Sip sip stir stir

You Stupid Dick

I’m stealing this from SharkBoy.

I have a new peeve. Yes! A new one, brought forward out of my periphery of hate by my husband not so long ago. He mentioned to me about people who take their time at creamer stations at cafes.

You know who they are. People who stand dead centre of the station and pour in their sugars or sweetners one at a time with copious amounts of stirring and sipping between packets.

Okay. I know you buttpussies are doing this to piss me off. If you’re utterly new to the experience of “coffee” then that’s the only time you can do this. If not, and this is at least your second or one millionth time to Tim Hortons or Starbucks or Coffee Crime, then YOU KNOW HOW MUCH TO PUT INTO YOUR COFFEE.

Grab, tear, pour, stir, lid and go. That’s all it takes. No humming to yourself, no staring off out the window as you wistfully stir your java.

If you did that in NYC or London, you would be knifed. By an old lady. I swear to god.

And what’s up with airplane food?

5 thoughts on “Sip sip stir stir

  1. Rob Stewart

    My pet peeve is people who monopolise the space at the creamer stations by chatting after they have done their business. Today I stood behind two wide-arses while they gossiped, and when I said “excuse me”, they turned around and gave me a dirty look. I barged right in between them to a chorus of “rude” and “tsk tsk”. Next time, I’ll take them down!

  2. postbear

    i read that first line as “…my periphery of hate for my husband…” and thought things were about to get juicy.

    i sometimes take my time at these stations for a few reasons (mind is elsewhere, identifying which is cinnamon and which is brown sugar can take some scrutiny, and even the variations in hole sizes on the dispensers can make me check my initial guess), but i try to pay attention to other customers. also, as one of the infirm, i have more tolerance these days for people who might have trouble moving quickly (lateral steps can be a bitch for me even now, months after surgery) or who have vision problems. you’d probably feel like crap for days if you grumbled at someone who is legally blind for taking too long identifying the cream versus the milk at shops that don’t bother to add cheap and easy braille strips to containers.

    for an exercise that might be interesting to you, go up to sunnybrook hospital one day and visit the different coffee shops there. the second cup managed to figure out that a lot of their customers are patients and made a hugely wide counter for the cream and sugar station that five or six people could easily share. the bagel place that sells coffee has a wee station, but it is an island unto itself, so people can approach at all angles. the timmy’s? one tiny square that would have two fruit flies fighting for space. bonus fun: the timmy’s is tiny in all regards and it’s unclear where to approach the clerks so traffic jams and disputes over next in line are commonplace. extra added bonus: the second cup is right beside a decent cafeteria walk-through line that sells sushi and other decent asian foods fairly cheaply and has really good pizza slices being made constantly – i’ve actually purposely bought lunch there quite a few times.

  3. Jim M

    Bravo! I don’t even stir my milk, I figure it’ll stir itself during the walk from the coffee shop up to my office.

    Now do a posting about people who stand still on escalators, people who stop on stairs to text, and people who think their bags deserve their own seat on the train while I have to stand.

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