Canada’s I Wonderland


Cheap tickets and all you can eat buffet to our nation’s Disneyland? Canada’s Wonderland? I am so there!

Going from Canada’s Wonderland to Paramount/Canada’s Wonderland back to Canada’s Wonderland (with 99% of the Paramount references scrubbed out) must have seen some copyright/licensing headaches for the poor marketing/sales folks behind the scenes.

The park has become… themeless. The different areas (World’s Expo, Medevial Knights, that bit by the water park just outside the baby rides…) no longer have a cohesive element throughout their areas, past 100 yards from each area gate. Sort of like putting Pirates of the Caribbean within Tomorrowland. Pressed for land, I guess the park designers (if there are any) are forced to slap the newest rides where they can. However, Scooby and Spongebob and other characters still wander the park, but not so visibly, except within Kidsville, where copyright protected characters run free to sell sugary crap to the little ones.

I started to wonder how much paperwork the park generated to drop Paramount and their movie-themed rides and thought maybe they could have just reduced the popularity of the ride’s movie theme to save some licensing cash. Like making Top Gun (Canada’s first overhead-suspended coaster) into oh… say… Sophie’s Choice THE RIDE!Choose your seat mate! Choose your path! Choose!

Or Kramer Vs Kramer – The 3D Ride! Watch Dustin Hoffman and Meryl Streep (see a pattern here?) toss their child back and forth! Woah! It’s like you’re in the room!

Anyway, the day was fun! I got to ride Behemoth and promptly discovered I may be becoming “allergic” to rollercoasters. I got extremely ill after the second ride – not “protein spill” kind of sick (which the staff at CW so charmingly call ‘Puking”), but dizzy/fainty kind of ill. Which would make going back to Disney problematic. I popped two Gravol and was right as rain an hour later. When the rain started.

Some images for you:

Just after buying these lovely balls of sugar, a child of no more than 14 got into our faces and yelled: Enjoy your Jizz Cookies!! Enjoy Your Jizz Cookies!!! Thank you, I did.

Yeeearrrgh! I’m all about taking pictures of rides in apex.

Stop the show! Please STOP THE SHOW!

And for those of you phobic about leaving my site, here’s a slide show!

12 thoughts on “Canada’s I Wonderland

  1. Dead Robot

    Sean: a lot of fun! Worth the wait. Really high climb, one hell of a drop. The seats are just a plastic chair on a metal post with no sides at all. The nice part is that they’re staggered so you’re not puking (I mean protein spilling) on the back of some stranger’s head.

  2. Dead Robot

    cb: I’ve never actually saw Sophie’s Choice, I just like making fun of it. Your concept is much more funnier.

  3. cb

    Um, wouldn’t “Sophie’s Choice, the Ride” entail choosing which child will be flung out to their death and which survives?

  4. Dead Robot

    butchie: yeah. I know. I’m stunned into silence like being hit with an over-charged taser.

  5. SharkBoy

    Well, if for some reason you can’t ride rollercoasters anymore just take solace in the new remodeled It’s A Small World ride… I’ll go with you

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