Category Archives: Distractions

EVP

Distractions, Hobbies, Personal Bits

…or Electronic Voice Phenomenon, if you will. I first heard of it in William Gibson’s book “Pattern Recognition”: the lead character’s mother becomes obsessed with trying to “hear” messages from her husband who was lost during 9-11. It seems the interpretation of the soundfile is souly up to the listener, hearing what they want to hear. Pretty much like ghost writing, like my Italian Grandma use to do (she claimed to speek to a small child and wrote in the most curious handwriting when answering herself).

Right now I am all freaked out alone in my house listening to the fish tank filter, wind on the skylight and furnace whisper to me from the basement. I was looking for some reviews on White Noise (all of them saying “dont bother”) and stumbled upon www.aaevp.com. I’ve listened to their audio library and cant stop the creeping gooseflesh up and down my legs.

As a kid I was obsessed with alien abduction, Bigfoot and ghost photography. I would scour our small town’s library for all and any books on the subject and would work myself into such a frenzy that I would be sleeplessly freaked out for days. I use stare into our TV in hopes to see a spirit appear over my shoulder in the inky blackness of the idiot tube.

Right now as I type this, I am feeling that same anxiety after listening to some of the audio files on aaevp.

Its like I am a kid again and I am the only one awake in our rambling huge house in sleepy backwater Brockville. One summer night, I had churned myself into such a state after scouring over Sasquatch photos (the one of the guy in the ape suit looking back at the camera two frames before disappearing into the woods) that I was frozen to the bed listening to every bump, creak and groan the house would make. I hit the lights, got up and threw my legs over the side of the bed and looked down to the open book on the floor… open to the drawings Betty Hill had made of her alien captors, precursor to the X-Files “Greys”.

I can tell you I didnt sleep for days and that I nearly crapped the bed in fear of leaving my room to go down the long dark hallway to the loo.

Eventually I stopped looking at that stuff, loosing my faith in the otherworlds. But right now I swear to you I can hear mumbling as the fan on my CPU churns out messages from the afterlife, and I am dreading the climb down from the attic, the chores before bed and the lights out before closing my bedroom door.

GOING TO BED NOW!

Dayglo

Celebs and Media, Distractions

Trapped in the 80s I am.

I have iTunes Radio open at work. I highly recommend you use this feature and especially search out Dayglo Radio. It has “lost” remixes from the 80s that has made a tear of joy slide lazily over my cheek. Other feeds are available for you non-iTunes neanderthals.

Tired of the Holidays?

Distractions

Better late than never, I present to you my Halloween pictures for 2004. Three categories: Friends (pretty self explanitory), Great Costume (Best Lara Croft EVAH!), and What the Fuck? (the costume you know they had all of 5 minutes to throw on before going out…possibly drunk).

Enjoy!

(Ed – link long since gone… try clicking on the Gallery button, upper right)

Hammer to Fall

Celebs and Media, Distractions

If I could go back in time to meet myself in grade 9 and was allowed to only say three sentences (or some sort of limitation to the amount of info I could parley), what would I say?

Possibly something like:

Dont worry about what other people think of you, its not worth the energy.

And go see a Queen concert. Trust me on that one.

This time travel fantasy is brought on by watching Live Aid with Sharkboy this weekend. I have never seen Freddy Mercury live (other than his videos) and I am truly regretting it now. I thought his stage antics, incredibly mesmerizing overbite and high energy music stole the Wimbledon show. Queen certainly has stood the test of time over Howard Jones and Nick Kershaw.

Another cool thing about the concert was seeing the audience react to the waves of sound, like a field of wheat being blown rhythmically in the wind. The “clap-clap” to Radio Ga Ga was pretty chilling. Trez Nuremberg with all the hands moving in unison in the air.

If you had a Mullet in the 80s and/or had at least ONE suit jacket with shoulder pads (male or female) I strongly suggest purchasing this DVD. Its dirt cheap and the money is still going to the Live Aid foundation.

What’s on your mind?

Distractions, Tech

What’s that game where people try to get the minimal amount of Google results with certain words? Or is it just one word?

B2evolution (which by the way, rocks for all your independent blogger needs) provides these crazy stats. One feature is the seach string to which people come to your site. That one up there was the weirdest, resulting in one Google hit. Yay obscure me! Yet with “Cabbagetown Adrianne Clarkson” I am last of 21.

Posting the word Fauxhawks usually gets me a few hits.

Fauxhawks you say? Yes. Fauxhawks.

Who would have guessed that the word fauxhawks can garnish traffic to your fauxhawks-free site? Fauxhawks!

And there are some sick people out there: google Joan Collins Foot Fetish and I am #10. My mention of Addidas shorts and my budding fetish of man-parts peeking out from them, was an inbound link for a while. Am I really that pervy?

I should have been a statstatticcian or something er other…

Expect an interesting post soon. This is Wonderland-y.

Chat Lines

Distractions, Personal Bits, Queer stuff

Three windows open, three different conversations:

To PauLa: I miss you guys. Hows the house?

To dumb-fuck: I think dim sum is one big metaphor for life really

To scotfrot: mines a bit more involved. I would jerk off into them a couple times …then wash n wear them. I would get off on fantasizing about them doing their laundry…

I was going to qualify each conversation but I think I like them just as they are.

Freedom

Celebs and Media, Distractions

Lets tear something apart! Let’s dick with George Michael’s “Freedom 90” lyrics!

I won’t let you down
I will not give you up
Gotta have some faith in the sound
It’s the one good thing that I’ve got
I won’t let you down
So please don’t give me up
Because I would really, really love to stick around

Okay the first chunk here is pretty self explanitory. Georgie is missing the fame that came with running around with Wham. Its a pretty straight forward plea to his fans (?) that he loves them.

Heaven knows I was just a young boy
Didn’t know what I wanted to be
I was every little hungry schoolgirl’s pride and joy
And I guess it was enough for me

George! How self indulgent! You forgot to mention many snickering young gay men.

To win the race? A prettier face!
Brand new clothes and a big fat place
On your rock and roll TV
But today the way I play the game is not the same
No way
Think I’m gonna get myself happy

or …gay?

I won’t let you down
I will not give you up
Gotta have some faith in the sound
It’s the one good thing that I’ve got

Okay he’s got a point. He does have a good voice. But that little glint of boasting just turns me off.

I won’t let you down
So please don’t give me up
Because I would really, really love to stick around

Read: I need money

I think there’s something you should know
I think it’s time I told you so
There’s something deep inside of me
There’s someone else I’ve got to be

“You’re coming out of the closet? Why do they always come out to me?” –Stewie Griffin

Take back your picture in a frame
Take back your singing in the rain
I just hope you understand
Sometimes the clothes do not make the man

Frankie say…Choose Life!

All we have to do now
Is take these lies and make them true somehow

Who is living a lie here, George?

All we have to see
Is that I don’t belong to you
And you don’t belong to me
Freedom
You’ve gotta give for what you take
Freedom
You’ve gotta give for what you take

At this point we’re pretty much set that George needs to confess something.

Heaven knows we sure had some fun boy
What a kick just a buddy and me
We had every big shot good-time band on the run boy
We were living in a fantasy

And you were the prototype for Back Street Boys, Nsync etc as manufactured pop bands. Cheers!

We won the race

You ran like a girl

Got out of the place

Pfft! Riiiiiight. You got into a bitch slapping session with Sony.

I went back home got a brand new face
For the boys on MTV

You took out your hoop earrings and grew scruffy facial hair. Best thing you did all through the 90s

But today the way I play the game has got to change

How is your whole “Sony” thing going, George?

Oh yeah
Now I’m gonna get myself happy

Or… some hot gay buttsex?

I think there’s something you should know
I think it’s time I stopped the show
There’s something deep inside of me
There’s someone I forgot to be

Subconciously you’re not forgetting. Nice shoes!

Take back your picture in a frame
Don’t think that I’ll be back again
I just hope you understand
Sometimes the clothes do not make the man

Here George is asking his teenybopper fanbase to “grow up” with him. Or just grow up. Not sure.

All we have to do now
Is take these lies and make them true somehow

This is the pivitol “cry for help” lyric in the whole song. Rumours were swirling for years about his sexuality since Day One. Right up to the arrest.

All we have to see
Is that I don’t belong to you
And you don’t belong to me

I beg to differ. When you’re a celebrity you become public property. You didnt magically wake up one day with the paparazzi outside your door, so quit yer bitchin.

Freedom
You’ve gotta give for what you take
Freedom
You’ve gotta give for what you take

Okay. Sure.

Well it looks like the road to heaven
But it feels like the road to hell
When I knew which side my bread was buttered
I took the knife as well
Posing for another picture
Everybody’s got to sell
But when you shake your ass
They notice fast
And some mistakes were built to last

I am assuming (ha! ass -u- me!) that he’s refering to the butt-shake in the Faith video. He sees that as a mistake? It make him money and got him past the “pretty boy” image of Wham (yes I am being quite sarcastic, thank you.)

That’s what you get
I say that’s what you get
That’s what you get for changing your mind

Again, not sure what this means. Dont know enough of George’s history to get this one.

And after all this time
I just hope you understand
Sometimes the clothes
Do not make the man

Nope. Especially when they’re bunched up around your ankles in a washroom somewhere.

I’ll hold on to my freedom
May not be what you want from me
Just the way it’s got to be
Lose the face now
I’ve got to live

Read: Take me seriously!! (snicker)

Okay dont get me wrong, I like what he’s doing these days. he’s matured nicely and his voice has aged well (though I am not liking some of that weird LA-style facial hair scuplting), but you gotta laugh when someone you like confesses a lie and you go back and review everything they ever said with enlightenment. My friends did when I came out. They dragged me over the coals for dating Kim House, a cheerleader back in high school

I kid. I kid because I love.

New Words

Distractions

My new words list:

iPoseur: One who does not keep their iPod inside their bag, usually walking with it in their hands. Possibly thinking they’re one colour and in an Apple ad…who can say?

Googley Moogley: the point one reaches when they get frustrated with Google and can’t find what they’re looking for. Inversley, the point when they find something 1000% better than what they are looking for on Google.

Ennweee!: Personal physical discovery while bored. IE: “I thought I was bored but I found this really cool thing to do with my eyelid (or other body part)”.

Open Watership Down: Bunnies lost at sea. (Not much of a word/saying. Just thought it was funny.)

PS 2-2: Bizzare, interpretive dance-like movements while playing video games. “Billy was like all over the couch, PS 2-2ing while flying that X-Wing.”

Dumb Ones

Distractions, Toronto

Here’s another overheard Halloween conversation for you:

Girlfriend: “Im going to be a geisha!”

Boyfriend: “A gei…what is that?”

Girlfriend: “Its a Chinese whore.”

Why cant I shoot the dumb ones?