What do you want me to do?

Work

I got one of those credit card sized CDROMs jammed in my machine, given to me by the owner of the company. You must never put one in your machine kids, for fear of having it spin out of control and slicing your motherboard up like Edward Scissorhands in a porn shop. I mentioned it to the owner when he handed it over to me but he insisted and *glinkt!* it gets stuck in my machine.

I call the IT department to tell him there’s a disk jammed in my machine (you can see where this is going).

“What do you want me to do about it?” he says after I explain my problem.

“Get it out?” I ask cautiously.

After explaining to him why it got there and possibly how it got jammed, he said he’d look at it…tomorrow.

Am I overreacting here? If a computer breaks down, should I try to fix it myself?

This is perfectly how this company is run. Passing as much as possible on to the next guy. I hope to god I get a review soon. I’m gonna have a hey-day.

God’s Rottweiler

Celebs and Media

I was just following orders! I swear I never fired a gun because of my fat sausage-like fingers! But I did blow up some tanks. Sure I was de-Nazified when I was caught by the Allies, because in Christ we are all forgiven. Unless you’re a homo or a woman priest.

(I love how Wikipedia insinuates that he was so eager to get the papal robes on he forgot to take off his black pope-votin’ sweater! You get the tiara, you get the sash and after all the excitement is done, you realize you didnt kiss the second runner up!)

The Black Eagle

Toronto

While I’m on the rant of legal justice and moral forgiveness, I noticed today that the Black Eagle is taking a Liquor Board of Ontario Induced Time Out for “overcrowding” during Pride last year.

Here’s the inside poop for you people: the Eagle wasnt overcrowded. Ask any of the people in the line up, waiting over 45 minutes to get up onto the patio. The bar was fully staffed and was doing their job properly. Meanwhile, the prosecutor for the Liquor Board had no proof because the investigators didnt file a complete report, yet still pushed to have the bar closed for 45 days, which would have effectively killed the bar. In front of the judge, it came down to the Eagle’s word against the Liquor Board. Now, to be fair, The Eagle got similar infractions in the past but the bar placed doormen at the top and bottom (tee hee!) of the stairs which is a considerable cost in wages and training. The bar complied and even surpassed their requests with physical upgrades to the bar.

Dispite all the time and money the Black Eagle put into renovations and new hires, dispite the lack of evidence from the investigators, the judge ruled that the bar should be closed for 11 days. To appeal this decision, it would have cost twice the amount as being closed for 11 days so the bar shut it’s mouth.

Now, I’m no lawyer (but my brother plays one on TV!!) but I don’t see the justice here.

Fire Me

Work

I just had a manager run up to my desk, panicking like a drag queen who’s lost her left falsie and the DJ just hit play. This guy would never acknowledge me on good days and suddenly I’m his pal. He sent a file to the other web guy, now at lunch, to be put live on the company site. Of course its wrong and goodlorditneedstocomedownnowNOWNOW!

I like to treat these people like I’ve caught them letting their dogs crap on my lawn. Because basically that’s what they’re doing: I’ve screwed up it’s your problem now, too.

I like to add a stupid “Well lets see now…” look pass over my face when they need an answer right away.

I am destined to be fired from every job I have.

So Tired…

Tech

…of trying to keep up with the spam. I just removed over 1000 referring searches from some disgusting porno site and discovered that it had eaten up all my bandwidth for the month of April. Also, my anti-spam page is taking some time to load, even on high speed, because of all the banned words/urls.

I will now resort to swearing to burn off some frustrations:

MOther Puss BuckET Ass GrottY Slag of a Bitch!!

I may be shut down for a couple weeks seeing how I dont want to pay extra for bandwidth nobody used (while it’s kind of ironic it was a robot that used it up, I am not pleased). I guess I have to shut down the referrals somehow. Furface, Bondcliff? Anyone? Any ideas?

My Back Door of Old City Hall Story

Toronto

Dedicated to the Busdriver:

Once, my old boss wanted to contest a parking ticket so he dragged me to Old City Hall. It was that or go into work, so I followed. (insert Daffy Duck soundbite: “Eh! Its a living!” here)

As fate would have it, we took the back door of the Hall. Passing the security desk I got the biggest smile from the cop sitting at the security desk there. I smile back and keep walking. Meanwhile, my boss is digging the ticket out of his wallet and proceeds to ask her where the court room is. I hear “Wait! WAIT!” and I turn to see the cop is completely flustered, waving her arms at me like a lunch lady who’s dropped a tray of jello desserts.

“I thought you guys were cops! This isn’t a public entrance!”

Wow! She thought I looked like a cop! Cha-ching goes the ego!

And that, my dear readers, is my Old City Hall Story.

Teh Ehnd.

Go to jail, learn your craft

Celebs and Media

Karla Homolka was turned down in a last minute ditch to get her sentence shortened, thanks to the guy pushing the buttons on the kismet machine. Her father was suprised that she tried and said, “At least she got her schoolin’!”

Checking the news, I found that Ms Homolka has been schooled in French, got her bachelor of arts degree in psychology and enrolled in postgraduate studies in criminology.

Meanwhile, the parole board said they denied her parole because her last application was different from her last.

From The Sun (I’m sorry. Sorry):

Homolka was “well informed” about the procedure and timing.

snip

A parole panel concluded on that occasion that Homolka was too high a risk to be released. The board cited the gravity of her crimes and an apparent personality disorder that could meet the threshold for diagnosis as psychopathic.

The panel noted that three prison diagnoses were in stark contrast to early prison evaluations, which assessed Homolka as a battered wife and a sufferer of post-traumatic stress syndrome.

So she’s been taught how to jimmy the system thanks to the system. Thankfully they caught her out. Hopefully they keep accurate records.

Hey! If Mr Jackson gets time, can we please give him unlimited internet access?