Category Archives: Distractions

Hello OnStar?

Distractions

If you’ve spent more than 20 min in a car with me then you know that it’s physically impossible for me just to “sit there” and not do anything. Our last rental car was equipped with OnStar and I SO DESPERATELY wanted to press that little blue button.

OnStar: This is OnStar, how can I be of service?
Me: Hi OnStar! Do you like what I’m wearing?

OnStar: OnStar, how may I help you?
Me: I think I’m being followed. Oh no, sorry it was a bird.

OnStar: Hello OnStar. How may I help you?
Me: (throaty, breathy) What are you wearing?

Or my favorite: Get OnStar to flash your lights (their parking lot locater service) and dance in front of the car like some bad 80s video.

“Did you find your car, Mr Robot?”
“Damn it! Keep flashing! …Dancing at the feet of the moon!!”

He’s Cute!

Distractions

Squishy!

Squishy the rat died today
A horror I can’t stop replay
So to ease the pain in my mind
I just happen to have a great new find
She’s tall, she’s thin, she’s delicate
And no my friend, she’s not a rat
Squishy is dead, Squishy has died
Squishy the orchid lives, I have not lied

–Sharkboy, 2005

Squishy 2!

Long Live Squishy!!

iSilence Day 2

Distractions, Tech, Toronto

Friday, March 4th, 6:30pm, Carlton Streetcar

Audio:
“What nigger do I know with the name Cameron with a Winnie the Pooh hat? Hold on. (fudges with his phone) Hulo? Hullo? (repeat seven times). Beet? I know no nigger with that name.” (This guy would be Andrew Sullivan’s nightmare: he was on the phone, talking simo on two lines AND had walkman ear buds with music coming out of them still in his ears as he tried to wrangle callwaiting. The conversation went on from there but as soon as he used the N word, the white people in the car got all “I’m not really listening but I AM”)

“This is Carlton. At Yonge, it turns into College. You’re going the wrong direction.”

“I cannot operate this streetcar while you are over that white line. You will have to move in or get off.”

“What does he think this is, a Democracy? Tell the asshole to get off the steps.” (of the front entrance to the streetcar)

“Just going to squeeze past your napsack there. Its a bit like country dancing.”

Visual:
Asian guy with a folding chair much like they use on WWE, trying to get on a ful streetcar.

Guy on subway who looked alot like Fabio with his leg up on the centre pole, looking alarmingly drunk.

Opinion:
This was a rough trip without my iPod. I got home hating humanity especially having to put up with this double standard racism in my ear. I dont even like using the word “fag” when referring to my friends.

Katamari Damacy

Distractions, Hobbies

If you own a PS2 I seriously recommend you get this game.

Simple premise: Your dad, the form-fitting, cat suit wearing, bulging codpiece protruding King of Cosmos has accidentally knocked all the stars from the sky (the cut scene looks like he’s soaring through space drunk and his speech pattern suggests he is, regardless of the weird translations) and has charged you, the pee wee Prince, to collect stuff from Earth so he can toss it back up into the sky as replacement for his clumsy flying.

The King of Cosmos gives you a Katamari. I tried to do a search on exactly what a katamari is (its kenji roughly translates to “clump of souls”) but the best I can come up with is it looks like a dim sum dumpling ball with nubs on it, sort of like those shaky motorized balls you use to scare the cat with. Anyway, its super sticky but can only pick things up relative to it’s size. When you start out to pick stuff up, you can only pick up things like thumbtacks or gum wrappers. As your size increases, you are able to roll over and collect more, like staplers and mice… I’ve seen screen grabs of whole buildings and ocean liners, so this game promises to be pretty sweet.

The graphics look primitive but have a certain fun/flat quality that reminds me of when I was at Sheridan College for Graphic Design, working with guache paints to create product illustrations. The game has a dusty, washed out feel, similar to finding kid’s paintings in a snowbank. However, the items to be picked up are blocky and hardly anything taxing for the graphics processor.

The soundtrack is rockin’ too. The first screen’s intro tune is a mumbly scat-like performance from a guy who sounds like he’s first runner up from an all night Karaoke/drinking contest. The in-play music could be packaged as a soundtrack CD of the best of electronica from Tokyo. I’d buy it.

In conclusion: weird game. Addictive (in a “Extreme Elimination Challenge” sort of way). I recommend!

Why I Love Sharkboy, Part the Second

Distractions, Hobbies, Toronto

Just inside the doors at every Rogers Video there is a bin of DVDs that go for $2.99 each. These bins hold such ground breaking direct-to-video classics like “Urkel – The Movie!” or “Sister Trouble 4: Death on the Amazon” or “Kriplah! The Talking Fiat from Belgrave!”

We make a game of covering our eyes and digging into this bin and pulling out a movie each, worst movie wins. Usually we have to debate who’s movie is cheesier. He always wins.

“Mine has Tom Selleck!”

“Ah, but mine was directed by Allan Smithee.”

“Damn.”

New Feature!

Distractions, Hobbies, Personal Bits, Queer stuff

I’m using “Gallery” for my photo content management now. I’ve heard good things about it and decided to give it a try. I may convert the rest of the photos to it at a later date.

Meanwhile, enjoy the photos of Sharkboy, Barbie and I, as we take on Niagara Falls!

(Ed- I’ve long since stopped using Gallery. Check out the Gallery link in the upper right)