Category Archives: Hobbies

When my butt isn’t in this chair…


Distractions, Hobbies, Personal Bits

…or Electronic Voice Phenomenon, if you will. I first heard of it in William Gibson’s book “Pattern Recognition”: the lead character’s mother becomes obsessed with trying to “hear” messages from her husband who was lost during 9-11. It seems the interpretation of the soundfile is souly up to the listener, hearing what they want to hear. Pretty much like ghost writing, like my Italian Grandma use to do (she claimed to speek to a small child and wrote in the most curious handwriting when answering herself).

Right now I am all freaked out alone in my house listening to the fish tank filter, wind on the skylight and furnace whisper to me from the basement. I was looking for some reviews on White Noise (all of them saying “dont bother”) and stumbled upon I’ve listened to their audio library and cant stop the creeping gooseflesh up and down my legs.

As a kid I was obsessed with alien abduction, Bigfoot and ghost photography. I would scour our small town’s library for all and any books on the subject and would work myself into such a frenzy that I would be sleeplessly freaked out for days. I use stare into our TV in hopes to see a spirit appear over my shoulder in the inky blackness of the idiot tube.

Right now as I type this, I am feeling that same anxiety after listening to some of the audio files on aaevp.

Its like I am a kid again and I am the only one awake in our rambling huge house in sleepy backwater Brockville. One summer night, I had churned myself into such a state after scouring over Sasquatch photos (the one of the guy in the ape suit looking back at the camera two frames before disappearing into the woods) that I was frozen to the bed listening to every bump, creak and groan the house would make. I hit the lights, got up and threw my legs over the side of the bed and looked down to the open book on the floor… open to the drawings Betty Hill had made of her alien captors, precursor to the X-Files “Greys”.

I can tell you I didnt sleep for days and that I nearly crapped the bed in fear of leaving my room to go down the long dark hallway to the loo.

Eventually I stopped looking at that stuff, loosing my faith in the otherworlds. But right now I swear to you I can hear mumbling as the fan on my CPU churns out messages from the afterlife, and I am dreading the climb down from the attic, the chores before bed and the lights out before closing my bedroom door.


The Ring

Hobbies, Personal Bits

Today I am going to get a 6g ring for my Prince Albert. Step back people.

Why did I do it? you non-PA people ask? Why have a small woman who proudly displayed drawings from her 4 yr old in her piercing room at Passages, shove a spike through the underside of the head of my dick and pay her for it? Why am I moving down the scale of rings to get to my coveted size of 2g (or possibly 0g…we shall see)?


Because I dont have a foreskin to care for. Call it surrogate penis care. Nothing beats the feeling of sex with a PA. Okay you can get the same results if you tape a washer to your dink and play with it but its the status of the jewelrey that says “I toughed it out”. I guess if you were an actor you would liken it to doing Hamlet with a marble in your mouth so you could boast that you did Hamelt with a marble in your mouth.

Its also worth the look on guys faces when you drop trow and see their reaction. Their eyes light up with shock at first and then a shadow of either lust or disgust crosses their face. Ive had a few guys turn tail when they see it or when I mention it in presex conversation. Well I guess they could be running because Im hideous or my peener is ugly but Im pretty sure that its all about the ring…

No it didnt hurt. A quick pinch sort of like a vaccination shot and it was done. Yes it bled a bit but it stopped suddenly and I was playing with it within 48hrs of having it done. No I didnt stick it into anyone’s orafice for just over 6 weeks. Yes. Yes it was worth it.

Ham, with Cheese


The first line I ever had on stage was:

“We wear no leggings because it is spring.”

I delivered it with similarly dressed fidgety actors in equally degrading outfits: a big yellow 2 ft diameter cardboard flower encompassing my face and green tights. The “flower section” stood simultaneously and addressed the audience with a flat monotone that is only found on bored “what the hell is a stage” preschoolers.

I was 32.

Actually I was 7 or something. The last time I was officially on stage was as the Cowardly Lion in grade 12. I did well, but I am certainly no singer. Ive been on stage for other things like the Eagle’s foreskin contests or tough nuts contest but that was all ad libbed and spontaneous.

I was thinking this morning that well over 1,000,000 people saw me this summer swing a flag, rub my crotch with a pink pom pom and/or completely mess up Donna Summer’s Last Dance with dual swing flags for ROTC. If any of the twirlers had told me that I’d be in front of that many people wearing the ugliest clothes ever before our first parade left the blocks, I think I would have laughed nicely and quit on the spot.

It was heaven.

Parade News


I just got all the pics off my digital cam from Pride Toronto and ROTC parades and Ive got around to optimizing the ROTC pics. I will get to the Pride ones soon.

Pride in Montreal was great. It almost made me want to go to more Pride celebrations (almost…I am not too great in crowds and drunk stoned people just make me roll my eyes). The crowd loved the routine, even the Bring it On cheer, which I thought most wouldn’t “get”.


General, Hobbies, Personal Bits

camping you say? why no thank you,
I’ve already been. pics of the labour day weekend are up and ready for your amusement. (ed – long since deleted – try the gallery upper right hand side…)

I’m also reinstating DEADROBOT for shits and giggles. a couple flash items take forever to load so be patient, they were my first try with streaming SWF stuff. dont expect any updates soon as that I dont have a 3D modeling program anymore and I dont want to reuse the only remaining renderings I have of Ix over and over again like “The Curse of the Pink Panther”. be patient. if anyone wants to give me a copy full version of 3D Studio Max, I will give them a kidney or testicle in return.

sharkboy and I did a switcheroo with iPods last week. I got him a pink mini and took back the 15G that I got for him originally. Kenny the friend went ballistic when we told him calling me a “native Canadian first nations spirited person-giver” (maybe not all those PC descriptive words, but you get the drift. Sharkboy was extremely happy with the trade so it was win/win.

man o man do I love iPods. not too sure if I can successfully operate the 4th gen click wheel yet though, sharkboy won’t let me play with his…

I, Moron

General, Hobbies

I am ready. I am ready to leave my job and live in a park and eat found food. I am ready to kick my cell phone and watch it shatter into 10000 million pieces. I am ready to rip the wires from my wireless router and shove the box down the loo. I am ready to cram my digital camera, pda, and memory sticks into the oven and hit the “self cleaning” button. I am ready to let my iPod’s battery die…and not replace it. I am ready to drop my monitor from the cn tower and see how far into the pavement it sinks into. I am ready to take my rogers digital cable box to the lake and make it swim, then try to skip the remote across the water. I am ready to take my dvd, vhs and PS2 players to regent park and throw them at random immigrants for their pleasure. I am ready to leave my watch somewhere. I am ready to magnetically lick all the cards in my wallet. I am ready to paint smiley faces on all the cctv cameras I can reach. I am ready to stuff peanut butter into all the card readers of any given atm.

can you tell I am reading Philip K Dick? particularly Flow My Tears, The Policeman Said. sooo paranoid of loss of self and identity through technology. not that I am going to do any of the above mentioned acts of techterrorism, I just grok PKD’s fears. I am more amazed that he could see this back in the 70s, long before personal computers and email.

actually I love technology. if technology is the food of life, then recharge that n-cad battery!

I just went to the washroom. apparently I put my boxers on backwards.

I, Moron.

Wile E Coyote

Celebs and Media, Hobbies, Work

Imagine you’re Wile E Coyote. Imagine youve released a boulder that you hope will destroy your arch enemy the Road Runner. Imagine it going all wrong and you are suddenly hunted by the same machinations you created. Why the fuck would you run away from it, following the same path as its course of destruction? I am not going to ramble on about cartoons here, but I do want to talk about a lost gem of a movie called The Car.

So this town is terrorized by a demon car that comes out of nowhere (great long shot at the beginning of The Car coming out of Monument Valley) that seems to kill indiscriminately and with virtol. But the silly villagers dont know enough to dodge to the left or right of the devil machine. Like Wile E. they run along the path of the oncoming juggernaut. I know Im suppose to suspend belief here (a demon CAR!!!!) but a car coming at me while Im on my bike has a good chance of missing me if I brake hard enough at the last moment. Enough about the movie’s bad suspension of disbelief, here’s the good stuff:

A young James Brolin. Like a poor man’s Burt Reynolds, but who has an ounce more ability to act. And oddly enough, slightly sexier. I guess James ego is as huge as Burts and thats attractive. That or he shouts a lot. Who can say. Attraction is a funny thing.

The Car itself. Great POV shots from iside the cab of the demon car. Nice use of red filters to give it a “Hey! Im driving remotely from Hell!” feel. I dont know what actual car The Car is modeled from but they did do a great job with the headlights. They’re like eyes! How creepy!

Best line: “Cat Poo!” Who knew you could twist your mouth that way?

The love intrest dies 2/3rds into the movie. This is rather unconventional for slasher flicks and is weirdly refreshing. However, our hero never really gets all THAT upset.

Its not your typical “Jaws-esque” kinda movie. I recommend for a night in if you’re in the mood for formage.

8pm Update: So I went to Knowcean today and met with Dita. Wiiiieeeerd. She seemed to me to be dressed like an event planner rather than a Software development Administrations type. She’s in a power suit/skirt thing with luxurious nails and smart hair…and she’s reading from a list of prepared interview questions wich made me think “Ok, we are just going through the motions here, shes got somebody else hired already.”

Then she looked through my portfolio to stop dead at the Illustration section. “Can I make a photocopy of these?” she asks. I remind her that they are property of myself and Rogers but, sure, what the hey. She’s eager to see more so I direct her to my website again. And that was it…it ended quite abruptly and she didnt ask if I had any questions. I did get to ask what the major money maker was for Knowcean and she stumbled over some explianation of a stylized Content Management system. Oh. Ok. Thanks! And I leave. As I go out, Carbon Computing called and offered me a job starting tomorrow. Arg! No days grace!? Im happy about it though. I get to keep up with technology and current software versions. Yay!

And just now someone private messaged me that his friend needs web/print work for his new bath house. Rains and pours and stuff. Wee! Free passes!


Celebs and Media, General, Hobbies, Personal Bits, Queer stuff, Robots, Toronto, Work

Hello. I’m not good at introductions. I generally do the cop out thing and say “Introduce yourselves” when I have to do 2 or more people standing about. So mumble under your breath your name and say Hi.

Okay so this is my first blog. I haven’t a real exciting life. I collect robots and I run another site called Dead Robot, which I should update much more often than I like. I’m a culture vulture and will use any excuse to watch tv or bad sci fi at any given moment. I think that’s all I’m gonna reveal right now…if you read on you will get the gist of who I am. If you click on the stuff at the side you will be dissapointed.