “following your dream will make it happen” and choked, got angy and stormed off when told the truth. Oh sure there were the collection of screechy uber-divas and hissyfit gay men in gawdawful jeans, thats why you watch the first 3 or 4 episodes, right? But one of last nights contestants tried to do a jazzy scat number to Route 66 and was pretty much all over the map musically (I have to write that one down). What was more disturbing was the look on her face when the “reality checks” (as the presenters like to call their rating boosting insults) started to come in. I really beleive she thought she did her best and yet her best was like two cats in a sack. Her face is now in the dictionary right beside the word “crestfallen”. The exit interview was even more impressive. Instead of calling the judges bleepity bleep bleepers she held back the tears and thanked them and wished the show a good season. Okay she sucked and her dress was falling off but man o man she had one strong backbone. What worries me is that they said they had close to 30K more contestants this season than last. Are we all living in a dream?

I have a secret fantasy where I audition for The Lofters and bill myself as the fat, balding gay guy over 30yrs old amongst the 20somethings. Can you imagine the audition tape? Thankfully I can and keep it in the realm of fantasy and not bring it out into the harsh light of reality. I would embarass myself and would most likely get my face on TV as filler in the section of the show that is reserved for “goofball, wacky and crazy auditions”. Now. Why cant the “wacky, goofball and embarassing” American Idol people hear themselves? Do they not have friends who love them? Would you not tell your friend that they were about to screw up royally? “Gosh Missy your voice is like velvet! Dont worry, the cat always hides under the bed when you sing Celene Dione.”

After I chased that down with My Big Fat Annoying Fiance, a Joe Schmoe rip off that makes me think that the girl who is fooling her family into believing she’s marrying a slob is a gold digger and doesnt love her family much.

I am obsessing about TV too much.