Category Archives: Personal Bits

Just things from my personal life

Retail Salesperson

Personal Bits, Work

Apologies for the last entry’s gramatical and spelling errors. F- from the nuns in the peanut gallery.

I am officially a retail salesperson and I promise you that I wont bore the fuck out of you with dull evil events that happen across the counter at my shop, but would like to make an observation: retail sales people officially have a stigma of being second class citizens. When you come to them, you are wary they’re going to sell you stuff you dont need, or you have a complaint and youre buggered if some two bit store monkey is going to stop you from returning the stuff youve opened and put your chocolatey fingers all over. Admittedly the informed shoppers, the ones who really do enjoy spending time getting information about their purchases and the ones who are patient when you dont have the information that theyre looking for are out there, and to them I say dont bother reading on. You can go out for recess early with a cookie. Toodles. For those of you who storm beligerently into the store, make faces when you have to wait longer than 5 mins when you shop during lunch hour, roll your eyes at a small mistakes made by trainees, dont respond when the counter help say “Thank you”, or just basically treat shop people like dirt, you all need to put your heads down on your desks and take a time out. There is usually one per shift…the one that makes your whole day dive into a neurotic tailspin by a sneering look or off handed comment about your abilities. To these people I say, politely and slowly and with as wide a smile as possible: Ass! Try it…I learned it from a Mr Leatherman Toronto Contestant who said it every time his competitor was finished speaking. You can smile pretty wide and still deliver virtol.

My discovery of this retail class system stems from a mother who had an email print out from her son who handed it to me without explanation saying “I need this”. I retrive said product and she prceeds to drill me on why she needs to buy this for her son as I am asking her for warranty information. Every question (approx 15 from “name” to “How did you hear about the store?”) was an affront to her breathing because she kept on “huff!”-ing at each question. She finished the conversation by asking “Why do I have to buy this?”

The smart ass pop up window opens in my mind “Because its Christmas, you nasty cow.” was the nicest I could come up with but I said instead something about using Apple preripherals with Apple computers contributes to their resale as well as keeps the whole “appley look and feel” consistant. She looks at me like I just said “Because its Christmas you fucking dirty stupid awful cow,” and huffs off. I feel for the child of that mom.

Inversely there are people who love the whole sales process. I know if I had finally decided to shuck out $4000 for a low end G5 I would be all happy and stuff. And these people are the best to deal with.

Okay. I promise never ever to bitch about my retail job again. I might relate weird stories but I will make sure its in keeping with this site’s mission statement. Whatever that is.

Important Meeting

Personal Bits, Work

Doncha just hate it when you spend 48hrs gearing up for an important meeting, you polish your portfolio case, relable all the stuff in your portfolio, shine your shoes and then have the whole thing fall apart? Dammit. I was suppose to go to Knowcean Software today for a possible freelance contract position, so I crossed my “i”s and dotted my “t”s and ransacked my hard drive for the latest stuff to put into my portfolio only to get to the office and discover… there’s nobody in the office! I asked on another floor if there was anyone in Knowcean, the office on the entire second floor, and they thought they had moved. Im sitting in the lobby all confused and stuff with Japanese school girls coming in and out of the building. My cell rings. “Ah ha!” I think and answer it with a smile, thinking the interviewer just gave me the wrong address. Nope. Its the retail job for the Mac re-seller calling me in for an interview later today. So not a total loss… As Im on the streetcar home, the VP of Knowcean Sales calls me and apologizes for missing me, they had to go “out of the office for an emergency” We rescheduled. What kind of emergencies are on a Friday afternoon around lunchtime, kids? Thats right! Martini emergencies! STAT!

I’ll post more after my Carbon Computing meeting…see ya!

5:30PM Dammit…In the interview, they asked me what the difference is between notebook RAM and desktop RAM as well as the difference between Rasterized and PostScript printing. I was wrong on both. Dammit! If they hire me I will be suprised. Okay thats harsh but I was not very tech-y for a computer store. I nailed the customer service end though. Im sure of that. The General Manager liked me, I think. Time will tell. Wish me luck.

Panther. Right. Cat thing…

Personal Bits, Work

Why are the holidays so wrought with anxiety when we’re suppose to be relaxing and enjoying our lives? I personaly could not care if suddenly Nazis from Dimension X suddenly pop into exsistance from a tear in our reality and jackboot themselves into power and decree that Christmas was banned. I hate Christmas. Do a search on “I hate christmas” and “blog” for me will you? You’ll see how original Im being right now but I just got to get this out right now so we can enjoy our time together. To quote Ron Schrab, “Halloween kicks Christmas’ ASS!” Call me a grinch, a humbug, whatever, I just think we apply too much emotional filters to Xmas. The wrong kind of emotions, like anxieties about money, food, activities, etc.

Three interesting leads yesterday: One was walking into Carbon Computing (on a lark) and asking if they had any seasonal work and talking to the manager. We chatted a bit and he asked if I knew OS X, to which I replied “Jaguar? Sure!”

“Panther,” he said not lifting his eys from my CV.

“Pan…oh yeah, Panther. Right. Cat thing…” I trailed off mumbling.

“Don’t worry. We do the same thing all the time around here,” he said and promised to call me later.

The second thing was I came home to a message for a job interview on Friday for a part time, contract position with someone I dont remember applying to. Ive applied to so many in the last two weeks that I only remember the ones I wildly lied to, to get an interview with. So I have to think fast when I go in. Wish me luck.

The last was the bar. I talked to the GM and we both had the exact same idea for what my role would be for the bar which was cool. Im writing up a proposal as I type this. Yup. I am.

Cleavage

Celebs and Media, Personal Bits, Work

Call time for Prom Queen was at 7:30am. I dont think Ive been up before 8am since spring 2002. It was weird to see people actually on the street. They got us into Hamilton and into background holding at 8:30 and left us there until 5:30. Seriously. I had forgotten my book and my gameboy and, for kicks, I was considering killing the owners of the greasy fry-up that was renting out their 15×15 “party” room to the production company. It would have been something. The collection of extras was your similar-to-QaF trendy hip fags in one corner, the straight boys in another and a few older types, playing friends of lawyers (one played by Scott Thompson), all sitting around absorbing the smell of stale cigarettes and bacon. They pulled half the extras into set for tight shots and left the rest of us there to listen to the owners of the restaraunt (?) tell us about how people kept on filming pornos in the back “party” room. He was going onto his third sexcapade story when I blurted out “OOOH! King of the Hill!” which thankfully came on the tv over the make-up benches. Volume up. Ten minutes into the show they called us to the set…fuck. No…not during The Bold and the Beautiful

Wardrobe was interesting. Intructions were to bring hip youthfull biz type clothes, which I have none. I brought my brushed black cotton sport coat, grey dress shirt and acid lime green tie borrowed from my roomie. The assistant wardrobe took one look and made a face that resembled your finger after being a week in water. “Oh go ahead and put that on,” she said of the tie. When the main wardrobe mistress came in I was the first person she saw coming into the room “Thats a great tie!” she exclaims. Oh movie people.

By the time they placed us on set and gave us our crossing cues I was in a much better mood. Punchy. Scott Thompson flubbed his line 5 out of 7 takes but they didnt seem to mind the order of “this brave gay teen”. I had my first instant background mime lesson in seconds. “Cantelope, watermellon” my lips feighned while my eyes were so expressive. The girl I was paired up with had a cracking great chest with a pair of lips for a zipper pull lain poetically over her cleavage. I couldnt stop looking at it. I wound up mime-talking to it at one point. She and I nearly started to laugh out loud at one point.

In all a good day if not long. I wound up getting extra cash upon extra cash for the time-overages. I wonder what I will be put on next?

My First Day Without a Job.

Personal Bits, Work

My first day without a job. I went in and cleaned out my desk and handed over the keys. It felt good. Last night was a good fun bar shift. Near the end there were 9 guys around my bar and some of them I have had sex with (and would again) and the others I would have liked to. At one point I had a guy with a huge foreskin kneeling on top of my bar, serving shooters out of it. Here’s a tip for you bar-going types: If the bartender buys you a drink, don’t tell him you find the busboy attractive. A guy did just that to me after I bought him the drink. I then put on my best liar-face and proceeded to explain that the busboy was a female to male transgender and if you didnt believe me, look at the eyes and hands. Oh, and ask him outright, he’s very very proud of being transgendered. I then stirred the pot more by going over to the busboy and saying “That guy at the end of the bar likes you…he wants to know your background.” So the busboy went over and struck up a conversation. You should have seen the guy’s eyes as he went from the busboy’s face, hands, hairy forearms, back to his face…looking for any signs of femininity. I will miss that job.

I went and saw Texas Chainsaw Massacre this evening. It was like watching a American Eagle Outfitters fashion commercial for the first 20 minutes and then BAM in walks R. Lee Ermey as the sherrif. Someone must have given him acting lessons after Full Metal Jacket because he pretty much stole the show, other than Jennifer Beal’s boobies.

My First Extra Gig

Celebs and Media, Personal Bits, Toronto, Work

I went and saw Kill Bill this afternoon. It was impressive, action-packed, stylish and clever. Your basic Tarantino film. I recommend it to all who like anime, Japanese fighting movies, 70s pulp fiction, and Uma Thermin. Lucy Liu was ok, but she only had one good scene where she looses her cool. She could have had great acting but it was replaced by an anime hommage for her character set up and development. Gotta love the camera shot through the hole in the assasinated politician at the two escorts looking back and screaming. Brilliant. The only troubling thing I think about post-really-cool-movie elation is that most of the fight scenes weren’t really original. There was the decaps, the dismembs, and even the sword-over-the-head-kill-the-guy-behind-you-before-swinging-it-down-onto-your-opponent move. I wonder how many movies will be made with these Hong Kong wirefight moves? Like the slo mo/fast action pan in The Matrix, we will probably get tired of them and move on.

I just got a call. My first extra gig is on Prom Queen. The made-for-tv story of that guy who took his male date to the prom. Exploitation upon exploitation! Just give me the cash! This should be interesting.

Re: Lowest Point

Personal Bits

I have to qualify my last entry. I got some emails asking if I was ok. Yes, thank you I am fine. I guess when I said “lowest point of my day” I meant “a negative moment” or “my least optimistic moment”. I do have to admit that I will miss working at the bar: I caught myself yesterday caring about things happening there in November. Its going to be tough, I think. I invested a lot of time and energy into that bar and I would hate to see it backpeddle or slip in sales/popularity. Then again, Im glad to be done of the personality shit. I mean really…rent a slide projector for only three slides repeated over and over again for one 4 hour period? Come on…Bye Bye Drama!

Does anyone think that Cosmo and Wanda from Fairly Odd Parents are gay? Wanda sounds pretty bulldyke.

You may commence calling me a hypocrite at any time. Today I signed up to be an extra for Queer as Folk. Oh hush you people, I dont want to hear your bitching or comments. I walked into the extra’s office today and met with Sherri, who was one of those people on automatic. Her schpiel was honed to a fine ramble, but was easy enough to interrupt for questions. Ive worked around movie industry types so she came as no suprise…always on, looked good, and nothing could knock her off the track she was barrelling down on, verbally. Halfway through her diatribe, a scraggly post-heroin kid comes in with a thick thick European accent complaining of not having any money for a phone card for his cell, hence missing his last gig. She shoos him out of the office deftly and in the same breath says: “He’s great”. In fact I think she said “He’s great” about all her flock of extras, so Im glad she’s saying nice things about me behind my back. When I told her that 1) I did special effects make up for a while and that I knew set policies and 2) I was a web/graphic designer, she scribbled furiously on my application. “Good! I can so use you! Do you want to work on anyting other than QAF?” I said please while my head said PLEASE!!!! So keep looking in for on set gossip.

I, Robot Update: I heard the other day that I, Robot only uses one or two storylines from the original book and that its mostly a “pre-U.S. Robotics, pre-Susan Calvin” story in hopes to garner a series of movies, a la Lord Of the Rings. Im still not happy. Ive also found out these people have also bought up Asimov’s Foundation series. Which makes me believe that the Estate of Isaac Asimov must have had a shitty garage sale one day.

10:02 PM Update: Dear producers of The Joe Schmoe Show: You bastards!!

Lowest Point

Personal Bits

Im at the lowest point of my day today. You know the moment: where you indulge in taking stock in the crappy things in your life, like making Kraft Dinner when you’re alone. Oh dont sit there and say you dont do it. So Im listing things: Crappy fungal toenail. Im alone in this city. Not even a fuck-buddy. Inversley, dating makes me ill. I have no solid career after Oct 19th. I cant get past one part of the gameboy game Im on… etc etc. And Im on my bike (ten minutes before I had sat down wrong on my seat. Note to self: underwear when bike riding), and Im at a light. As I said, its the lowest part of my day and I look down. On the ground is an old newspaper page all crumpled and nearly all one grey colour, but one word looked back up at me: Passion. It was weird. It was almost neatly folded so that was the only word you could see on the page. I stared at it for a moment and thought “Was that meant for me? Is Kismet kicking my ass?” Or was it the French word for “fish”? I ride on.

A couple random thoughts while riding: Why do people think “farmer’s blows” are ok? Short of unabashedly pooping on the street, I can think of nothing less I would like to see someone do. Especially when coming out of a dirty bar. Why do rich people talk on their cell phones while driving their expensive cars? If they had the money, why dont they enjoy the ride?

Back From Calgary, Part the Three: Various bits

Personal Bits

• My sister’s house is massive. I really hope that she can offload it without any loss.
• I also hope she can build the house she wants beside the house she needs to offload. She’s busier than a paper wasp at a pulp fiction convention.
• I wore Government of Canada, Parks Canada rented shorts. I looked like I had canvas diapers on. Mike oddly enough looked kind of like a 1950s dad at a cottage…
• The mountains smell…like pine… We speculated as to whether or not there was a car freshener factory near by when in Kananaskis.
• There are some wicked used book stores in Calgary: I got Caves of Steel and Foundation, Issac Asimov; Salmon of a Doubt, Douglas Adams (I recommend. I was a bit aprehensive when I heard they were raiding his hard drives…Im glad they did); Crytonomicon, Neal Stephenson (I was reading it on the streetcar the other day and this guy punched his girlfriend and pointed at me “HE’S READING IT!!”)

Back From Calgary, Part The Two: Our Hero Eats

Personal Bits

Mike brought me a t-shirt from Vancouver…my second favorite Sushi restaraunt in the world.

My sister took us to the Dragon Pearl in Calgary where they served the best Salt and Pepper Lemon Seafood I have ever tasted. She went on to Freudian Slip-Up the soup appetizer into “Hot and Sewer Soup”. Laughs all around. I got my dad to eat Ethiopian food. He was cool with eating with his fingers but he was more interested in picking up the waiter. “Should I go? I could leave you two alone…”

I had 4 – 5 cups of tea in the morning with the paper. It was heaven. Ive not done that in a long time. Rhino (bro-in-law) insisted on making bacon in the microwave, which was ok, but nothing beats the gooeychooey of fat on a nice piece of smokey.

The last meal we had was at the Chicago Chophouse. $50 T-bone steaks ($5 extra for the garlic mashed potatoes) and (I kid you not) $20,000 bottles of wine. No lie. I had to rub my eyes to make sure the comma was in the right place. The restaruant was total “Beef and Oil” old-boy kinda place with the largest fully stocked bar I have ever seen (to impress the American investors-including the career bartender who knew every single drink on either side of the border, ever) and golf on the bigscreen tv in the pre-dinner lounge. The waitresses were nice in a classy Hooters kinda way. Dinner was about $100/person after dessert.