The Top 7 Pukey-est Rides at Walt Disney World

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Most of us have an excellent inner ear. As I get older, mine is becoming overworked, like Michael J Fox in front of a Dance Central Kinect game. I’ve found that in the years that I’ve been going to Disney World (and Land), I’m becoming progressively more susceptible to wanting to vomit on certain rides. Yay! Incentive to travel with me!

So hang on kids, we’re going to spin this mother out!

7. Star Tours. I’ve felt discomfort on this ride once, only after SharkBoy mentioned that he felt REALLY sick after we rode it 3 times in a row. And it really wasn’t a motion sickness kind of ill, no it was more like “If I have to pass by that $150 statue of C3PO in the giftshop one more time and not be able to afford it, I will barf in a fanboy sadness” kind of ill. Despite that, I could have gone 4 more times. The 3D is much better than the original, but I do miss Pee Wee Herman’s little robot voice.

6. It’s A Small World. Aguh! That song! Ha! You know I had to mention it. But seriously, why is all the world represented within Florida’s ride EXCEPT FOR CANADA? That makes me sick. At least California’s ride has a Mountie wedged in between Uganda and Sweden. Seriously!

5. The Mad Tea Party Teacups Ride. The ride is simple. Your cup spins in a clockwise direction while the floor spins in a counter-clockwise direction. You’d think the opposing movement would counteract any kind of dizzying factor. No. Afterwards the need to chunder yawn is quite great. And it doesn’t help that Cosmic Ray’s deep fried goo is wafting over in the direction of the exit to the ride.

4. Mission: Space. Sure you can choose “Less Intense” or the full on experience, but you’ll not escape the fact that you’re still spinning around in a circle to recreate any level of G force. The first time I did this ride I thought I was seriously going to faint – but weirdly enough not until I was well outside the ride, walking down the long hallway to the gift shop (no expensive robots for sale this time). To take my mind off projecting my breakfast at an alarming rate, I started to sing Chris Cross’ “Sailing (Theme From Aurthur)“. Seriously, you’d think it would have some sort of opposite effect but it worked. I’ve since tried both ride variations and depending on how greasy my breakfast was that morning, the level of pukeiness varies.

3. Rockin’ Rollercoaster. Dark. Fast. Corkscrew loop de loop. Aerosmith screaming in your ear. ‘Nuff said.

2. Tower of Terror. Not so much vomity, more like “pit of your stomach visiting your throat” kind of feel. Combine the entire lead up story with the actual ride and you have a recipe for spew.  The ride is no less awesome because of this, though. Personally, this ride hits all my panic buttons more so than any other ride in WDW. To this day I will never forget the “legs getting chopped in half” scene in Damien: Omen 2.

1. Expedition Everest. Always… always… the same spot. I can pinpoint it with perfect clarity. The spot where I want to open my mouth and eject the contents of my stomach. “Where?” you say? As soon as the coaster starts into it’s backward run, as soon as we’re plunged into darkness, there is a low and long curved dip that goes down, in reverse and circular clockwise direction. When we enter into the chamber where the Yeti tears up the track a la Tibetan shadow puppetry, I literally miss the rest of the ride trying not to barf on my fellow Expeditioners. After a while the feeling goes away but it usually takes a nice calm walk through the Maharajah Jungle Trek.

Honorable Mention: Disneyland’s Roger Rabbit’s Car Toon Spin – while the ride will make you sick, the constant announcements that you should not be sitting on the railings will make you ill.

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