The Dark Knight – a 20 Second Review

You Stupid Dick

Hey Kids, Shelly here!

At the 2 hour, 20 minute mark I thought to myself, how would Bollywood handle this? I concluded that other than the musical numbers, the effects would be much cheaper, but just as “real” and the bits where drama crossed over into melodrama would be a bit sharper and noticable. My mind only started to wonder this because right at the Joker’s biggest, last monologue, we had to endure a theatre staff scanning us for camcorders. Why I went to Bollywood, I don’t know – I guess I noticed a bit of overacting on Gary Oldman’s part? But otherwise, the movie lived up to 90% of the hype.

Yes Heath is as good as you’ve heard but as a supporting actor, as SharkBoy pointed out. His Joker was new and vile and had all the “love to hate” qualities that make a good villain. But he was nothing unless he was doing something to someone. Even at his highest comical moment, he’s inflicting damage on someone else. Without the other characters he’d just be a rambling psycho.

The story is engaging and smart, going beyond expectations for our basic comic book movie. It’s tense and loose where it needs to be and has more twists than expected. And thank god Batman can turn his head in that cowl now.

At this point I want to give a message to ScotiaBank theatre managers: fuck off. You heard me, twats. I am not a criminal, stop treating me like I am. I know that stealing a movie is a crime. Do you see the OPP standing on the side of the highway stopping us individually, telling us speeding is wrong? No, you don’t so you can stop with the asinine trailers about it. And tell the poor minimum wage drones you order into the theatre to scan the crowd for camcorders that doing so right at the biggest monologue moment in the show makes going to your theatre like watching a movie at your grandmothers. Oh and fix that fucking escalator, you lazy dicks.

So in all, a 5 out of 5! But don’t go see it at ScotiaBank.

3 thoughts on “The Dark Knight – a 20 Second Review

  1. cb

    Yeah, the movie could’ve been trimmed an additional 10 minutes without all the good guy and villain monologuing.

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