I invented a new drink this weekend: Zero G. Its Diet Sprite Zero with Gin. None of those pesky carbs like beer!

When you are at a blender party and they have a mist rope in full sunlight, remember to get out of the mist every so often. You’re just mangnafying the UV rays on your scalp. Especially after two 4oz Banana Daquiris.

Again at the blender party, gay men seem to lose certain levels of inhibitions after four 4oz Mudslides. Picnic tables are not rimming benches.

If you are a horrible dancer, expect bitter people to laugh at you.

No matter how hard you try to get people to use the right terminology, some people will still refer to web pages as links.

Blueberries are fantastic fresh.

The stuff inside pupating moth thingies will pop with a sickly ooze when mistakedly squeezed.

The guy you just hired might actually know a hell of a lot more than you.

Hey kids! Shelly here!

So Blamb thought Superman Returns was too long. I wonder if he’s sat through POTC-DMC yet. Shiver me timbers, you could have lopped off 45 minutes of this waterlogged, barnacle encrusted clam and still had a halfway decent movie (don’t expect a pearl inside though, just irritated muscle – my ass from sitting so long). The trend this year seems to be “keep ’em in their seats!” as Hollywood seems to over-compensate for a few years of digital movies devoid of story. Be prepared to be borded by confusion as you try to remember plot points from the last movie a couple years back as instances and characters are shoved out on the plank and pushed over into the sea. Yeah I missed some bits.

Depp doesn’t dissapoint. He does grate on you a bit after a while, but he doesn’t waiver from his lurchy antics. Yeah. I know, I know for Neptune’s sake. HE’S CHANNELING KEITH RICHARDS. Got it.

The rest were… Oh why bother? This movie supposively was the top grossing opening weekend movie ever. What can I say to take that back?

2 out of 5 shells kids. Let this one pass you by like a ship in the night.