College of Dental Hygienists, 3pm.
“Alright people! Our ad is due today. We have to create something that says who we are and get more people to visit their dentists! To not be afraid of tooth health. Also enrollment is down and we have to make the public aware that Dental Hygiene is a viable career choice. Or something… We need to get the artwork to the printer by noon today and we’re still no further along on what we’re going to say. So I’ve called in the designer…”
“PLEASE KILL ME!”
“…and we should be able to stand over him while we create this ad. Ideas? Go!”
“I saw The Grunge last night on TV… that chick in it was pretty scary!”
“Yes, ‘scary’ is good – a lot of people equate dental check ups with fear so we should shock the viewer into going to the dentist.”
“But we should be gentle, of course. No punctuation or capital letters in the copy…”
“Except the first word!”
“Okay, you scamp! Good! Next?”
“I heard on the radio this morning “Now with More Ham!” –can we use that?”
“No, but we can say how ignoring your mouth health will KILL YOU! Put: 3rd most chronic illness right below the main image. No other explaining copy around it.”
“That doesn’t make any sense…”
“Shut up, designer fag! Who asked you? Make the words appear!
“…this job is chronic…”
“I like “disorder” – can we use it?”
“Yes! Right under the main copy!”
“What we have now sounds a little weird when you say it in your head…”
“I don’t so think no not all at!”
“Okay, then the main copy is fine. Oh… And we need a “non-equal” symbol in there. That will make us L337.”
“I don’t know what you just said but you’re brilliant! Do it!”
“Okay – happy ending… we need something to bring them back into our arms, from all this horror – words?”
“Winner! Okay designer, show us what you got!”
2 thoughts on “Design By Committee”
i walk by that abomination every day, same as you. the first time i saw it i also thought it was a horror film ad, and then a camh ad, and then a women’s shelter ad. after stopping to read it, i noticed the ugly-ass giant square smartphone reader thing, which i realised is going to be uglifying everything for the near future. then i noted the awful twisted smile that cdho uses as a symbol (which looks like nothing so much as an anorexic banana or two string beans on the vine trying to mate), and the inexplicable does-not-equal sign and further below, the triple equals sign (more equal than? is this an animal farm reference?).
at one point i also thought it might be a shampoo ad, a shot of the ‘before’ model, and the autoscroll feature was broken so we never got to see her smiling and dancing with thirty pounds of shiny, wavy hair flying around defying gravity. now i think it is a broken ad, but it’s some messageboard from a parallel universe and roddy piper is about to pop out of the bus shelter battling lizard people while i risk being late for work trying on sunglasses in a desperate attempt to decide if the dentist overlords want me to obey or consume.
Wow. That’s just… bad. It was either done by committee, or one person who thought they had a really great idea.