The Numbers Game

Amy, political, Toronto, You Stupid Dick

This just in! Breaking news from the city of Toronto. We now go to Amy, an ASL talking, Dead Robot Heavy Industries Political Correspondent. Amy?

Amy! Good Gorilla!
New big gorilla! Promise to stop eating Amy’s banana! Make banana go to smaller gorillas outside gorilla nest. Make choo choo train go through ground with no banana! But why Amy not get own banana? No worry, Amy! New deal! Get rid of most big gorillas and we only love new big Gorilla. But big gorilla break law. Big gorilla could murder someone on the steps of city hall and small outside gorillas still love. Amy think small outside gorillas are dumb.

Thank you Amy.

Couple points about last night’s vote:

While the numbers weren’t really that surprising, the speed at which they did come in, was. Thank god for algorithms that can calculate averages of political wins within 8 minutes of the polls shutting.

Twitter users are 90% liberal.

What was up with Hazel’s throat-dusty rant about “the media” when asked by CP24 if she was surprised she won again? Holy back off, grandma!

While commenting on Rob Ford’s weight is as equally unfair as commenting on Smitherman’s sexual preference, one is much funner to do than the other.

Smitherman’s speech was classy, yes. But that child needs some PR training. When Daddy says “Wave”, you better fucking wave, kid.

If you want a vision of Toronto for the next four years, see the fat fuck that cameras loved last night when Flounder won: air pumping to U2’s “Its a Beautiful Day”.

I said last night in my tweets that stand up comedians and political cartoonists will be rolling in the dough for the next while.

These certainly are interesting times.

9 thoughts on “The Numbers Game

  1. Dead Robot

    Oh and Evil, there are a lot more. A hell of a lot more. Like “forgetting” his DUI in Florida when the media uncovered it (drunk, found with a joint, did community for the drunk, got off on possession). Classy!

    Toronto will never be world class until we vote in a whole Marketing team. Not some nouveau riche family (yeah, you too, Lastman) who primarily shop at Costco and Big and Tall.

  2. Dead Robot

    I suspect the Ford team inserted the Double Down to make the curious elitists chow down on them right at the exact moment they were to go vote, yet were too full to do so.

    That or Rob Ford is trying to make everyone in his image.

  3. thejtree

    That KFC’s “Double Down” arrived in Toronto slightly before Rob Ford became Mayor-Elect deserves some correlational study… the irony and the possibility of conspiracy is not lost on me. I will get to the bottom of it.

  4. Evil Panda

    Well, I know nothing about local T.O. politics, but a quick Gooling turns up this:

    “Further controversy erupted in a Toronto City Council session when Ford argued against the city spending $1.5 million on AIDS prevention programs. Ford stated that “(AIDS) is very preventable,” and that “if you are not doing needles and you are not gay, you wouldn’t get AIDS probably, that’s bottom line.” With respect to the increasing rates of women contracting the disease, Ford said; “How are women getting it? Maybe they are sleeping with bisexual men.”

    Again sparking controversy in March 2008, during a debate at City Hall, Ford said, “Those Oriental people work like dogs. They work their hearts out … that’s why they’re successful in life. … I’m telling you, Oriental people, they’re slowly taking over, because there’s no excuses for them. They’re hard, hard workers.” He drew criticism for those remarks from Mayor David Miller, budget chief Shelley Carroll and other councillors.”

    Congratz on your new racist homophobe!

  5. Geoff in TO

    Angry surburbanites who doesn’t realize that Ford is one vote out of 45 and couldn’t count his friends at city hall on one hand …

  6. Dead Robot

    Ford was never behind (heh) unfortunately.

    While there were boos at the Ford camp when Smitherman held up his son/kissed his husband during his speech, Ford won mostly because he irrationally promised cash in everyone’s pocket.

    Too many angry suburbanites blindly running towards a man offering salvation in a slaughterhouse.

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