I think that the way guys sit in the sauna is reflective of what species of monkeys they evolved from.

For example, the other day there was a guy with one leg up against his chest, heel nearly touching his ass, arm draped across his knee. Bottom lip jutting out at all other sweaty apes in the sauna. I suspect he came from chimps. I imagine him sniffing his heel and falling backwards off the bench and creating an internet meme.

There was another guy laid out flat on his back like a mortician’s dream. From the genus “sloth” I am sure.

I sit there and try to get my belly to touch wood. Not “wood” you sick bastard. I mean bench-you-sit-on wood. That makes me a gorilla.

Sharkboy fiddles with is doodlehootie while he sits there. I think he’s a howler monkey.

Toronto queers will remember the little hole-in-the-wall store on Church Street, between the butchers and crap Rainbow Restaraunt that sold overpriced used clothing. Remember that?

Okay here’s what I want to put in there: a Quiky-Stop Nails Spa for Queers on the move. Put down $20 and the choice is yours:

Choose your nail technician:

• tranny
• drag queen
• lipstick lesbian
• dyke
• twink
• bear

Choose your conversation:

• Gossip
• Verbal Abuse
• Family Problems
• Politics
• Pop Culture
• Crazy Assed Drunk Rant (may or may not make sense)
• Silence

Ten minutes max and you have fabulous nails and you’re that much more informed.

…I pick it up to this question:

“Ted, when someone requests our URL (he pronounces it YOO. AHR. ELL.) that means I just give them our website. Right?”

“Yes.”

I hang up slowly. Lordy I need a new job.

The odd thing is that not too many people know what URL stands for.

Overheard (hard not to) while waiting for a trainer and her padawan health nut at the leg curl machine:

“With all the research I’ve been doing I have discovered that the terrorists who died during 9-11 were all extremely handsome men. Dispite the US trying to villainze them.”

“I have been spending a lot of time on Corbis.com looking at news images of tragedy and disaster. Of course you have that big watermark on the pictures but you get a sense of what’s going on.”

“I have to push myself away from my computer or else I really get caught up with these images.”

At this point, I shoot a look at the personal trainer who I am sure is not even getting paid 1/10th what she deserves for listening to this stuff. She’s near-pineapple ham glazed over.

Meanwhile:
Last Sunday, Sharkboy and I did our first Aquafit class, which was fun, dispite being in the pool by 7:45am (We’re going to go off Coronation Street for a while – who has 4 hours on a Sunday to watch Dev and Sanita drool over each other?). The class was lead by a suprisingly grounded and calm instructor who had created a great program for short and tall, old and young, healthy and not so healthy. I felt pretty good getting through this class (it was the first aerobic work out I have ever been to since that near-puking episode at Spinning class back in ’96). Sure Sharkboy and I were the youngest, skin-tightiest, non-wheezing whale-like participants but we did manage to work up a sweat (in a pool?) and my calves are paying for it today.

Random Flickr image:

Worksafe!

“You know, a cat can go through a hole half its size,” she says to her mother.

I wonder about that a moment. I want to butt into their conversation with:

“Which half? Lengthwise? Just at the ribs?”

Says a co-worker I just this moment teased: “I hope a bear comes into your tent!”

Me: (In my best Latrina from Bromwell High voice) “So do I, lady! So do I!”

Have a great weekend!

Things I learned at this summer’s last long weekend:

1. Spiders are huge at the end of summer. Especially when there were tons of mosquitoes
2. Moo Moos (mu mus?) are very comfortable. I can see why fat people wear them
3. It’s bitter to see someone discover a place he loves and have to give it up
4. It’s laughable to see arrogance in a gay trailer park
5. Mr X plays some good tunes
6. Garage sales are much better in rural settings

I would like to take a moment to say to Scott and Mike (lovingly called A and B behind their backs) and “Puddin'” that it was a pleasure meeting you all and I hope that you don’t have to leave. You brought fun to the place.

Pics are huppa here!

We’re camping this weekend and I guess this is the last entry until Tuesday.

Thanks for playing!

Here’s a pic I took this morning through some mirrored glass of a ground floor office.

I can seee you!
I am trying to
work please
go away!

How could I not take that picture?

C U Next Tuesday!

Cartoon Brew tells me that Rock and Rule (aka DRATS, to you Canadians) will be out on DVD next week.

I remember one of my teachers at Sheridan College going all glassy-eyed when discussing the making of this movie. He told us how for the final scene where the demon rises up, the animators tried to film/rotoscope real blood spilling out over a sheet of glass with a camera underneath. Heady NFB-esque experimental stuff. Which didn’t work so well because they were really really high. Seems part of the money for art supplies was being funneled to midday cannibis breaks while Clive Smith would change things on the fly, making the final storyboard a piecemeal of bar napkin scribbles and effectively sending the writers to early graves. With this kind of kinetic filmmaking going on, it’s a wonder the movie is as coherent as it is.

Overheard at a rush screening:
“Jesus, guys… this makes no sense…”
“What doesn’t?”
“What?”
“What doesn’t make sense?”
“I see trails.”

My teacher (no I won’t name him) also talked about how cool it was to have Lou Reed, Iggy Pop and Deborah Harry (at that time still hanging around Toronto from Videodrome shoots?) in and out of the studio, trying hard to jumpstart their careers by recording songs for the movie. I still hum “My name is Mok. Thanks a lot.” every so often.

Pay attention to the lips of the lead character, Mok. Yes, they’re Mick’s. You’d have to be living under a box not to realize that, but they’re really the star of the movie. Never has a facial part been so lovingly animated. Disney always went after the eyes. The animators of Rock and Rule were so high, they never got off the lips.