My Dad takes Viagra

Personal Bits, Queer stuff

Who here has had their parents say something about sex that just makes you cringe to full fetal position and want you to become a monk? Raise your hands. I see.

The last two times Ive had dinner with my Da (72yrs old, is about 60 physically, 16 mentally) he’s done that to me. The first time he ranted on about extra strength Viagra and how much fun a weekend could be again. Then last night he’s telling me and Sharkboy about this project he wants to start working on about collecting stories of older gay men having sex. That’s cool. Then we start talking about the Old Simpsons Building at Queen and Yonge Streets.

Its now The Bay’s flag ship store but back in the day Simpsons was a multi level department store that was built in the 1600s or 1821 or some such year. Its old. Recently it was used in the movie Cinderella Man as the front of Madison Square Gardens so you can guess its about 1920s or so. Anyway. Dad use to sell shoes in the basement right next to the men’s washrooms. I bet you can see where this is going. Back then Gay was only heard in Noel Coward plays and songs and Dad, being the oldest to an Irish Catholic family of 7, he was quite closeted. Or tea-roomed if you will. Its one thing to be conscious of your parents indulging in sex. That fact sits in our minds like the thought of having to pay taxes or mowing the lawn: there but ignored. Its another thing to hear your father talk about risky sex with strangers in toilets. Especially when you’ve done it yourself and thought it dirty and bad and here’s the man you admire freely admitting it.

As a particular side note to this whole thing: I get on at the Queen St subway station when I go to work and wind up standing in front of the Simpsons building mural on the platform, sub consciously making some connection with my dad back in his day. Ive said before that life is cyclic, even in small circles.

Confessions of a Bitter Blogger

Celebs and Media

word of advice: dont rent Confessions of a Teen Age Drama Queen. not even remotely funny even if your gay gene says “but it has the words drama queen in it!!” ignore that little voice. its just not funny or interesting. Peee Yoooo! do rent Jeepers Creepers, its not your usual teen slasher pic. do NOT pay any money to Alien Vs Predator. the movie is crap. at one point half way through it I realized my phone was still on in the theatre. “OH sweet release…someone call me now!” I thought. gee! who knew that alien spawn could grow in someone’s chest within a few minutes of the facehugger attaching itself. I guess I missed that vital bit of information in the last 4 movies. a few minutes, you say? hmmm. and the predators were models for john travolta in Battlefield Earth. the white man fears the dreads, yeshedo!

New Words

Distractions

My new words list:

iPoseur: One who does not keep their iPod inside their bag, usually walking with it in their hands. Possibly thinking they’re one colour and in an Apple ad…who can say?

Googley Moogley: the point one reaches when they get frustrated with Google and can’t find what they’re looking for. Inversley, the point when they find something 1000% better than what they are looking for on Google.

Ennweee!: Personal physical discovery while bored. IE: “I thought I was bored but I found this really cool thing to do with my eyelid (or other body part)”.

Open Watership Down: Bunnies lost at sea. (Not much of a word/saying. Just thought it was funny.)

PS 2-2: Bizzare, interpretive dance-like movements while playing video games. “Billy was like all over the couch, PS 2-2ing while flying that X-Wing.”

Carneys are Fun!

General, Toronto

I am so tired at work right now. I am struggling to keep my eyes open right now.

CNE stands for “Cheap-assed Numbskulls Everywhere”. I was prepared to spend a bit of cash this weekend to win my hunny a prize but the carneys are like sphincter-tight conservatives creating diamonds in their anuses when it came to them offering up their prizes. I got a stupid felt rose when I was told I would be getting a frigging Patrick as a prize if I won. hardly a prize. no Magic Bullets around (we didnt go into the home show) but there were plenty cubes of beaver to be eaten. I had one…didnt feel good after. gamey.

I saw Open Waters on sat too. it was pretty good. I cant stop thinking how the ending was a metaphor for independent directors/writers… hell… any creative type… protecting themselves from big budget studios. Go see. I wont spoil it here. if Blair Witch made you sick with the shakey camera moves, avoid this movie at all costs.

Sharkboy and I are trading off Pee Wee’s Big Adventure quotes via email today to amuse ourselves:
“What’s the problem, officer?”
“No problem, ma’am. I just wanted to see that pretty little outfit you’re wearing!”
“Take a picture! It lasts longer!”

Corn Dog

Toronto

friiiiday! suck it bitches! ahahahah!!

I am off to the CNE tomorrow. first time in a few millions years. Sharkboy refuses to get on any rides because they’re not “Canada’s Wonderland Permanent” with similar saftey inspections …”and have you seen those carneys?!”

I think all I want to do is have a corn dog and try to win my hunny a Spongebob or a Patrick.

one of my earliest memories is my italian grandfather coming home rather early in the morning, after working a late shift at the CNE, knocking around the house and mumbling to himself (drunk?) while he got ready for bed. as a kid that scared the shit out of me.

one time at the CNE (and I am sure this hasnt changed) I stood beside that mini rollercoaster they erect every year and just watched the track sway from the vibrations. now the CNE is just one big infomercial, especially the home show and the food building. Sharkboy may …may …walk out of there with a Magic Bullet!

“Clip clop! Clip clop!”

Toronto

So there’s a group of “squatters” living under the spadina off ramp of the gardiner who are demanding city services such as port-o-potties and trash removal. riiiiight. I consider myself fairly liberal and lefty but when people start to demand things that I feel they have no real right to (did you claim all that money you made pan handling on last year’s tax return?) then I get kinda right wingy. I could generalize here and say they’re lazy and none too bright, but I wont. I will give these people the benefit of the doubt and say they’re intelligent and have some brain neurons that are firing. So they want services that they feel they have a right to. Okaydokie! They better have proof that 1) are living/residing/sleeping in parks (?) within the city limits; 2) have been living in Toronto proper for over 6 months; 3) are willing to prove their citizenship; and 4) are willing to offer something in return, if they havent paid taxes in the last year. Hellfire, if I have to jump through yonks of paperwork to get a bluebin or a tree trimmed on my street, then these lazy fucks who “deserve” these services better be willing to fill out some forms and stand in line like the rest of us.

Inherently Good

General, Personal Bits

I get to wellesley subway station yesterday, to find that the goof in the booth has fucked off somewhere and left a sign saying “Please pay fare and enter. Back soon”. I only have $5 on me and those wonderful new machines the TTC has painstakingly installed everywhere still dont take fivers so I waited. I waited like the good post-catholic boy I was brought up to be. I actually felt embarrassed standing there: white middle aged guy not hopping the gate, like I expected everyone else to be doing. then I started to watch the crowd entering the subway. Of the 25-30 people I watched, only two didnt pay. that is, they might have had a pass but made no effort to take anything out of their pockets: zip, right through. I wont sully their race’s good name by mentioning their ethnic backgrounds. One pair of do-gooders armed only with a $5 bill like myself crammed the whole bill into the slot and were out $0.50. After a while the goof in the booth came back and thanked me for waiting.

Today…the same time, same subway station, same situation. No goof in the booth, and me armed only with a $5 bill. Fuck it. I went through.

Im not too sure what I am trying to prove with this blog. weather people are inherently good or bad but I do have to say that I am always suprised at acts of intelligence and politeness. am I bitter? probably. fuck you for noticing.

Things I wanna say:
Current CD in player: The Best of the Style Council
Current book beside toilet: On the Trail of The Space Pirates
Current Game in PS2: Ratchet and Clank (first one)
Current Gameboy Game: Mario Kart
Current Fave food: Tuna fish subs from Subway
Current time I find myself cursing myself for not going to bed sooner: 12:30am
Current gauge: 8 (still)
Current voltage: 220

I, Moron

General, Hobbies

I am ready. I am ready to leave my job and live in a park and eat found food. I am ready to kick my cell phone and watch it shatter into 10000 million pieces. I am ready to rip the wires from my wireless router and shove the box down the loo. I am ready to cram my digital camera, pda, and memory sticks into the oven and hit the “self cleaning” button. I am ready to let my iPod’s battery die…and not replace it. I am ready to drop my monitor from the cn tower and see how far into the pavement it sinks into. I am ready to take my rogers digital cable box to the lake and make it swim, then try to skip the remote across the water. I am ready to take my dvd, vhs and PS2 players to regent park and throw them at random immigrants for their pleasure. I am ready to leave my watch somewhere. I am ready to magnetically lick all the cards in my wallet. I am ready to paint smiley faces on all the cctv cameras I can reach. I am ready to stuff peanut butter into all the card readers of any given atm.

can you tell I am reading Philip K Dick? particularly Flow My Tears, The Policeman Said. sooo paranoid of loss of self and identity through technology. not that I am going to do any of the above mentioned acts of techterrorism, I just grok PKD’s fears. I am more amazed that he could see this back in the 70s, long before personal computers and email.

actually I love technology. if technology is the food of life, then recharge that n-cad battery!

I just went to the washroom. apparently I put my boxers on backwards.

I, Moron.

Springer

Celebs and Media

Im sitting at home with the tail end of a cold and Jerry Springer is on. oh lucky me. when did this show become so gaudy and awful? why are the women showing their boobies all the time? I guess I would show dick if I was super white trash mad and had half the chance for national exposure. Steve the bouncer guy is pretty hot…

I am getting ready to go to Disney in october. I am sooo jazzed! I missed out on that whole family-to-florida thing because ours was waaay too big to get down there. And it seems the rides are much more cooler than in the 70’s. I cant wait!!

Cinderella Man

Celebs and Media, General

Back from camping (pics here) and boy am I not burnt. I was expecting to be fried since there were no clouds on sunday. Saturday was okay but the clouds would scatter and the sun would shine hard every time I decided to leave the pool area. The comedians “Oot and Aboot” were very funny and complimented each other’s styles nicely. Get out to see them if you have the chance. Best line of the evening: “Ever see your parents having sex when you were a kid? I did! I was scarred for life. What was with that trail of candy? And why the clown?”

Celebrity watch: They’re filming “Cinderella Man” around the corner from my house and the street is packed with old Model T cars and trucks and they refacaded 90% of the businesses. Ironically (?) there is a men’s bath house at the end of my street. They’ve stripped a few trees halfway down so they can do a low-ish shot in the winter without the darned foliage getting in the way. And it seems Russell Crowe signed the window of the computer store I use to work in over the xmas holidays. I bet they’ll be charging more for iPods now… When I got home from work today, they were releasing the extras from the set (I think there was a couple hundred) and they were streaming off the set past me to get to holding. In their costumes they looked like something from “Grapes of Wrath”. Quite freaky, actually.