If My Cat

If my cat designed a spaceship:

1. The engine room would purr. And the ship would only take off at 2am and only if the runway was made out of old hardwood floor.

2. The crew’s quarters would be a massive room filled with cardboard boxes.

3. The Galley would be staffed with stewards who would proudly bring you dead birds.

4. All the portals would face the sun.

5. Weapons would be gigantic retractable claws (duh). Every so often the ship would have to stop by Jupiter for a claw sharpening.

6. The cargo hold would be full of dogs. Ha ha! Sad dogs!

7. Communications would be not by radio but by ramming the head of the ship into the neck of the persons you wanted to talk to. Repeatedly. Also, the ship would nudge your planet until you got so frustrated you communicated back.

8. Sickbay would be warm and fluffy and every bed would be big enough so you could lick your own bum.

9. The Bridge would have a $30,000 Captain’s Chair that connects them to every function of the ship. Next to the chair would be your favourite sweater. The Cat Captain would sit on the sweater.

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