What has become of the Scotiabank Theatres lately? Since they’ve taken over the old “Paramount” theatre, it’s now become the Second Scuzziest theatre downtown (first is the Cumberland 4 where you can get electrocuted by space heaters in the isles). It use to be an “experience” to go to movies there, and I mean that in a good, non-sarcastic way. Now when I go, I steel myself for all sorts of theatre mishaps that can happen.

The big video cube precariously balancing over the corner of John and Richmond has been on the fritz since the hand-over and can barely show the 3 story tall trailers it once broadcasted, not to mention being garishly covered in the eye-bleedingly sharp Scotia red. Lately at least one escalator is off or broken. The theatre use to boast about the incline of the trip up to the lobby but with the “down” escalator constantly in repair, the descent is dizzying. Although energy-consuming, the fancy show lights that project designs in the stairwells and floor haven’t been running, making amature DJs weep as they pass by hundreds of dollars worth of unused lighting equipment. The concession staff are not the most well trained in customer service, which comes as no surprise since they’re now programmed to welcome you to a Scotiabankpropertyandenjoytheshownextplease – it’s not a friggin’ bank! Let the minimum wage staff have some fun! Meanwhile the general manners of movie-goers that frequent the Scotia has dropped to sub-Neanderthal levels. Ironically the last movie I went to there without chatting or cell phone interruptions was Cloverfield. And using the upstairs washroom has become a hazard.

What of the poor Enterprise/Klingon Bird of Prey? They haven’t been dusted in months!

With the bright and shiny AMC* opening at Dundas Square (Digital picture! Free butter flavouring! Better rewards program! Free refills on regular sized snacks! Cheaper Snacks! Comfy seats! Legroom! Better Sound!) I officially put the Scotiabank Theatres on Death Watch.

Or at least I’m not going there for a while…

* A friend of mine tells me that during the AMC’s free movie preview weekend, a verbal fight broke out between rival student factions during The Mist. While all manner of plebeian schleps come out of the woodwork when you mention “free”, I’m convinced (read: hoping) that this kind of behaviour will evaporate.