Riverdale Drama

Celebs and Media

daddyhowcouldyouAfter decades, Archie finally decides who he wants to deflower.

Veronica? Really?

I can see a future Archie comic, produced by the sinister Dark Horse publishing, where we’re sent 10 years into the future. Veronica’s dad, Mr Lodge, has suffered a massive stroke and is hanging on by life support. Archie is a scotch swilling bitter yesman, hired into Lodge Industries purely by matrimony. He’s approaching his middle age (and middle age spread) and is unable to access Mr Lodge’s vast fortune until he shuffles off this mortal coil. Jughead is a common street thug now and is hired by Archie to pillow-party Mr Lodge’s face. Pratfalls and close calls with hospital guards ensue.

Meanwhile, Veronica is a pill popping socialite with more plastic surgery scars than Mickey Rourke, schtupping Reggie in the back of his dog grooming business. She spills Archie’s plan in the throws of passion and Reggie decides to rat him out to the police, convince Veronica to divorce Archie and marry her to obtain the cash. He celebrates by going to the local gay bar.

Meanwhile, Big Ethel and Jughead, living in sin of course, devise a plan to harvest Mr Lodge’s organs for drug money once the job is done.

Midge, meanwhile, checks herself into a battered wives hostel after her last confrontation with Moose.

Meanwhile, Mayor Betty has become hardened by her lonely solitude and unrequited love of Archie, and has instructed Dilton to fire up the extremely experimental particle accelerator so they can start selling cheap energy to the rest of the state. Moose, dreaming of his glory days on the gridiron, throws one too many switches and all is thrown into a black hole.

5 thoughts on “Riverdale Drama

  1. postbear

    if i were pope, the moment comics became stale they’d be assigned to decent artists to revitalise them. archie, having been stillborn, would have been given away many times by now. can you imagine ryan north (qwantz) or dan perkins (tom tomorrow) ripping the living shit out of the archie universe?

  2. Phronk

    Veronica is hotter. That’s all that matters. He made the right choice.

    And yes, I think this is the natural way that events will transpire. The apocalyptic fate of the Archie universe has been apparent from the start.

  3. Sean

    I was kinda shocked at the choice of Veronica, too…it reeks of “Let’s do THIS thing because it’s completely contrary to logic and will generate press.” To be honest, if he chose Betty, nobody would give a toss.

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